Help after TBI and Craniotomy

[Lisamarsh]

Desperately seeking advice as believe my son is on the verge of a breakdown.

He sustained severe TBI in December 2018, and had craniotomy in March 2019. Was in Kings College Hospital in London for 3 months then went home to wife and 3 year old daughter. Attended 2 rehab programs at Wolfson Unit as an outpatient and then returned to full time work that September.

Since then has been thru acrimonious divorce and child custody proceedings, been declared bankrupt and has lost 3 jobs since 2019 due to lack of interest/work ethic. He had social blunting and very little patience which is hampering his career.

Drinks to excess (and can become violent and aggressive, smokes excessively and partakes in smoking copious amounts of weed every day. Is a virtual recluse and has cut all ties with life long friends. Doesn’t talk very much even when in the company of close family. Has no interest or compassion for anything or anyone. Excessively overweight (20 stone now) as comfort eats constantly. Not the same person that he was before the accident. Acts impulsively and puts himself in dangerous situations - got drunk and beaten up last week!

Please can anyone tell me who I should look to for help - I’m worried sick that he is either going to kill himself or someone else.

He is not under the care of either Kings College or Wolfson and had not had any aftercare since being discharged in 2019.

[Shreds]

If you can get him to talk to the Headway helpline that will be a start.

They are good listeners and from what you say he has experienced a number of significant life changing events so do try and get him to open up his thoughts about it all.

Personally I dont have huge faith in some talking therapies but everyone is different and bottling things up just makes everything worse.

He needs to find a purpose or some outside interest he enjoys. Music, exercise, or whatever he chooses to get away from the negative thoughts.

Hoping you can assist but do keep strong yourself - he may need someone close to confide in and that is where you can make a difference. Outside agencies and medics may be too slow or dont understand the issues in detail.

[Lisamarsh in reply to Shreds]

Thank you very much for your reply Shreds

[Dann2]

i’m sorry you and your son are going through this. Must be so difficult for you to witness, and also for him to lose his former self and be living with the effects of his injury.

You mentioned he has lifelong friends - are any of them strong enough to stick by him and be compassionate, despite his changes in personality? Your son must be feeling very angry and alone with his injury., and probably very scared of the future.

[Lisamarsh in reply to Dann2]

Thank you very much for your reply Dann2

[cat3]

I find your predicament heart-breaking Lisa. Mums will always worry about sons, especially once independence takes over. But what you're dealing with is off the scale, and my heart goes out to you ..truly.

I tried to paste a link to an NHS site offering help for urgent crisis situations but it wouldn't work. But if you Google 'Mental Health Crisis Hotline' and choose the NHS site labelled 'Where To Get Urgent Help For Mental health' there are quite a few options.

Of course the Headway helpline is available on freephone 0808 800 244 with knowledgeable and sensitive staff who you can talk to in confidence.

I hope these might give you some pointers for where you can find support and practical help for your son.

Sincere best wishes, Cat x

[Lisamarsh in reply to cat3]

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words Cat x

[Dogsabighelp]

wow,its a lot isnt it?I think even with those closest hard for someone with b/i to try to explain whats going on with them.lets be honest here,they probably dont understand themselves.ive gone through times with my lad when he has blamed me for his situation,posting on facebook that it was my fault etc.there comes a time i think(ive seen it with other people,not myself yet,too stubborn!)when we have to come to terms with the "new person"...In your situation however thinking you are going to have to seek extra help.try headway first,really helpful and will be able to point you in right direction.also dont forget,we are also here L,a lot will know about what you are dealing with.my love to you,keep posting we are listeningxx

[Lisamarsh in reply to Dogsabighelp]

Thank you so much for your reply x