Is it normal to feel anger, hate or want to beat your kids when all they do is upset you. I feel frustrated and confused.

[Onceaborderer]

Can a head injury as long as 17 years still have this affect, if anything it seems to have got worse over the years. I still have shrapnel touching my brain and I think this could be a massive part of the cause.

[Hidden]

If you feel you have lasting damage, it's no use just having an MRI scan, consult your GP and explain your injury and that you'd like to have a neurological evaluation to determine any deficits that you may have. It sounds like you mostly have psychological problems, the neurologist would most likely in that case refer you to see a psychologist which is normally a specialist neuropsychologist and they'll evaluate you and that usually means you'll be tested in several areas of cognition and your behaviour may also be evaluated. In addition you may be referred to a psychiatrist to rule out any psychiatric illness.

Cognitive impairment is usually easily detected by comparing test scores to the normal population. Sometimes brain injured people are average or good in some areas of cognition and very poor in other areas, which is usually an indication of a injury to a specific area of the brain. It's most unusual to have such variation in individual IQ scores for example the IQ scores of visual perception and verbal memory being at odds, they usually follow a trend in a normal person. But I advice you if you are tested not to try and cheat because this is easily detected, make an effort and try your best. Normally a brain injury results in some degree of cognitive impairment, but it's entirely possible that your IQ lies in the normal range, there are arguments that these tests don't assess all areas of the brain and they certainly can't assess creativity, social intelligence, etc. I had a severe injury to the frontal lobe and my IQ was declared in normal range, but that doesn't mean I don't have cognitive impairment (I know I do), notwithstanding all the other forms of impairments not tested for.

I hope this helps.

[Onceaborderer in reply to Hidden]

I have already been tested, my IQ is well below average as is my memory. This was carried out by a CPN. I don't know where to turn, I am aware things are not good but yet told it is depression causing this.

[brighton88 in reply to Hidden]

I do agree with you, except when you advise against an MRI, I think that is vital in the process of elimination

[Hidden in reply to brighton88]

Sorry, I'm not advising again having an MRI scan, I had one of my own volition because I wanted to settle my own curiosity and prove to myself and others that there's a physical cause to my cognitive and behavioural problems. But I needn't have had an MRI to prove there's brain damage, an MRI can look normal despite any impairment and the only definitive way to establish impairment is to have psychological testing.

[brighton88 in reply to Hidden]

the MRI's I have show changes in shape size along with vascular changes that tests miss out,

[Hidden in reply to brighton88]

That's good, i'm just saying that it can't used as a stand-alone to demonstrate impairment, all it can show at best is anatomical change that physicians struggle to interpret.

[Hidden]

Have you asked them what has caused the depression? Depression can often be one result of brain injury, however depression can also occur amongst the non-brain injured population and is classed as a psychiatric illness.

[Onceaborderer in reply to Hidden]

That is what I have been treated for, for the past 7 years. Then they found metal in my head two months ago, and after me reading up on brain injuries, things seemed to tie in and make sense after years of not understanding what has been going on.

[Hidden in reply to Onceaborderer]

You didn't know you had shrapnel in your head all this time?

[Onceaborderer in reply to Hidden]

For 17 years, that is why I believe there is medical negligence.

[Hidden in reply to Onceaborderer]

That depends on whether "they" had knowledge of the incident you were involved in and whether your complaints were dealt with properly? Were you offered help and ignored it? Negligence is always a grey area. What were you were doing at the time of the injury?

I wouldn't think about compensation just yet, it's been 17 years anyway so well past the 3 year limit. Even if you can claim compensation it'll be because you couldn't have been expected to know about your injury, so if you only recently found shrapnel on an MRI then that'll be taken into consideration. In my opinion, you should take the neurological pathway, seeing a neurologist is a must for your own health and for any possible claim for compensation, don't just content yourself with a diagnosis of depression this was my mistake too.

[Onceaborderer in reply to Hidden]

I was stabbed in the head in Edinburgh, I was taken to hospital and stitched up, the shrapnel is the end of the blade, and it wasn't just a knife it was a bayonet that broke in my skull. The Dr who stitched me up was very complimenting to himself on his work because of the hole in my head, yet no scan. So taking all that into account I believe the hospital is to blame.

Are you now treated for the correct diagnosis ??

[Hidden in reply to Onceaborderer]

Sorry to hear that, sounds horrendous, I was hit on the head with a shot put at school of all places. Fractured my skull and had bleeding on the brain, there was no question about my injury. Luckily the culprit and the school were insured. However, my situation is complicated in that the hospital didn't note down the injury to inside the brain and I wasn't offered any therapy, was discharged and thought I would get better, I got worse however. I ended up being treated for "depression" after a downward spiral after 3 years. It was only after pursuing legal action that I realised the full extent of my injury. I wish I'd have had the forsight to know what i'd end up like but that's why they call it experience. I'm now thinking that I can't afford to ignore this injury any longer, at least if I start getting help now I'll have a happier middle-age

[Onceaborderer in reply to Hidden]

So are you not being treated for your injury, and like me being treated for depression mate. I know exactly what you mean about a happier middle age lol, after N Ireland, Iraq and Afghanistan all with something in my head and causing me slight problems that have got worse over the years, I just want to enjoy life and more importantly, enjoy my wife and kids and give them a better life after all they have had to put up with my shit for too long.

[Lubilu01]

Why do your kids upset you, do they intend to or is it just kids being kids? How old are they? X

[Onceaborderer in reply to Lubilu01]

They are just being typical kids, my 13 year old is just ignoring me. Normally I can deal with it but I have times where I may lash out or struggle not to, so instead I say hurtful things to upset her. I don't want to, but I just can't control it at times.

[Lubilu01]

Do they understand what has happened to you? Is it possible that they are frightened themselves, kid react in mysterious ways to being worried or upset. They also pick up on stress and rather than talking about it they misbehave. I know what you are going through id not your fault but could it be they are worried about you but unable to express it? You really need to push for a proper diagnosis for you and your children, have you tried speaking to Headway for information? Xx

[Hidden]

Hello Onceaborderer .

Children are the meanest beings alive when they want to be but I'd try to control what prompts you to meet like with like; try to walk away from the 'beaten zone' if you can, instead of instigating or furthering conflict. Beat the upset on your terms, not theirs.

I can't speak all the neuro/psycho gobbledegook phrases and I don't know where the suggestion of an MRI came from but can I suggest a meeting with your GP in the first instance and be forceful with them if they try to brush your concerns off? Use the professional route for treatment rather than suggestions from here, made from individual experiences.

My TBI occurred 45 years ago. I still become depressed and upset but I now control the upset. I try to ignore the depressions which are now not as bad as they used to be and I seem to be doing a good job - if I can do it, so can you.

Good luck.

[Onceaborderer in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your advice, 45 years is a long long time. I assume through all that time it has got better or have you just learnt how to control it.

[Hidden in reply to Onceaborderer]

I learnt to control the temper and confrontational bits simply by walking away from it; the depression is a little harder as I try to be positive and happy although my mood is somewhat darker.

45 years is a long time but as time passes I did notice as things changed and the depressions and tempers did become less but I tackled the problem as I said long before I noticed myself mellowing.

[headwayuk Partner Headway]

Hi Onceaborderer,

Thank you for your extremely honest and open post about the way you feel. As usual on this site, it's good to see the excellent support and suggestions from our members and I hope this is helping you.

If it's OK with you, can I ask you to contact our helpline to talk this through? It's a free, confidential service, open 9am-5pm. They can discuss this in detail with you and help you to get the best support.

You can contact them on 0808 800 2244 - a telephone conversation would probably be best here, but you can also email them on [e-mail] if you'd prefer.

Alternatively, if you'd like to send us a private message on here with your phone number I can pass that on and ask them to call you.

Best wishes,

Headway.

[Hidden]

I wish I understood better & could help you. My TBI was nearly 13 years ago & I've been through some v tough times, but in the last few months I had been feeling so much better.

Then I took on too much at work and went right back to what you describe, feeling my emotions get out of control. I'm struggling to sleep again (last 3 nights have not been good, despite medication) and I lost my temper with my daughter and shouted v loudly at her. This made us both cry. I don't know whether to blame it on doing too much work/finding it hard to keep up due to brain injury. A psychiatrist I once saw said I would probably have had emotional difficulties without the brain injury.

During the compensation fight, a neurologist said he doubted that anything would show if I had an MRI, don't know if that is the same for you or not. If it DID show something it would make you reassured, but if it didn't it might make you feel more down & out of control. Neuropsychologists rose the level of god during my recovery as they seem to be the only ones who really understood, maybe you should see one again. But I can't pretend to know the whole situation of course.

I saw the Headway reply - reckon personally I would call them as they've been so helpful to me over the years on a variety of subjects. Don't feel it's too long since your brain injury to contact them; I am coming (ridiculously slowly!) to the conclusion that one can't say 'I'm better! Hooray!' as life throws new challenges into the mix just when you're least expecting them. I'm still on a learning curve 13 years on.

Good luck x

[Onceaborderer in reply to Hidden]

I haven't even thought about applying for compensation yet as I don't know or understand what is going on yet. Did you receive compensation, and if so how drawn out was the claim.

I am of work now, I am in the army but waiting to be medically discharged for depression and not a brain injury, so I need to fight to make sure that I am correctly diagnosed so I can get the proper support b4 being flung onto the scrap heap lol.

Are there any groups where people with TBI meet to talk about there injuries, and swap advice.

[Hidden]

Yes, there are local groups, you should ask Headway which one is nearest to you.

Compensation - I don't live in the UK & I found the fight for compensation long & demoralising, to the extent that I settled too early. But hey-ho, that's the way it goes.

Best of luck wtih everything.

[Arcturuszone]

Yes , it is normal to feel like this if you've had a brain injury. I know it's horrible. I had to send my daughter to live away from me. She wasn't able to mitigate her behaviour and so I snapped. It was a real thing that I could hurt her. It's a terrible feeling and it' isn't your fault. However it is down to you to take responsibility. Perhaps you need to think about what you need and put it in place ; that is, I needed peace and a lot of quiet, a lot of control in my environment in the first 3 years. I moved to a bungalow on my own in the middle of nowhere. I can be around children now and am much more flexible and calm. If you've never had that peace it must be really difficult. My heart goes out to you. Yes, see a neuro- psychologist not an ordinary psychologist. Ask for the long test ..... My experience was that most medical people haven't a clue and they'll tag you depressed before you know it and offer you pills and talking therapy which will do nothing much. Don't settle for less. My heart goes out to you - I know this is a difficult one.