My Son

My son had a tbi Jan 2014. He lost his speech and also has right side weakness. He has made big strides and lives on his own in Southampton. He is in his 30's and does not have any immediate family near him, I live in Northern Ireland and his dad lives in Glasgow. He visited me this weekend and his talking has come on leaps and bounds and I can now have a conversation with him :) He manages to keep himself busy during the day but he is lonely in the evenings and has confessed that he has been taking alchol in the evenings because he is "bored". This really worries me for lots of reasons!!!! Does anybody know of any voluntary work, groups or activities in the evening time that he could participate in I hate the idea of him turning to alchol.

7 Replies

  • Has he contacted his local headway group to see what is out there. I am sure there is a group in southampton ( I think I bumped into some on holiday a year or so ago from the said group).

    Also ask local social services or even voluntary action group. This presuming there is any in southampton.

    unfortunately this is very general advice as I live in a different part of the country.

    Sorry I cant be of any more help

    Good luck Pax

  • Hi Bonnie

    As paxo said I live in a different part of the country.

    Do you know if there is any input by Occupational Therapy or physiotherapy and could you suggest that your son talk to them?

    Failing that you could call headway directly to check if there is a group in Southampton.

    It sounds like your son is very social and perhaps a group would be good for him.

    All the very best



  • There are a lot of social groups everywhere through the website

    Just search on the site for the areas where you and your son lives. They are usually very welcoming as long as your son feels reasonably confident about meeting people.

  • Hi bonniebimbo,

    Left cranium fracture, similar injuries effect right side, from TBI in '97, intensive care 5 months, had to learn to walk talk, etc, people laughing at you, pointing, unable to understand - it's many years ago but at time where TBI was not so well understood as it today in health service.

    Suggest joining health club, if money maybe an issue to enrol at local council run one. Have found that there not that much difference in cost tbh, though !

    This will focus his mind on looking after himself, and most importantly what he eats, drinks. A couple of rounds whilst out at night normally covers the monthly £'s for a health club membership !!

    Turn his evenings of boredom into keeping fit, and understanding body better 2.

    Get an approiate workout made up from the available Personal Training staff onsite, and pay special attention to any exercises that will help strengthen any muscles affected from injury.., Ask for any suggestions on what to eat to keep healthy and food types to buy, helping him into better lifestyle, which promotes his recovery.

    Once settled I'm sure he will meet new people of all ages, who might have suffered injuries from broken bones to muscle strains, tears, etc, All sharing 1 similar interest of keeping fit.

    Fitness has helped me, dramatically over the last 18 years, having a hobby to 'Focus' on and mix/share with others in your life is very Important in TBI recovery - fitting in again and accepted !

    So even if he doesn't fancy keeping fit, there are so many other things available .., and blimey .., The Internet !! .., not around when I had a TBI .., living in the countryside had to try to recover somehow on my own as that decade Internet was just beginning to evolve - so nowhere near any of info available, today !

    Tell your lad - When he feels without a direction, to think there are tens of thousands of post TBI sufferers around the world, all feeling without a purpose, having conflicting thoughts, unable to express and make any right choices !

    He most certainly is not on his OWN !! Even though nobody really understands the mental pain, blicking the world out - to get away from it all !

    I'm afraid addiction is one of the many health conditions which will occur after a TBI :-(

    Unable to sleep, is another, and probably why he drinks so he can sleep later on !

    Loss of appropriate behavioural or social skills..., but all these can be addressed and treated.

    Wish you both success, in your sons recovery and yourself feeling so far away so you can keep on eye on him !

  • Samaritans and other phone helplines often need people in the evenings. Or he could try local youth services or voluntary groups such as Scouting...I don't know a Scout group that isn't crying out for leaders. Plus they are usually very disabled friendly and you get the chance to do loads of stuff....

  • Hi,

    I had my bi nearly 30 years ago when I was only 15. I am still learning new ways to cope. I recently found out about 'men's shed' a group for men who have had strokes/brain injuries. They have groups all over the UK. I now work with people with Tbi and I accompanied a young fella to a golf outing organised by the men's shed. They were so nice and seemed to have something different organised for every day of the week. You could look up their web site or face book page to find the closest one to your son. They were set up to help men talk about the problems they were having and meet with others in a similar situation, but at the same time to do something enjoyable.

    The other groups I have found helpful are Headway, the Community Brain Injury Team and the Cedar Foundation, really supportive and helpful

    I wish your son all the best , I have found a lot of help in NI but I am sure it will be the same in Southampton

  • Hi Bonnie, As siad in other replies must be a Headway group near him that he could contact. Being bored is one thing but if he's drinking because he's bored then he needs to talk to other people with similar injuries as he's got to try and relive that boredom. From my own experiences I have found talking to others with similar problems and experiences really helps, like we do here. Worth a try and hope all goes well. N

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