Meeting friends!

[Jigsaw]

Does anyone else struggle to get our there and meet friends? I keep fibbing to save their feeling and hide indoors or go somewhere really busy or the cinema on my own where no one will notice me! x

[fuzzyhead]

Totally. The only people who have unrestricted access to my discretionary time are my wife, my mom and my son. My brain is unpredictable, and if I don't feel up to it then that's just the way it is. Friends have to book at least a week in advance (preferably longer) so I can psyche myself up to it. Otherwise they just have to see how I feel when they ask.

I do worry that I ostracise myself a bit doing that, but experience has shown me that people don't understand when I say something anyway, so people just have to take me as I come.

[ncmurphy1951]

am afraid my view is after 16months in hospital i try to get back to normal as much as possible friends old business colleagues as i now disabled on a few occassions i do feel like the novelty turkey on parade shutting ones self away leads to depression and dark places been there and didn't ;ike it nor it me

[Jigsaw]

Thank you, I do agree that the more you hide away the harder is becomes, but my brain struggles a bit to keep up, I suppose at least I come out with some daft stuff to make people laugh x

[sugly]

My husband is the same, it is hard to get him to go anywhere but he does enjoy the routine of going to our local headway. Small steps.

[Crocus]

I have to make a conscious effort to arrange to meet friends but I always feel better fr making the effort. I think the brain will take a shortest route to recovery and if something's harder it can feel like too much work to do it but I know that the love and company always lifts me up even if i am different to the old me. It's easier to hide away sometimes but bloody lonely

[Jigsaw in reply to Crocus]

I agree with everything to say! Today I didn't leave the house, an excuse I know but just didn't feel able to or that my company was worth putting on someone else but by the end of the day I felt so sad and with no motivation to do anything!

Feel guilty being so miserable & ungrateful but some days are so difficult

Thank you for talking x

[Justyc]

Wow, ive only just noticed this discussion. I feel reassured its not just me, i feel like making effort with friends has to be a very active one (i'm sure i wasn't like this before). I have moved back to Brighton (as after having my admittance to hospital i moved back to Suffolk to be with my family). I like to make plans so i know in my mind what is happening and reassured its going to go ahead and not feel let down. I definitely have days where being around people and meeting new people just isnt appealing, but social interactions help the soul but i constantly worry about what people think of me and does it put them off once i tell them what's happened?

[spideyman]

Ive done it twice now.

I was 18 with the 1st SAH and ppl used to ignore me and warn other ppl to stay away from me and not to speak to me.

After yrs of going through that i now choose friends very wisely indeed.

Ppl would pretend to be friendly to have a noce into your life but once they found out then theyd ignore you.

I had a small stroke just over a yr ago and ive realised now who to trust ad who not to.

I dont go out much where i live but im not afraid to venture out.

Saves money not going to the local pub.

Merry Christmas x

[Matt2584]

I am a bit of a hermit. I was much more of a hermit years ago but since I joined Headway in 2007 my confidence and independence grew. I am now in touch with many more folk and I actually get a nice handful of Christmas cards :). However, although my independence has got a lot better than it was, it isn't completely at it's best. When I go out and about, I am mostly with someone, usually my Mum. After speaking to a friend about my independence I now go to the local pub, on my own for a pint then walk back home. This friend I was talking to about this sometimes meets me at the pub. It is one thing to go to the pub on my own but it is something else to meet a friend at the pub too :). I should think in time I will be venturing off to other places nearby on my own. I can see myself doing these things in my head, going to cafés and things on my own, but I just need to build up my confidence with something small first like going to the pub :).