My son tried to take his life

my son was 12 when i had my TBI. he couldnt cope with the change in me.... he was going through pubity and had no support as to cope and handle his feelings about what had happend/ He had gained a new mum. one who was less independent. less mobile. easerly fustrated. very poor memory and thick.... he punished me for being this way to a point where i had a very bad emotional break down. My son went to stay with friends rather than go into care. it was the best for both of us. He started 6form but had learnt to pley a victim in all this and use my TBI as a way of getting out of trouble. The tachers havee now issued him a warning and also my friends who have given him a home have had enough now to. He fell out with his sister over hurting her and i got upset with him on Christmas day as he again punished me for getting fustrated whilst trying to organise a christmas Dinner using only a microvave as i am not allowed to use anything else due to memory problems.saftey... any way he went to a party 30th dec .. he is 16 now.... took drink then self harmed then took pills and ended up in hospital. he is ok tho thank god... and when i chat to him he says it is me that is the reason he wants to die. ???this has cut me up so bad as i have raised my 3 children on my own. i have been on my own for 10 years and have put them first all the time.i dont have my hair done nails done ,expensive clothes. i dont have a social life. i dont smok or drink/ i have been mum and dad to them. and now i cannot forful that roll he hates me.

He blames everyone else fror his wrong doings. he lies about things and manipulates people. he make them feel sorry for him . I LOVE HIM SO MUCH but don't no what to do. he is going to be kicked out of school and homless because of his ways,,

my medical team state i am a vunrable adult and cannt have him back at home for my own health and the saftey of my other kids . witnessing his abuse towards me. THE THING IS HE CANNOT SEE HIS WRONG DOINGS is why people get upset with him.. I hurt so and dont no what to do. i am a mum and want to FIX things but carnt..... just needed a moan. thanks for your ears. xx

please there are 2 sides to every storey and my son is not here to give his so this is only a moan and advice as to how a brain injurd mum copes with this situaltion..

17 Replies

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  • I am so very sorry for what you are all going through, you and your son do not deserve this!

    No one is perfect but with your son being a teenager, mine at 16 were the most hard to get close too, they seem to expect you to put them first but also want to be independant.

    The worry and pain you are going through must be imeasurable but maybe this is a turning point. I wish I could help you, please take all the advise and help you can and never blame yourself

    Love to you both, Linda xx

  • i feel for you, i really wish i could add something that would help you :(

    one day he will grow up and will change how he feels.

    my heart truly goes out to you xx

  • Oh dear. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, though. You are really unlucky, at what happened to you, (and he is too, of course). He is going through a very bad patch, which some teenagers go through. The hospital really should have organized help for him. If not, jump up and down, until they do!

  • My daughter (16) took pills earlier this year, actually just before her sister had her car accident and got her TBI. I do not have a TBI but we have a lot of issues going on in the family.

    Anyway, the hospital where great. Before she left hospital she had a meeting with CAMHS (I presume your son did). The also arranged follow up meetings with CAMHS and a social worker. My girls also attended Relateen, which is a part of Relate to talk about issues surrounding their father and my sepertion.

    I cannot offer any more help but stamp your feet and ensure that your son gets the help he so desperately needs.

    It is not your fault!!! It is a set of circumstances that have come together to create a situation.

  • Hi Zainey-Lainey

    how sad things are for you? the best way to get services / help for your son and yourself is to SHOUT - usually through the GP,(Ettenna is right CAMHS is great but you need to fight for these services but i think you and your son is at crisis point) you have had to accept your TBI and the changes in your life. your son needs to learn to accept it too, and understand what it means, I wish i could help, has he been on the website? could he write what he feels,is there anything headway can offer? maybe social services can step into prevent placement breaking down and offer support - my heart goes out for you and i cant imagine your hurt - i have two teenagers and I struggle at times - use the blog to off load and get support from the comments - keep strong xx

  • It hit my daughter hardest, she took it hard when it happened as she wished i didnt have to be away at work so much. She thought she ahd caused it but didnt tell me till she was 13 and self harming. then it was the letting go of the carer role that hit her, she didnt want me to do more and more things independanlty. She saw cahms and she was in young acreres, she also had help from the social workers and from school and family support. She is still getting counselling and working through it. It does affect them in different ways. She is srtong and independant and 17 now, in her ;last year at school and doing advanced highers. Im so very proud of her but it has been very rough at times. Accept all the help you can get x

  • I feel for you both very much. Obviously it isn't fair on you as you have experienced and are having to deal with a huge change in you life, something you didn't ask for which has turned your life upside down. My mum and dad have both had subarachnoid haemmorages in the last year. My mum ha done great but I can see personality changes but I am old enough to understand she cannot help or control this and I accept it. My dad is still in rehab, unable to speak, walk or do anything for himself. It's awful as he was so full of energy and put me to shame. But again I have to deal with whatever is to come. BUT I do feel terribly sorry for you son, boys are so much more sensitive, especially where mums are concerned and rather than talk or cry, quite often they run into trouble or things get on top of them so much they think the only way is out. My brother got into trouble repeatedly as a result of my parents divorce and also talked about taking his life. Your son is lost and needs help and support to get back on track, he MUST talk to someone and so must you. Please please get him to seek help, he is struggling to come to terms with things and he is at a very vulnerable age, I know he seems selfish but he is fighting his own battle and behaving badly for a reason. Please keep us informed and message me if you want to sons off, lots of love, Helen xxx

  • Ps I meant SOUND off!! X

  • Can't get this out of my head, can headway help?

  • cahms are in volved now and a physcitrist which is good but they did say if he felt like doing it again then there will be no one on call new years day and to ring on the 2nd. WHAT? he has to wait till the 7th of jan till his social worker is back of hols.. i did try out of hours but they said the same , keep hiim safe till his social worker is back from leave...be it on there conscience if he does feel unsupported and wants out..He had to leave hospital and go back to the life he is trying to escape from. Guess i was hoping they would take hime to a safe house where there would be help and support. do these exsist? if i wuin the lottery i will have one built. But so far he is ok.... MANY THANKS for your supprt on here. love ya all x (lubilu your a star )

  • What about phoning the Samaritans, they offer all sorts of support, even if you just want to talk, but they may also be able to point you in the right direction. I know you shouldn't have to be dealing with this but unfortunately he is struggling and once he is sorted you can relax a bit! Xx

  • Hi zainey-lainey,

    Really sorry to hear of the situation with your son - glad to hear you have the support from the CAMHS team - how is that going?

    We'd be happy to talk through any additional support we might be able to provide - do call our helpline on 0808 800 2244 or email helpline@headway.org.uk if you'd like to discuss things in more detail.

    Best wishes to you and your son,

    Headway.

  • Hi zainey-lainey,

    How's things? X

  • just waiting the his social worker comes back off his hols.He has an appointment with Camhs next week in the mean time keep him safe and make him feel loved. ... I need to ring HEADWAY for support but i keep FORGETTING! hehe as we do...

  • Well I am thinking of you and you can tell him that some strange woman who he doesn't know is thinking of him too! Both my parents have had subarachnoid hemorrhages in the last 12 months, I know how hard it is, I think due to his age it is hard for him to understand xx

  • Update . My son is going to what is called a youth hub?Basically for homeless 16-17 year olds. Broke my heart to think my son is classed as homeless. i want to whip him up and put him in my pocket bring him home but i cannot.Just waiting for a place and will be placed on a pathaway.Pathway one is a 6 week stay with couciling and mediation between family to get him back with family. Pathway 2 is 2 years long term with help getting them ready to live independently, with support for work education. They have to be assesed and classed as low risk meadium risk high risk. to decide the support they get. The thing is high risk involves teens who have criminal backgrounds an drugs and behavioural problems.. The thought of him being with teens like that scares me but they need help to . I just hope my son finds his morals and conscience he was brought up with and dosnt learn any ways taht are wrong.. I have not been told any thing about this place. i have had to do my own home work. My son is anxcious as he just wants a place of his own so he can do his own thing. We feel it may be like a youth club with bedrooms??? does anyone know anything about thses youth hubs-pathways?His father is ready to take him to live with him should my son hate it there so thats a good thing but it will mean leaving 6th form and friends. This is why he chooses to try the accomodation offerd at the homless. I think i a way it will be good for him just ss he can see there are boundries . kerfews and other people to consider in life. and have support on hand. I feel better knowing he is hanging on in there hping for something better i just hope this place Dosnt push him over the edge if he hates it.

  • it is now july and he has been staying in a ladies house as a lodger in a little box room.. So much for the youth hub pathway thing ,counseling etc...chams wernt helpful so he stopped going.he says he gets no support. He now suffers with depression and has missed 6th form so many times that he is now off the role. so has messed up all his A levels. he lives on income support and has started smoking and self harming. all because no one listen to me when i said he needed support as much as me in the beginning.All i can do is love hime. beleave he has a good core/soul and in time he will be a good adult.

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