Headway
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Do you feel like your having to forget the old you

My mum and others keep saying to the sooner I come to how I am and my limitationsthe better I’ll be and I’ll be able to move forward. But I say to them I don’t think I’ll ever forget me before I think that’s what drives me forward. I do find it hard like when I’m doing college work I look at it and think this should be easy as I was clever before my bi, it’s like the old mes always in my head.lol, I was speaking to som I met in hospital and he said it’s about time I came to terms to what’s happened and realise I’m 37 not 18 which got me thinking is he right but then after abit and talking to people I thought no I can have aspirations and dreams so I’ll carry on, but it does feel at times there’s two of me the old one and now,I just can’t see limitations and can’t,is time,lol

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Stupid things like not checking my texts for mistakes,sorry I think you’ll all understand it

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Hi Dynamite,

I think it's rather presumptuous of people to expect anyone to do that. My BI happened at the age of 59 so I should forget my whole life so I can move forward. I think not, that was the person I was, I may be different now and this is the person I am now.

I know I strive to be that other person, and mostly I am, luckily my intellect is still intact, I have some physical issues and my brain processes at a slower rate now, but I still beat the lady testing my mental arithmetic whilst in rehab and she had a calculator!.

I wouldn't want to forget the old me, it makes it difficult to move forward but everyone should have a goal in life xxx

Carryon carrying on I say xxx

Janet xx

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janet intelligence the more intelligent you are, the more you retain after a brain injury.

my short term memory may be a bit dodgy but my long term memory is pretty good.

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Hi Steve

I understand what you say although I look on it as being the more you stretched and used your brain before then there were more pathways there and post BI it's about finding new ways through those pathways, reconnecting them in different ways.

Plus I'm never satisfied unless I'm learning something new. I've done extra A levels as well as different hobbies like stained glass and I did a floristry City and guilds that led to a change of career, all pre BI.

Even now I still push myself to try new hobbies, marquetry and jewellery making.

I have to keep busy.

Janetx

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Good on you Janet it’s never to late to learn new things like I’m doing at college if you don’t try you don’t know what your brains cable of, that’s what they said to me in hospital about creating new path ways I’d be interested to know if this is for ever or a certain time after your bi

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I think it's forever Dynamite. You read of pensioners completing degrees don't you. You have to have the will, but anything is possible I'm sure,

It gets a little difficult with some things but I was told practice, practice, practice that's the way forward.

Janet x

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I've been reading lots about neuroplasticity - new links and pathways - and in spite of what some doctors might say, others are convinced that this never ends. There's a great deal of info on YT, some very interesting and heartening vids on The TBI Coach's site. I love her!!

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Forgot to say, let's not allow the pessimists to push us towards self fulfilling prophecies. I'm not an optimist by nature, mind! I find positivity hard but I'm doing my best!!

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I think the TBI Coach's website is fantastic too

Janet

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What a lovely woman she is, her guests too, I've been practising some brain button techniques courtesy of Nathalie's video with Dr Carla Hannaford.

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hi janet strangely enough my bi has left me with adhd, so i have many tasks on the go through out the day.

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kirk5w7 there is a medical name for that but i cant remember what it is. no doubt you will look it up and remind me!!!!

ha ha ah steve.

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I hate when people say that.... take a walk in our shoes! See if they feel the same way then. I’m really angry, Cindy

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dynamite36 hard isnt it, coming to terms with the new you and beginning that new journey, i know ive been there.

i had a stroke which left me with a brain injury 51/2 years ago, my personality has changed totally, eventually i had to admit to myself i am a new person the better.

good luck

steve

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Hi Dynamite.

Forgeting who you was does not mean you have accepted who you are now and have moved on.

It took me a few years to accept I would not return to who I was. Accepting I had changed did help me move on but I have not forgotten who I was.

To forget that person would mean forgetting my life pre bi. That is something I will never do.

Yes I am a different me now but I am still ME.

You can move on without forgetting the old you...so long as you accept you amay no longer be that person anymore.

Be happy with the new you.

Pax

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Thanks pax but I find it hard excepting what I am now but that’s what drives me on to improve but telling me I can’t move on till I except what’s happened to me I say I might never be able to I just can’t,I’ll never be happy that’s what I was like before I always wanted more like I said to my mum that’s my personality I can’t change that

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Thanks Steve I’ll never lose my personality, I’m at college trying to build a new career so I’m always pushing myself mentally, but people keep saying that I should except how I am my personality before was I was driven and ambitious but people saying I should just except me know kind of makes me thinking what do they expect me to do just sit on the settee and except my life is over, when I said to you friend that I was struggling at college he just said it’s about time you came to realise you’ve had a serious bleed on your brain , it made me think but now I’m back on track I love proving people wrong

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Hi how do I cope I’ve lost my memory before my tbi. I cannot remember getting married or giving birth. I only know what I have been told? I now except the new me but cannot remember the old me.

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It's like grieving after a loved ones dies. We can't turn off our feeling of loss after only 3 years ; there'll still be periods of anguish. But with more time we assimilate that loss, allowing natural survival instincts to drive us on.

Keep pushing against your new boundaries Adam whilst respecting them, but don't turn your back on your past life because of resentment ; embrace your past memories, but as 'Then', whilst celebrating your new endeavours as 'Now'...............with knobs on ! xx

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The old me will never die I think what my family and people are saying is I can never have what I had before but people just virtual saying to me I should exept second best irritates me like when a doctor came up to meand said I should speak to someone on the spinal about spending the rest of mylife to which I saiid f off and he said pardon and I said don’t come here with that negative attitude,I know my bleed was massive and I’m lucky to be here but if I don’t make the most of it why I’m here what’s the point, thanks cat💋

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Good for you ! 😏 x

Night m'love......sleep well.

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Sweetdreams cat, x

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well put cat.

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This is so pertinent to my state of mind at present, its obvious we become someone "other" and we'll probably all miss our old selves and the lives we had, and lets face it everybody; we ALL had better lives before BI. I must be on some sort of cusp at the mo', I feel like 2 people, this can be exasperating and extremely confusing. Its ok for others to try and rush you into acceptance but remember they have no idea what you are going through , you are grieving your old self Dynamite, and surely that is an individual process and can not be rushed, your family could be more understanding, I urge you to take as long as "it" takes, there likely is a period of grief for you, enjoy the memories of your old self and never forget unless forgetting just seems to happen.

All the best

Fred

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Thanks Fred you've put it right,sometimes I can sit there memory's come back and make me smile and I think why is it coming back now with my memory amd I question it but now I just enjoy the memorys after all that's what life's about good memorys

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Accepting your limitations doesn't mean giving up. Everyone is limited - even Usain Bolt can't run 100 metres in 8 seconds. Nevertheless, he worked hard to run it in under 10 seconds and set a world record. Being blind is limiting compared to being able to see, but it didn't stop Stevie Wonder from learning the piano and becoming a great musician.

We might not be setting (or selling) any records, but we can push the boundaries and even do things people say we couldn't. Some way down the road (it's 40 years since my TBI), you learn where those boundaries are and whether it's worth going up against them or not.

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Dynamic 36

It’s hard work but I have a similar problem. I cannot remember a lot of my past. I can remember my first jobs and want to be the person I was then but that was many years ago and we cannot go back. I cannot remember getting married or giving birth to my daughter. We have to adapt to the people we are now and do the best we can😃

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My wife says that the kernel of me has remained, it’s true aspects of me have changed, I used to be very calm, but I have quite a temper now! And other aspects.

I do think it’s worth giving things a go, they don’t always work! And sometimes they need a few goes! Equally somethings aren’t worth the fight it’s about choosing the battles.

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What fantastic posts. Just what I needed to read. Going through a tough period of really understanding and accepting what I am actually capable of since encephalitis 18 mths ago. Have returned to my job which is going absolutely pear shaped and I suspect am being pushed out of the door. But really who can blame my employer? My organisation skills are horrendous and anything to do with memory forget it. At the moment lots of tears and frustration. However I am taking action - speaking to agencies who might be able to help me - too numerous to mention. I am very sad just at this time, but despite my very real grief for the old me, I am at least still well enough to know I need to take action and to actually "do" something about it. Life is sh.. but it could be worse and I do recognise there are others a lot worse off than I am. I keep plodding on....

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It's in Your Time to whatever. We ALL tick differently, nosey or otherwise.

I'm forever 22yrs old. I suppose the two sides to All of us is Like having the Aircon on / window open......

Think Headway mother might like that one.....^^@

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