Since having a brain injury my mood has become worse than it ever was! I used to suffer with depression before but it was nothing in comparison to this!
I feel I have gone backwards! Before the brain injury I passed my driving test 1st time with 3 minor faults. Since the brain injury I have had several driving lessons and still been unsuccessful at 2 driving assessments! (Also driving classic cars was my hobby before and it's all I ever wanted to do) My mood has worsened day by day since the brain injury and I now spend my life wishing my life had ended at the time of the accident, as I wouldn't of suffered. That feeling has only got stronger and stronger ever since, I feel lonely and embarrassed at the situation I'm in. I still get very tired and have terrible aches and pains. I have a face like thunder now and I feel like I am possessed ! I hate it.
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Normanbates
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Can you tell us more about your accident and how long ago it happened ? Most of us here have been through (or are going through) the months/years of acceptance of our new, less able, selves after brain injury, and adapting accordingly. It's hard.
I know antidepressants can be a contentious subject but, after many years of turmoil, I was prescribed a SSRi ; it gave me back the focus & positivity I hadn't known since childhood. If you haven't tried a medical option, would you consider it ?
And maybe speak with the Headway helpline, on freephone 0808 800 2244, for professional advice & support on getting through the aftermath. They're none-judgemental and have helped many others here.
Hi thanks I'm on antidepressants (currently 30mg mirtazipine) it's alright but I still feel all emotions, the tablets do take the edge off too some extent.I only put my name as Norman because since this accident I have felt like a psyco (that's just my running joke) although I do feel like I've lost the plot 😅🤣.
I am still struggling with tiredness too, really find getting up in the mornings hard, part of me feels like my brain injury symptoms are me being paranoid but the other part thinks it's all just because of the TBI.
My accident happened on the 3rd of October 2022. I feel completely passed my sell by date and have done ever since.
I do like to joke about things when I can but I find it all very challenging indeed.
The changes we experience after brain injury are often life-changing and isolating. But after my son & daughter were warned by the consultant that their mum would emerge a very different person, I was adamant that I'd be the exception to the rule.
First thing I did on discharge from hospital was to insist on walking to the shops alone (put the fatigue/confusion down to prolonged inactivity). And I decided I needed a symbol of my fitness, so ordered a new, bright yellow bike.
But feigning 'triumph over illness' only brought frustration and defeatism, and it was around 3 years before I accepted my limitations and, still testing the boundaries here & there, I started respecting them.
Losing who we once were is like any other bereavement ; the loss feels all-consuming 'til the passage of time leads us to different aims and values.
I'll always lament losing the person I used to be, but with less anger, and more focus on present achievements despite the brain injury. And re. your comments on humour ; it's such a big part of my life (if a bit dark at times). I honestly didn't see the significance of Normanbates 'til you mentioned it . . . . great choice (& a character strangely close to the hearts of many !)
v sorry to hear. Grief for the what has been lost, the person we used to be, is inevitable and not a failure of will.
Think you might consider talking to your GP though, you need referring to someone you can talk this through with.
Big sympathy on the driving, it represents independence and of course if you love classic cars much more than that. I hope you can find some classic car enthusiasts near you to make links with - some on line forum might guide you to that? Just an idea. You could help work on restoration without driving till you get your mojo back perhaps.
Thanks for your response, sadly, now if I see a classic car, it triggers me and reminds me of what I've lost! So my interests have changed, not sure if it's permanent or temporary. I have a neuropsychologist but I'm not sure what is happening with that right now.
Sorry to hear you're in this situation. Sympathise over driving and cars - losing the independence is awful (actually we say 'independence'; in a lot of places it's just 'basic ability to leave your house'). My love is climbing and outdoors, and I find myself feeling rather bitter when I see what other people are doing. I have to minimise my contact with that world for my sanity.
It is really, really hard when you can't do your normal coping mechanisms, AND you have so much going on that's making you feel worse. The one escape I've found is reading - I spend so much more time doing it now, but it has to be the right thing - currently it's a book about a woman fucking off to live on her own in the quiet of the Canadian wilderness; I'm sure you can see why that appeals to me Other old hobbies are just very difficult or impossible to do now.
The other thing I'd say is please don't think you're being paranoid or diminish what you're going through. We can so easily do that. But in short, things are really crap with a brain injury. I don't think denying that helps.
You mention tiredness. Exhaustion and lack of sleep is one of the very worst things for my mood. I don't say that with blame or judgment at all - it is really ruddy hard to sleep well with this sometimes - but if there is anything you can do to help yourself get more rest, and more relaxation time - WITHOUT feeling guilty or beating yourself up for doing it - do. It won't necessarily make the demons go away, but I've found it maybe helps me keep them bubbling away rather than exploding all over the ceiling, if that makes sense.
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Other old hobbies are just very difficult or impossible to do now. 
Lack of motivation
He's coming home in a couple weeks. 9 months after BI
Hi, from a new member
First time post
