NY Resolve: never say "You're looking well!"

[Graceissufficient]

It closes everything down, doesn't it?

What it means in practice is - please don't take up my time whining. Surely you're over it now.

Particularly in TBI where we may be getting lots of sleep because the brain is shutting us down, we may look superficially well at a glance.

And often it's maybe meant well, to cheer us up.

But I find it absolutely depressing.

My reply in 2025 will be a blunt: "I'm not at all well though.

But don't let's talk about that, how are you?"

It's taught me all over again how important and rare it is to ask open questions and listen properly. One of the biggest gifts we can give anyone. And to value anyone who does that above gold, because it's not easy listening to people unload, and it's not instinctive.

[RogerCMerriman]

I think the “your looking well” masks folks uncomfortableness with the idea of brain injuries, which are often from the mundane ie it could be them only takes a little fall etc.

[WonderingWanda]

I think people who care about us are willing us to be better and they cling to anything positive they can say.

But I think it’s important to put them straight and it’s a good idea to say that we are not really , but it doesn’t need deep conversation. So I like the idea of shutting it down then opening it up back to them. I’ll give that a try too!

[Teazymaid]

my friend has terminal cancer and although we are both very different in what we are dealing with the thing we both hate so much is “your looking well” if only they knew what is going on behind .. I know it is said from ignorance to the truth behind many people who look well … they are extremely lucky people 🙂 Sue

[Nemo24]

& reply with "how much looks can be deceiving? "