Feeling upset with myself

[wannagetbetter]

Generally, I love being around kids, people friends... since the surgery it has been more difficult. I also get irritated when people turn up unexpectedly. My partner's friend just stopped by with with 3 kids( 2 under the age of 5) you can imagine the sounds.The flooring is wooden so everything echoes. Sometimes I will entertain the kids but I just can't today. Had a pressure building in my head earlier this morning so came back to bed and rested\slept for a couple hours. Was happy for the peace and quiet to think. now I just came back to my bedroom. Feel slightly more relaxed now that I got this off my chest however I do feel mean. I don't like when I get like this. I don't understand

[Kirk5w7]

It's quite normal, don't feel mean, I can't cope with excessive noise, and I'm the same with my granddaughters, they are 5 &7,try explaining that to your friend that your brain has trouble dealing with more than one input and has to prioritise, so loud noise predominates and multi tasking, that is holding a conversation at the same time is just exhausting.

In my case, my vision dims and I lose the thread of a conversation, it's so hard shopping where there is loud noise or too many people cos it overwhelms me, to the point if I have to talk to the shop assistants I walk away!! I must appear very rude sometimes xx

Janet xxx

[SAMBS]

pls don't be upset wannagetbetter, yes it is normal - noise can send us doo-lally! My brother-in-law has tinnitus so he always has music on in his house - or the tv both quite loud. He says it drowns out the noise in his ear! It drives me nuts - especially if I am in back of his car and his wifes itting in front talks to me, I just can't hear all the noise justs goes inside my head, so now I ask them to turn the radio down there! He doesn't like it but I just find it unbearable. He drives fast along the coutry roads and I imagine I'm seeing things that just aren't there. Yes it all comes back to the senses again. Yesterday I had no noise here at all - no radio or tv till evening. It was lovely! You are trying to accommodate your visitors and they must learn to accommodate you, its your home they are visiting. Have you spoken to your partner about it, perhaps he could have a quiet word with them (no pun intended) for the next time they visit. xxx

[wannagetbetter]

thanks all. I had an irritable moment and sometimes my awareness of my limitations got to me. I already spoke to the hubby. Apparently this has happened before. I can't remember. I usually just go to the bedroom. Today I really wished I could have played with them a little as I haven't seen them since the summer. It didn't happen at all today.

[Hidden]

Don't feel bad. We have explained to everybody that there are times when my hubby post injury cannot tolerate noise. We have told people not to be offended if he walks away to find some quiet space when they are there - those that continue to support us are not offended. The children and grandchildren all understand that sometimes he needs space and quiet and that he is not being antisocial. First of all people said that they would give him space and stay quiet and we said no - only he knows when he needs the space and the quiet - so just leave him to walk away when he needs to.

You may want to explain to your close friends and family how it feels and that it is entirely normal for you to feel like that post surgery. Ask them politely to let you know when they are coming and also ask them not to take offence if you say today isn't the day for a visit.

Those that matter wont mind

x

[Negeen]

Wannagetbetter, I wouldn't stress over it.. even if I didn't have brain damage I would not have the patience for three toddles.

[vjones2]

im glad you brought this up i can read others replies back to you its not kids its all so after reading other people its normalthank you all and you wanna et better v

[Mikesghost]

How long has it been since your surgery? I know I was short tempered and nasty for about a year after my tumour was removed in 2010. Noise of any kind would annoy me and set me off. I still find certain sounds annoying but I can now keep my irritation to myself.

[brighton88]

I had the same problem as you after my first surgery and was told it was sensory overload which did improve greatly within months, unfortunately for me I then went into endocrine failure so now still suffer when under stress which is often noisy and crowded places, so sorry you're suffering the way I cope is to just disappear into another room and sit quietly until I feel able to return. Last October I had a family member visit with their three young children, they were supposed to stay for a week but after two days had to ask them to leave; I was at boiling point with all the noise the children made. I have found other coping strategies, such as shopping in the late evening so as to avoid the large busy supermarkets. Sorry no answers other than I have the same issues as you along with the same symptoms.

[Hidden]

DON'T FEEL BAD, IAM THE SAME. I HATE SURPRISE VISITS & I CONFESS THERE ARE TIMES I DON'T ANSWER THE DOOR. I ALSO DON'T ALWAYS ANSWER THE PHONE EITHER. IF PEOPLE WANT ME THEY CAN LEAVE A MESSAGE. I USED TO LOVE LOUD MUSIC BUT NOW I HAVE IT ON ALMOST SILENT IF I CAN COPE WITH LISTENING TO IT AT ALL. THIS IS A REAL LOSS FOR ME BUT I'VE LEARNT TO LIVE WITH MY LIMITATIONS TO SOME EXTENT. I CAN'T BEAR SHOPPING I CAN'T COPE WITH ALL THE PEOPLE WALKING TOWARDS ME & I CONSTANTLY WALK INTO THEM & THEIR TROLLIES AS I CANT WORK OUT WHICH WAY THEY'RE GOING THANK GOODNESS FOR THES INTERNET. I BUY EVERYTHING ON HERE. ALL THIS MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A MISERABLE OLD BAG BUT AS BI SURVIVORS WE NEED TO LOOK AFTER OURSELVES .& SOMETIMES NEED TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR US. I DON'T THINK THE PEOPLE THAT MATTER NEED AN EXPLANATION.

TAKE CARE

[RogerCMerriman]

Even when I was a young I was always a bit sound sensitive, my mother is as well.

Now I find it worse and tiring which ends up in a feedback loop, I don't much like tv etc. I normally go and sleep/rest my familly has kids and I love seeing them but I do find it exhausting.

[Sem2011]

yes I have the same problem, have a niece and nephew 7 and 8 which I love seeing, but could not cope with my nieces bday party with loads of children and music. my partner of 7years has 15 twins who Have lived with us since they were 9 full time. they mother does not see much of them. I have found it all too much coping with their mum's mental health problems, erratic behaviour and the impact on the girls, and in turn that I had a massive mental down last November and ended up in hospital. I have been living with my 21 year old son for the last three months, but still seeing my partner. the only solution we and the doctor can see is for me to move back to my old house on my own, and my partner stay sometimes and I stay with him and twins in short doses. it breaks my heart as I love them all very much but I cannot cope and become very irritated and can find no peace in our small house. I am the only person who lives like this? We are decorating at the moment and I am due to move soon and I am scared and feel like My brain injury has beaten us, but I know it's best for peace of the family

[Schnarff]

Hi,

I have only just joined this site and reading this post and the responses has been overwhelming for me in a positive way. Ever since my accident I have been more irritable especially around noise or if there are lots of things happening all at once. Reading your comments has shown me that actually its ok because there are others like me out there.

[Annef68]

My son has a 5yr old sadly lives with his ex partner in England (we live in Scotland) but we do have regular visits. He loves spending time with her, but she's a busy wee person & does use up all his energy. He often feels upset about this as feels guilty that he can't spend every minute together during her stay with her, as he often needs to rest. Can't explain it but think his brain goes into overload watch her having fun. We have a large family who help & we now try to split the day up to allow the valuable daddy daughter time then there's the granny grandad, aunty uncle etc time to fill in the time when daddy's resting. She's a bright wee cookie & knows that daddy needs to rest as she was only 2 when he was injured, to young to remember how daddy was before his injury, only know daddy as he is now. He's an amazing daddy & loves her to bits, she's his world

Really what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up about this I'm sure those around you care very much & will understand x

[Sem2011 in reply to Annef68]

Thanks Annef68. it does make me feel better knowing I am not alone in this situation. my parents do not really understand why I am having to move, but just like everybody else on this site we need peace and quiet sometimes before our brain explodes :). Good luck x

[Annef68]

We've even had moments were someone pops into visit & my son sits for awhile then he asks them if they haven't got anything else to be getting on with. Was a wee bit embarrassing at first but all the visitors, friends & my son have a chuckle about it now as we know he isn't intending to be rude. Hey but I do always say to people not to be offended as he can do this with us all. His brain just gets tired & he then like to chill in his own space