stuck

[Dann2]

Finding things really hard and just have to write it down

i’m just in a no-man’s-land, with a ringing head and pains and numbness in the front of my brain. so alone living with this, can’t think straight or get clarity, feel like my mind is worsening, memory, cognition etc. I just sit on the sofa every evening watching tv, all by myself, wondering how i got like this and thinking im damaged and will never be able to socialise normally again or be with anybody again.

Everyone in my social circle knows i have problems, workmates don’t respect me or my ability anymore, and i do struggle with the work, very slow… worry about not being able to perform my role well enough.

i hate being alone. thoughts about what i wanted from life flash through my mind - having a beautiful wife, having kids, having a social life and sharing time with friends, achieving my ambitions, without having these brain problems. it’s a slow hell that i can’t get out of, because nothing can be done and i can’t seem to recover to any state of secure normality where life naturally progresses forwards. just STUCK here, still on my own as the years pass by.

i am genuinely worried about my mind and it getting worse. I tried getting referred to a neuro clinic in my town but my gp said it wasn’t suitable and is referring me to a pain clinic instead. I try and seek help, but it’s not worth the effort as nothing is ever achieved.

I want to lead a normal life (as you may have guessed!) but how am i supposed to meet anyone and explain to them about these horrible problems i have? how am i supposed to get into any loving relationship? The prospect of being alone in life suddenly seems more likely than not. I hate this, and i hate having to type messages into support forums. it’s all just so shit.

i feel stuck because i can’t lead a life but also don’t want to end it. so i guess i just continue living in a loveless lonely fog and try and distract myself as best as possible with meaningless activities and polite interactions. i know what i’m missing out on, and this is the most painful of things.

sorry for the self indulgent rant.

[Hi-Just-Me]

Hi let me tell you your defo not alone even though it feels like it. Can I ask if you have had an accident to feel this way? Your words are so similar to the way I feel too. I often have to remind myself ‘ dont overshare’ don’t come across as lonely & sad. It’s all a front really to try and feel normal. Do you have any hobbies, I found out since my coma I enjoy arts and crafts. Started up and instagram page & when you see all the lovely comments it really does give you a boost and think maybe I’m not totally hopeless. I would love nothing more than live a normal life. I see my self as unique now & yes I’m treated different too but if I can make someone laugh at least once a day I feel I’ve achieved something and that also gives u a boost as it shows you have a good sense of humor but then I end up apologizing if I said something that isn’t politically correct. It’s all a learning process & I’m here if u want to talk 😘

[Letsrock]

Hi Dann, sorry to hear.

Have you phoned Samaritans or headway and enable to get help socialising?

At least you are at work out of the house?

Please try as we all have had to try. Some of us are still stuck in the house and can't watch TV.

Push yourself, be determined to get your dreams as they can still happen.

Please call and enquire ti enable and headway for social classes to learn new skills and meet people, and who knows where your dreams will go 😀

Take care Dann xx

[Nafnaf87]

Good morning Dann

You know the drill - put that smile on and keep going because YOU ARE WORTH IT 🙂

I know it's hard work but give somebody earache, brain injury service, rehabilitation service, anybody in your local health service and any other government service you can think of. Find the e-mail address of your local MP, give them hell as well. Dann get on it, YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Best wishes

Michael

[WonderingWanda]

I am so new to all this that I feel unqualified to pass comment as I cannot imagine still feeling like I do now in decades time to come as you are. I am so sorry you feel so on your own.

I am sure the help is there, it sounds as if the GP has the wrong end of the stick if a Pain clinic referral is all they have suggested. Except if it is the pain that is your major problem of course. But it seems to be the psychological response to the symptoms that are driving you to deep despair?

From a psychological and spiritual perspective I am familiar with the concept that us humans make our personal situations worse by our reactions to the situation rather than the situation itself. It’s our resistance to where we are and what we are experiencing that causes us the most harm.

Understandably, you miss your old way of being and yearn for that “normalcy” but the truth is that after over 20 years this is never going to happen; no matter how much you want it, miss it and yearn for it. Acceptance is the hardest part. This is where some spiritual or psychological help should be sought.

The resistance to your current circumstances is causing you great distress and that distress is very real but know that it is your own resistance that is causing you the most harm now.

A good friend of mine who is now a decade on from her injury now has a completely different life to that which she thought she would have. Different country, different job and different lifestyle altogether.

The therapy that helped in her case was cognitive behavioural therapy and that was aimed at , not treating her symptoms, but at changing her reaction to her circumstances and changing her expectations.

She is now happy in her new “normal” and accepts the limitations and the differences from her current reality and her old one.

She knows she could never go back to how she had been, but is now so much happier at making new future plans that her new self can manage.

Is there anything at all that you do where you are able to forget the negative for a while?

Mine is outside in nature, walking or running and sitting by water looking at skies! I can almost forget my symptoms, until I think about them and I realise they are still there but diminished considerably. I am going to try and do more visualisation practices so I can get that feeling without having to always be outside!

For me watching TV is not helpful at all. I am lucky that I can listen to music though.

Without knowing you I realise I may be way off the mark so please ignore me if I have said stuff you already tried or know about. Just know that you are not alone and it’s so important to carry on reaching out.

[V8Lurcher]

Hi Dann, sorry your going through this.I pretty much cut out off any unnecessary human contact shortly after my accident as I didn't want to be an embarrassment or a burden to anyone.

I still have my partner who I live with, dog and close family but I kind of wish I had stayed in contact with some of my friends as it does get repetitive and lonely at times.

I would suggest contacting IAPT (I did an online referral) as although I personally didn't get much out of the therapy, it was nice to just chat to someone for a bit about everything every week.

All the best

Pete.

[Letsrock]

Hi Dann, I was also referred by my GP to the pain clinic. I let him talk them and gave him he'll telling them it was a brain injury calling him names, lol. I have been treated as if nothing is wrong, so you ate nit alone. I then went gir mental health assessment, and the sane happened again. Then I wS I would get a phyriatric that has never come forward from June. Then the neurologist has decided to call it functional neurological disorder lol. You are supposed to get treatment for that as well, but I have nothing now.

This made me very angry and I turned this anger into determination by firstly getting rid of the brain fog by researching it and trying all these exercises then with a physio who made me relive the injury and reduced my medication so am starting to get my health better. Retrain your brain. Neurophysio.

You have to give them what for and have some socialising like at your work. Make them talk to you. Call all yhe services and headway, enable and nhs 111 mental health.

You have too Dann, please do urgently.

[Writeronstack]

It is hard, Dann. No you are not alone. Fatigue is so hard to explain. It looks like laziness to the people who have not been this variety of fatigued.. even doctors don't know it. Talk to headway please. Delegate this "getting back into social interaction" problem to them. This is what they do well.

Watching TV? I'm just about getting there.

Let us know what you did. And I would offer just one tip. I started by making a list of everything I did, including cleaning my teeth. Then I added the little bits of cleaning I did. I sent postcards saying practically nothing to friends, so I got a bit of post back. And put that on the list.

And on days when I thought I was getting nowhere, I looked at the list.

IAPTS sounds like a really good idea. Do get in touch with them.