Anxiety - a daughter’s perspective

[sunshineandwine93]

Just reaching out to anyone who might be able to advise me on coping with looking after a parent after their discharge from Hospital.

My Dad had a major stroke, and was released from our local hospital after 3 days. Next morning blue lighted back to A&E in agony with a headache, to find his brain was swelling and fluid building. He was then transferred to Addenbrooke’s for emergency surgery to release pressure and drain fluid. 3 weeks at Addenbrooke’s and now he’s home.

My mum and I are taking it in turns to be here at home with him (I am working from home on the days I am with him). I’m finding it REALLY hard to see him in pain with more headaches. He has seen GP.

I am waking up with anxiety because I’m worried about him, and it doesn’t go away. I’m also taking on all of their financial side of life and trying to arrange benefits (he is self employed, and my mum has to go to work, as do I, to ensure money is coming in).

I never thought I would be in this position, and I know I just have to endure it, but the anxiety is really eating me up.

Anyone been through something similar or advice? Generally I’m very switched on with my mental health and good at not neglecting it.

thank you ❤️

[Pairofboots]

Hi sunshine, it's good that you are switched on about your mental health. Unfortunately you are not alone in having to deal with this. These are early days for your father and yourself. Reach out to Headway, their contact details are pinned to this page. They can help you through this, and signpost you to services. It is a good starting point to begin with. Also you have found this forum, ask anything, big or small, there is a wealth of lived experience here from survivers and carers. 🍀

[skydivesurvivor]

have a tbi, spent 5 weeks in adambrooks myself. From my parents side it was certainly a trying time! Get in contact with citizens advice for support, they put me on benefits and bits. Had no idea how or where to go for help. He should be entitled to social service support too, hope this help. With your anxiety, SMILE to spite the stress your going through!!! Good luck

[cat3]

Hi Sunshine. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. But, from your bio, it seems your dad's stroke and complications were very recent (3 &1/2 weeks ?) so it seems you're right there at the deep end of his difficulties.

I was in la-la land for the first month and too poorly for discharge until the 3 month point & cannot imagine how my family would've coped had I returned home before then. So there's plenty of scope for your dad's improvement from here on.

Can you tell us how your dad is coping at present, e.g. is he able to communicate/walk/bathe & eat, and how is he emotionally ?

Cat x

[ABIfamily]

Hi. I am sorry to hear about your dad. The anxiety and worry about the future, especially initially, are horrendous. Professionals are also wary to prognosticate or provide reassurance. If your dad has a shunt but persistent headaches, maybe contact the neurosurgical nurse specialists to check if any reviews are needed? In terms of looking after yourself, try to take one day at a time and see where you can ask others to help you eg at work, friends to stay with your dad when you and your mom have to work, check gov.uk/benefits-calculators or Citizens Advice for help with finances.

Hope things settle down soon, and thinking of you and your family x

[Butterfly28]

Hi Sunshine - I have been /am in a similar position having cared for mother with dementia and now sister with brain injury. I’m all too familiar with that feeling of anxiety that won’t go away and eats into you.

As others have said it’s very early days and as your father improves and finds way of coping hopefully you’ll find your anxiety recedes into the background. Where you can find people who can help - for benefit claims try citizens advice or Age UK. It’s not that you’re not capable of doing it but it shifts some of the responsibility from you. These things can introduce a whole new layer of frustration and stress.

Do talk to Headway as they can signpost you to local services which might be of help and will understand your father’s situation.

Try to smile/laugh and to make your father smile. It’s good for you and him.

Do keep posting on here and let us know how it’s going.

[Leaf100]

Hi sunshine

Square breathing -

Breathe in slowly to a slow steady count if 4

Hold for 4

Breathe out for 4

Hold for 4

Do this for several cycles

It may help a lot when anxious feelings hit.

So can writing a to do list- then when you wake at night you can remind yourself ' hey, mind, it's all on the list and now is time to sleep. Be kind to the body and let it rest, so please process things that let us sleep' I know that sounds oversimplified or strange ...oddly I find it helps. What that little voice that lives in our heads says has an impact on us - yup, that one that just said 'what little voice?' We can thank it fir looking out for us and we don't have to believe everything it says, or that it always had to run the show. It is capable of being kind to us too.

Have a very soft fuzzy blanket if you don't already.

There are lots of simple things put there that actually do help.

Tapping is another.

Headway will have some too.

One moment at a time.

Big virtual h ug to you

Leaf