I am feeling very sorry for myself, but I know I am being very silly. I have no right to feel sorry for myself: I received my TBI in 2005, and I am lucky that I have recovered well. I am officially registered as blind, but in fact I can manage fine with most things (I can see fine to the left, although the right is just a blur). My coordination is poor and my handwriting is barely legible, but I can use a computer with no problems.
After 18 months on sick-leave I went back to my job as a university lecturer, and that lasted for 10 years, but then the department closed down and I was made redundant. I worked in administration, but my two recent jobs both said I was not good enough, and I did not pass my probation. So I feel a bit of a failure! My memory is bad, and I tend to be too disorganised.
The latest job finished at the end of February. Since then I have had six interviews, but they all of them said no.
I am just feeling really down. I used to be a university lecturer, I published scientific papers and I gave talks at international conferences. And now I can’t get a job. I am not sure if that is due to my TBI, or if it is just because I am useless!
So, I am very lucky – I survived that accident and recovered well, I have a lovely husband and lovely teenage daughters. But I have such a low opinion of myself, mainly because the people at these job interviews clearly have such a low opinion of me.
I am sorry, I just felt that I needed to have a ‘sorry for myself’ moan!
Flumptious
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Flumptious
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Hi Flumptious, glad to hear from you again but so sorry you are down.Don’t be so hard on yourself your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel down.
You did not deserve this and you have fought back so well.
It is criminal that society finds it so hard to accept that if a person does not quite fit “the norm” then it is not acceptable.
My son who is on the AS and has adult ADHD, we only discovered this in his last year a uni , he has his degree and is clearly very bright but can not find a job.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and right this society of ours but until then I can only provide my shoulders to help bear the heartache.
No apology needed Flumpy. Brain injury robs us of so many aspects of life, and for hard working high achievers like yourself the loss of a fulfilling career is heartbreaking.
I might have mentioned before how a complete change of direction might be an option for you. Voluntary work offers posts for people of all levels of skill & ability which can be really rewarding.
Try this ; it might lead to something interesting:-
Don't have a low opinion of yourself Flumptious, you are obviously highly intelligent. Job interviews are horrid things as a rule, and completely random in practice I find. All sorts of bias comes into play, and by the time you get to be interview it is more about how people see you fitting into their set up. It's not you, it's them! I know it's jolly disheartening going through the whole process even without a brain injury. Eventually you will find the right place for you. You've been pretty amazing even to work. I've been doing a couple of hours of voluntary admin a week, and now I'm past the headache stage, I just fall asleep all afternoon I feel for you, I too used to have a pretty decent job. Any idea what the actual reasons for not keeping you past probation were? I know I forget more and am much slower now.
I know it is easy to feel down when you have been through so much and are then being treated unfairly in work. If there is no support for disability equality within the organisation maybe would you think of going self employed? After my TBI I battled with jobs for years and finally took the plunge and opened my own business which has gone from strength to strength. As a lecturer, I am sure you could tutor from home and use your skills and empathy to help your students. You could also use your personal experience to help any students who were struggling either with a disability or with stress. I found using my experiences of the results of my TBI turned them into strengths as I had an empathy and understanding that other therapists didn't have.
Good luck and be brave, you have been through a lot, you can do this.
Personally I find you an absolute inspiration, words I write with a mix of genuine truth and caution as it's the one thing I'm tired of people saying I am. I'm trying to return to the classroom after a stroke last September left me needing to learn to walk again and with a really short concentration span and temper. Know that you are not alone and have the support of us all in everything that you do. Without the likes of you being so very strong I wouldn't know that getting my life back was even possible.
There is never a need to apologise here. We all get in a rut at times. Life does seem to have a titter at us. You are articulate in the way you write. Being analytical can be useful, but we can be hard on ourselves. You are not useless, and I am sure that you will be successful in looking for a job in time. Early days, is a phrase you like many of us know too well. You left your last job in February, so this is early days for looking for a new one, and you are not letting the grass grow if you have already had six interviews. Make sure that you are aiming at the right jobs for you, quality over quantity. Best wishes 🍀
wow,that really is hard to hear f.clearly overcame so much,yet feel isolated?with so much to offer too...i cant imagine,so sorry.keep in touch here we support you alwaysxx
Flumptious I feel your pain. It was after losing my job (and any future prospects within my field) post TBI that I realised just how much of our identity is wrapped in what we do for a living and if/when we can't do it any longer (for whatever reason) it is a serious jolt to the system.
If you can't do what you did before, is there something else that you are interested in that you maybe take a sideways step into? So many of our skills are transferable abd having survived a BI, we are most definitely adaptable.😄
Have you considered volunteering while you are searching? I volunteered at our local Hospice and I must admit it was a HUGE confidence booster. It was so good to be doing something useful and having some kind of structure, even for that one day each week, but it was the fact that my contribution was appreciated and valued that gave me the biggest boost.
Yes you are lucky that you survived and recovered, that you have a great husband and family but you are entitled to have something for you too and hopefully soon a prospective employer will realise the prize they have sitting before them.
hi flumptious. it sounds like you've had a hard time too, probbly like most of us on here but don't give up and keep chasing the sunshine, cus we can finf our way out of the shadows if we stay positive and support each other. Ihad a brain haemorage 3 years ago and lost the first year with my second baby and my job as a solicitor, a partner in a law firm. but it's not all doom and gloom. i have a lovely husband and two beautiful children. i am also an (unpublished) )author so now i i have the time, i'm trying to get published and am trying to create a new career for myself as an author. i am also now writing my second novel (though i'm still trying to get my first published. So please stay positive and let's help each other get through this!
Hiya - I had my SAH in 2005. For many years I dismissed the severity and 'just got on with it' like we do. A couple of years back I had a reverse 'Eureka' moment and my years getting on with it hit me - I realised just how much the injury had affected me and how serious it was. Last year I was diagnosed with late onset Epilepsy, this sent me down a path of doom! I have struggled for the last year, very up and down. Feel free to have a moan - we should occasionally TBH, if we bottle up our down days they overcome us. I think everyone on here will agree that you and all of us have 'sorry for myself' days and we are all here to listen and support each other. Not sure I put my point across that well! Hopefully it sort of made sense
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It's been 15 years. I'm looking for direction.
I'm new and I feel like an impostor
