well its saturday...

[Dogsabighelp]

over last three weeks sean has really upped his game.really bad facebook posts regarding staff with allegations,reffering himself to a prisoner etc.and much worse..the private msgs are the worst ever,him saying my fault he is where he is,refusing to have visits etc.interesting though that for someone with no "mental capacity"he has never said this on facebook?always private.i have always kept his situation within as he would prefer.i went to visit y/day explained the impact of his allegations and told him that sooner or later someone will respond(i already had convo with ass manager)i told him that the place he lives in has nothing to do with n.h.s a private care facility and as such for sure was my fault that the team at james cook kept him alive.i explained about lockdown due to covid(he thinks chinese are to blame,could be valid point)i had said that without the help he got from these people he would not be alive.i told him that i go to bed and think about the horrible things he has said,told him had it been me this had happened to no way he could have coped and thats the truth.i was a bit emotional,he hates to see me cry(thats when he knows theres a situation)i cut his nails,feet and hands,cos apperantly no one does this...i get home 4 hours later...

[cat3]

Oh my god D ; what's going on. I've never heard of such negative behaviour from Sean ! I get how horribly frustrating things must feel for him at times and how that frustration can lead to lashing out, but to target you as a contributor to his predicament is shocking ....but not unusual in brain injury.

What I'm seeing are your ongoing efforts to prepare the house in the hope of home visits after spending the past two years fighting every step of the way in Sean's best interests.

It would be interesting to know how the staff are dealing with this negative behaviour and whether they're sufficiently trained in recognising certain traits in brain injured survivors. I know several people here on Headway have struggles with difficult, even offensive/aggressive traits in loved ones and it's clearly mentioned in official publications as a common symptom.

Could it be that Sean's brain is becoming more tuned in to his issues & surroundings and he's struggling with extra cognitive input and awareness ? Questions questions...

I just hope you can see this for what it is, but I know I'd be devastated if it were me. You and Sean are close and loving mum and son and this neurological blip is, hopefully, a temporary rift.

Is there a neuropsychologist/psychiatrist available to the home to talk with Sean ? He might respond positively to experts in mood and attitude.

I'll PM you soon D. I know you'll be fighting your sorrows but I'm thinking of you and I'll be checking up to see how you're doing.... Love always, Cat Xx

[Leaf100]

Oh geez Dbh, that's a lot to deal with. Cat3 has it on the money.

I hope the doc can tell you if this is likely a passing phase or not.

It's hard to deal with, even if you know the reasons.

Big giant hug to you and the puppers.

Leaf x

[Skallagrigg]

We had the same problem, our answer was to take ipad and phone off him, the Internet seemed to bring out the worst in him, he still made accusations and was awful verbally at times but it has calmed down in the last 2 months, staff say its normal for brain injury of his type but putting it on Internet only gave me more phonecalls,from family who had never visited him, being "concerned", he seemed to get worse every time somebody new started living in the rehab, I wonder if its his way of being scared of who/what they will do/be.i don't know I think alsortsEvery insult you just listed he did too, it's a long road isn't it?

[ksws]

Thinking of you xx 💐

[Teazymaid]

my heart goes out to you .. I can’t imagine how terrible all of this is for you .. please keep it to the forefront of your mind that this is the head injuries .. I was horrendous and still can be at times .. I can only describe it as my filter button disappeared . What ever I thought just came out my mouth and I didn’t care 😢…. This wasn’t like the old me at all .. I hated the new me and I didn’t hide it … I still loved my husband and hopefully in time your son will improve .. but remember in all this he still loves you and not the words that come out his mouth . Sue x

[CanisLupus]

I’ve been there my daughter went through a very similar phase, anger, millions of horrid text messages and accusing her dad of all sorts of horrid things, she even called the police on her dad, but they understood. (He is a police officer so they knew him and what we had/were going through) . Doesn’t make it any easier but it will pass. You are a hero - A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. Xx

[Bradbike]

hi, firstly big hug. I’m also a mum with a son of tbi.

We’ve been through this too. He unfortunately got stuck in the rehabilitation centre due to lockdown. He was initially supposed to be there for a month of intensive therapy. He said such horrible things about home life that his social worker called and announced that she’d given him his capacity back, given him his bank account cards and full access( all his savings gone in a few days on anything he found on the internet. He’d ask why this and that was turning up for him after) She also arranged for him to move out of our home to a flat with carers due to the alleged abuse.

A year later with him in hospital, docs deciding what to do with him- cocaine habit ( flat was cookoo’d, police court action, debts everywhere, carers company saying they weren’t prepared to go to him as there were violent outbursts, strangers stealing his stuff . Just the worst time of our lives. I was fortunate finally that his Sw left and the new appointee listened to my plea’s finally. I begged for help from everywhere to no avail before.

These people should listen to mums/families and realise that it seems tbi patients go through this phase and save others the heartache many of us suffer.

My lad has come out through the other side thankfully. In fact we are planning his wedding!

I wish you luck and strength on your journey xx

[Alibongo60]

hi D, you know it’s that same old saying you always hurt the ones you love, because you know they will always be there for you regardless of what you throw at them, Sean sounds very frustrated and he’s lashing out, give him time for the things to sink in what you’ve told him and he will realise. In the meantime I’m sending you a big hug, and keep your chin up and on a lighter note I hope united thrash Newcastle this afternoon, or I’ll be mopping the tears up with my Yorkshire pudding, take care my friend love Alice xx