I am struggling sometimes with the blanks in my story. I remember phoning 999 at home, the paramedics arriving and my last memory is sitting in excruciating pain in A & E and then nothing for five days. Apparently I was able to communicate to the consultants prior to operation, afterwards I think I was sleeping for four days. When I was fully conscious I didn't realise what I had been through, I had no memory. My memory was in pieces but I didn't know why. I came home nine days later and tried to have a cigarette and a glass of wine as if nothing had happened. I was back in hospital, in high dependency the next day with a vasospasm. Once again i have no memory of the first week, I started to form memories a week later. The blanks play on my mind sometimes, I always feel I am searching to put the pieces together. The conversations I had with consultants, family, friend all gone, not retained for a nano second! I know I should let it go; may be that is the lesson, to let things go that are not important?