Covid isolation and lack of social development.

[Trevor78]

No it's not a Covid, the virus, post, it's about the mental & emotional health effects of the last few years for the general population and the possible analogy to some of us who've had a TBI.

Although I've left work this year (after 40 years of just putting in the time) I did work at home from 2020-2022 & did little else apart from eat, sleep & get an online shopping delivery, with minimal other social contact. When I spoke with my manager about my position and the restrictions and mental effects on society generally during that period, I used to say, welcome to my world, that's how I feel most days.

Added to that, I just heard a radio presenter talking to a student about missing out on student/university life & social development etc due having to study online in 2020. The presenter said, or something like, that missing out on that development period is socially and emotionally damaging both at that point in life and long term (she may not have said all of that but that's my reading of it).

That last bit particularly hit home because I suffered my brain injury in my late teens in the 70s & physically went back to scratch as the new me that could do little of what I enjoyed before. I spent the next decade (should have been out enjoying the music & culture of the 80s) trying to get in to work of some sort, which I eventually did thankfully. The point of the rant being that I wish those around me had realised that all is not well & I needed tougher pushing/support at that time and for potentially the rest of my life. I possibly may not then have ended up in such a depressing place (in some ways) that I now find myself? Yes I'm on a bit of a downer at the moment & can't see the upside going forward.

A bit garbled but hopefully makes sense to someone who might relate to that in some way 🙂

[Leaf100]

hI Trevor78

as someone who has been isolated because of bi stuff since 08, I have a bit of a clue what you mean, even though you have more experience living with the bi.

people are generally quite happy to go about their lives and leave the bi person out . It doesn't effect them and do they don't get it . It is human nature not to understand something you haven't experienced so others rdidn't get it any more than yoy did, or I did, at the time.

I can't work so basically at home alone for years.

the bi has a lot of consequences and as we become aware of them we keep taking another hit, have to make another peace with it, and another adjustment...and another greiving period.

My social connection actually improved when my ill elderly parent came to live with me, and will go back to pretty close to zero once the inevitable hits.

I have no confidence in my ability to engage in much that is social nor can I really see making new acquaintances due to ongoing symptoms.

I also find I have less tolerance for shenanigans from people.

I am trying to adjust to not getting the world. it has changed a lot.

about all a person can do is find something they enjoy - even of a breathe of fresh air or a photo of something you enjoy on the internet, or the joy of clean socks, a new toothbrush.

beyond that I haven't got.

big virtual hug to you

Leaf

[Trevor78 in reply to Leaf100]

Hi L100 - "A second hit" - interesting point, I think that I blotted out much of that with alcohol. If ever I was down I'd have a beer (didn't need much a 2 pints will put me to sleep) and that would take away those problems but solve nothing. I stopped drinking 10 years ago after a bad stomach (never touch alcohol now) and I think that I've been, and am now, in that 2nd phase without the contacts & support that I had previously. I think that as the years go by then everyone's tolerance declines to some extent but in our situation it's not unreasonable to be a little more demanding. Find something new and of interest. That's good advice and is what I'm doing. I'm not doing anything major but small, seemingly insignificant things can be very rewarding 🙂

[Pairofboots]

Hi Trevor, I think I get most of what you express. Life after bi does limit what you can experience. Leaf is right, norms don't get it. Before bi we don't worry about just going to a gig, or dating, there is a natural flow. After there are so many considerations before we even contemplate doing almost anything.

Work generally gives life punctuation. Even if you aren't a social butterfly, you are forced to interact with the world, you have to adhere to social norms. When we don't have work, then we loose that final link, and structure is gone.

I hope that you can find the upside again

[Trevor78 in reply to Pairofboots]

Sounds about right PoB. Having just left the workforce and losing that link and structure it's really difficult to adjust & seeing any way forward/future is already a real challenge. Many will say (especially able bodied and/or uninjured) why don't you do something else (possibly voluntary), but that's the whole problem. I lost the part of me that saw such new things as an exciting challenge. After initially managing reasonably well in the early years following tbi, overtime everything mentally became a pseudo trip to the dentist unless it's a familiar situation/surroundings or if someone else was taking the lead. Anyway it's early days, I hope I find that upside while still relatively well considering all that's gone before.

[Leaf100 in reply to Trevor78]

Pseudo trip to the dentist ... good one !

[Hidden]

Hi Trevor, I do understand. To me, Shielding didn’t really impact, as that was pretty much my ‘normal’ anyway. Apart from the ‘fear of imminent death’ thing before my first vaccine 😂. I saw it as a nice break from the world, but did benefit from food and meds deliveries, which I have kept.

There needs to be a lot more awareness of illness/ disability; hopefully Covid will have raised awareness in some… I too was very poorly in my 20s. Being young and ill didn’t seem to be ‘allowed’, and my peers were incredibly ignorant.

I feel that I too have missed out on great swathes of life, which still impact me now. What was really useful was that I had a year of one to one counselling just before Covid to sort through some of that (I’m 54). I would recommend; but make sure you work with someone who ‘gets’ it.

[Trevor78]

Hi CL - I also saw Covid as a break for similar reasons. On the counselling front, my eye consultant was the one who got me to Addenbrookes' rehabilitation centre but that was 2 years after my RTA. There was a clinical psychologist on site who I saw when there, and for a while afterwards, but it didn't really work and there wasn't any follow up. Back in the hands of my GP (in the days when you could easily see one, and usually always your named GP) I did see a couple of local psychologists and neither particularly helped, although the first did leave his post after one appointment so he didn't get a fair crack of the whip. I'm my own worst enemy though as I'll tell as much as I want to stay in control of the discussion so that I'm not pushed in to places that I didn't want to go or be asked to do things that made me uncomfortable. That's not really the idea is it? So you're right in the importance of someone who gets it. 👍

[Leaf100 in reply to Trevor78]

You definitely need to find the right person.You also need to know where their loyalty lies.

I am saying that because I found some professionals seem to be more on the side of helping insurance Co's pay less, some have this idea that they have some treatment that will fix you if only you go long enough... - and you may find someone who actually has experience with bi and accepts the quirks as they are.

Ask around if you can and test their attitude by asking questions and/or with something small. Another one is mistaking tremors for fear or anxiety.

Unfortunately there is still thus idea out there that a brain injury isn't real unless it is gross physical damage - it is all psychological, or mostly psychological. Somehow that seems more logical to them than the idea that a damaged structure doesn't work the way it did before. Go figure.

Having said that maybe there are ones out there that can help with the psychological impacts of the situation, because certainly there are some - or help you explore coping strategies for the deficits.

I doubt seeing someone who doesn't understand bi would be helpful, they would have expectations that could never be met.

(I have run into that even with professionals who do get bi - I have strong intermittent tremors and sometimes body parts stop working if there is too much stimulation or too much repetition - so for example a physiotherapist telling me to go to a public gym sounds like great idea, but not one I could even attempt in the real world. I wouldn't get much past the door.)

We always have to manage not only our expectations, circumstances, and reactions - but those of others about us - which gets really draining.

[Hidden in reply to Trevor78]

You’re totally allowed to do things at your pace. Manageable chunks is you looking after yourself. I had many starts and stops before finally getting ‘there’; wherever ‘there’ is. I have seen many people over the years; some great/ some appalling. Small steps is fine…

[Trevor78]

All sounds quite logical. I'm a bit long in the tooth now and don't really want to go there again. It was right to attempt it years ago when working and still at what I thought was my recovery phase, but I'm really at a different time and place where I've pretty much plateaued. I just please myself what I do, and for all of the reasons stated, that's not much at the moment. I'll just see where that takes me? Keep as well as you can yourself 😊