dysfunctional behaviour

thinking about the blog about the song and my reply

i wondered, whilst i know what problems i have and what dysfunctional behaviours i have

knowing and being aware of logically means i should be able to stop them. but they are more like an instinctive reaction rather than a carefully thought out response to whatever triggers them

i have known about most of behaviours and traits all along as they have been pointed out to me or been addressed

but my question is

do you know your dysfunctional behaviours, or do people say you have overstepped the line?

i know this probably doesn't apply to everyone, and everyone's dysfunctional behaviours may differ

5 Replies

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  • Mmmm? Dysfunctional behaviour. While I am aware that this term is well documented, my advice would be to try to drop it. By that, I mean try to think more along the lines of "my behaviour may not be as it was, but I am trying my best." After all, as the old saying goes, "Nobody's perfect" so how much less than perfect is dysfunctional. Add to that, if we were all "perfect" wouldn't life be very mundane indeed.

    You will discover that the thought processes behind undesirable behaviors can be trained, CBT is very helpful here. Unfortunately, as with most brain injury related issues, there is no quick fix, no magic wand or potion, but there is support, there is far greater understanding of brain injury and treatments, and of course there is Headway and this fabulous forum.

    Good luck, Ryan

  • i have had a lot of issues resolved with CBT but there are issue which remain and are more sort of instinctive, 2nd nature as such but without control.

    i am not one of those people who get caught up on words, dysfunctional behaviour suits my purpose just fine, its the same with derogatory terms, words only hold the value you give them.

    am 17 years in now and had so much therapy and treatment that what is left is well just me, warts n all, but i do find it difficult to understand how i can have so much understanding over my behaviour yet fail to control it,

    just curious if others are actually aware of their dysfunctional behaviours, or are they something which they only realise they are doing when the get pulled up on it .

    at the time of me either going of on strop, tantrum whatever you want to call it, i don't realise i am on one, and whatever actions i take seem appropriate for the situation however with hindsight i know my behaviour was wrong, yet i still fail to change.

    as i said i have had lots of different therapy and four years attending leamington rehab for CBT which ironed out a fair few of my issues (i have more questions about CBT but thats for another thread - ohh its in my head, this is going to be a long night lol)

    and thanks for your reply, and perfect its true nobody is perfect but dominos pizza is :)

  • Wow, dominos pizza is (probably) just about perfect.

    Ok, don't get me wrong I'm not one to get hung up on words either and use (correction) have used derogatory terms and labels myself. The worst of which, and if this gets censored in some way I will fully understand as it really isn't a helpful term, is labelling myself a "brain damaged monkey!" Quite clearly only the first two words of that phrase are true and even if we did evolve from the monkey family, it has proved to have had a very negative impact. Now comes the good news, today, at work (take that to mean I recently started two mornings a week as a volunteer at cancer research,) I actually told my colleagues that instead of wishing that that fateful day had never happened I am actually glad that it did for I wouldn't be half the man that I am today had I not had to deal with the repercussions of head injury.

    I close with life is a learning curve, brain injury or not. That must make us special as we must learn so much more than the millions that don't. (smiley should be here, but haven't yet figured it out yet)

    Best wishes, Ryan

  • i am glad you said that, i have always tried to explain it as, not many people get a 2nd chance at being the person they want to be, and a lot of positives have come from this and not knowing who we were means we can be who we want to be (bar our uncontrolled traits)

    this changes us in a lot of positive ways

  • Having just read your question again, particularly regarding "control" of these behaviours I can only really offer the same advice that I am sure you have heard from CBT therapist, Psychologists etc. It really comes down to recognizing the triggers - theoretically doesn't that sound easy - in practice however, especially with a brain injury it isn't quite as straight forward. My technique works for me but took a long time to develop and refine. It is based on the old take a step back, and count to ten. This approach initially I found unhelpful and starting the count process was what I perceived as lighting the fuse, and the countdown do me exploding in a fit of temper or rage. Over the years I have found myself dropping the countdown and replacing the numbers with analysing the situation with these simple questions.

    1) Where am I?

    2) What am I doing?

    3) Will this be any better if I get angry?

    Usually, by the time that I am at question 3, I have broken out in laughter or at least managed to extinguish that burning rage within.

    Sorry that I cant offer any other advice with regards to recognizing the triggers, it really does come with time and practice. - After all, practice makes perfect - oh dear, I forgot, we're not trying to be perfect just better. lol

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