I wish....

Do I wish, yes I do everyday. Whether I wish it's a better day than the day before, I'm going to cope better, I won't worry, I stop thinking I'm a failure, I'm not this "new person", I want to be the old me, I never had that accident. Its 10 months after my accident and I thought I was doing OK but I realise I'm not. Yes bad days get to me and I am OK with them but the days that are after each other make me down. I feel like I'm destroying lives when I don't want to because of my bad days... why am I like this, I hate the person I am now I want it to stop. I really want to be the old Lisa, not this new one who can't cope some days and make others upset or down. It's soul destroying at times.

[PurpleOverlord]

Hi Lisa, I'm right there with you. Right now I'm wishing I hadn't yelled/cried at my husband this morning for doing things I was planning to do. He's just trying to help, but unfortunately went about it the wrong way and upset me instead. So, sounds like we're in a similar place. It might help to remind yourself that you're not destroying lives at all. Sometimes you might upset someone who is trying to help. But that's all. Someone might have a bad day, but the next day they'll be fine. You are struggling through a horrible illness, and it's perfectly understandable that sometimes the ongoing bad days will be too much for you to cope with. Focus on yourself, what you need to heal. Don't worry or feel guilt about other people, they will be fine, and the reason they're trying to help is that they love you.

Your life now is about learning as you go - what works, what doesn't work, how much you can cope with, when you need to go out for a walk to listen to the birds and look at the trees. Looking back on where you rank next to the 'old you' is unfortunately pointless, just be who you are now and where you can, learn what works for you and where you need to adapt. Good luck! We're all right there beside you.

[Hidden in reply to PurpleOverlord]

Thank you for your reply. It just means a lot more when people who have gone through the same or understand how I am feeling can talk to me. Not that other people can't talk to me it's just I feel they don't understand as it hasn't happened to them. Thank you though I you have helped me lots. 🙂

[LondonGee]

Lisa, it can sometimes feel like you’re not making progress, but usually you are and things can take time. One thing a doctor said to me was “you will return to normal, just a slightly different normal”. I was furious being told that, I wanted to be my old self, but after several years I learned to accept my limitations. Others around me no longer see the difference and would say I’m the same, but I know I’m not, and my husband has had to adapt to my limitations. Try to keep talking to those around you, get some external help or therapy if you can. You will come through, taking the good and the bad as lessons in life and hopefully you’ll learn to understand yourself and your needs and how to express them without the frustrations.

[Hidden in reply to LondonGee]

Thank you, I know its only been 10 months but on a good note I'm not the person I was 6/7 months ago. It means a lot for your reply as it all makes sense to me. Thank you. 😊

[paxo05]

Hi, don't we all wish. Oh if only we could wish it all away. I get the wishing we didn't upset the ones we love when they are only trying to help.

I think the last one is a catch 22. We know they are trying to help but in doing so the highlight what we can no longer do.

Things do get better. It mainly has to do with accepting who you now are and adapting your life to it. Easy as that NOT. It takes time and believe me 10 months is no time at all.

All the best ,

Pax

[1949liz]

hi I wish I had my old voice back but this won’t happen. I wish I had never married my husband, but I did it. I wish I could go on and on and on but it won’t change my situation or yours. When bad days happen, try to embrace them try to say to yourself even out loud tomorrow will be better than today. My therapist agrees with me, embracing my new voice, it’s difficult, but nobody can make it as it was, so I embrace it. Sounds easy, but it’s not it’s difficult. If it was easy, we would never have bad days. We would be living in a state of boredom.

And if you upset somebody apologise, then leave it to the person to accept it, if they choose not to, that’s their problem, not yours. So if you spend your days worrying Does it change the day or make the day longer? These are my thoughts and have a good day. God bless you love Liz🙏⭐️

[skydivesurvivor]

The old u is gone! Friends,family find it hard. They see the old y, expect can’t accept they’re gone?!! I think somewhere deep inside is a very determined character?!! Use it to hone the better parts of what’s left, explore y future. Yes it will be hard!! Talking to that trait, bolster them self pity is a useless emotion, bin it as y make a nicer person? We who are in the same position know we have to struggle to progress. Smile to ba aware of our progress. Silly little things that seem pointless to others who have no idea of our battle? A big cheesy grin to you!!! Y have to progress to inspire the rest of us!! Unseen/ unheard people who need some inspiration to encourage us to battle on?!!! Wherever our heaven? They wouldn’t let us in so we need to progress to spite their reluctance!! Please battle on!!! We need you!!!

[Hidden]

I know the old me is gone, its not others who can't accept that, its me. I hate the way I am being straight to the point where as the old me would just laugh about it and not really bother. This Lisa doesn't just laugh about it now, I take a lot personally. It hurts me the way I am now and not the joking Lisa who people could laugh with about everything all the time. I want, or need to be happy every day and stop getting down because of other peoples behaviour such as being lazy etc around me. Sorry if that is wrong.