Partner has brain injury

[claire63314]

I'm living with someone who suffered brain injury from car accident. I'm struggling with the loneliness and feeling of being in over my head. Am looking for help and advice from other people who Partners also have brain injury to keep my relationship, rather than walk away 😥

[guitarlady]

Hi Claire, I thought I'd reply as I'm in a similar place to you but it's my friend who has the brain injury. He is 70 now but collapse into the road outside his flat in April 2019. He spent 2 weeks in ICU in Southmead, Bristol then another 2 weeks in our local hospital.

He was diagnosed with a tramatic brain injury, he lost most of his hearing in one in due to inner ear concusion. His speech and movement was quite good though.

We had some help from the team who were involved in him coming home and had a shower seat, a walking frame and a walker so that was useful. His memory is very bad though and he does get frustrated at not being able to do what he used to and we've had lots of arguments as he does get ratty when he's tired and says things to me which I don't like. He knows he's said them but said he doesn't know why. So that's taken me a long time to get used to and even know it's hard and I do tell him off.

We've contacted his doctor recently and he had upped his anti depressant tablet a bit where I wanted him to get referred back to the memory clinic so they can see him face to face how he struggles with things so I may have to push for that. I understand with the current climate with covid 19 it might be difficult.

I did contact Headway when he came out but the day care was a long way to go and he couldn't travel himself so we didn't go to that. They have a Helpline though which has been mentioned by lots of people on here and people have said they're very good and as used to helping people like yourself and partner so you could ring them to have a chat. I've learnt so much from this site, when I was really low and thinking no one else was around to talk too so keep posting here, there's always someone who will get back who is experiencing similar things to you.

I also applied online for Attendance Allowance for my friend and Carer's Allowance for myself. You have to have the injury after 6 months and can apply on the Government website. There are different things which are applicable to them but you can read them yourself. My friend uses his to pay for a carer to come and help take him out and clean his flat and do some shopping just to have a change from me all the time.

Recently after speaking to my friends doctor he gave him a telephone number to contact re getting some counselling. We rang them and I think they can do it over the phone and by sending out questionaires in the post or by e-mail so we'll see how that goes. Haven't had anything yet but it was only a week ago.

Good luck with things, I think it's a very difficult time for you and I hope this may help a bit. Please feel free to ask me if there's any other advice I might be able to give. Also, don't forget to look after yourself which is very hard at times when you spend a lot of time looking after your partner. Brenda.

[sospan]

Hi Clare

I am the odd position of expereincing it from both sides. Firstly I had my injury in 2012, spent 7 years literally getting back on my feet. Then in 2019 my wife and I were in a crash, then my wife had 2 more. The last one totalled 5 concussions in the last 3 years.

What you are feeling is sadly very, very common. The post incident information from the NHS is really poor. If you are lucky, you may get a piece of paper to watch out for symptoms in the first 48 hours after injury.

What the won't tell you is anything about rehabiliation, the mood swings, arguements, odd behaviouy, memory loss, feeling that you are now in a relationship with a complete stranger !

My wife and I have been together since we were teenagers, 44 years later we are still together, on times it is really difficult.

Is there something specific some support would be helpful with ?

[FlowerPower62]

Dear Claire, please don't give up on him yet. My husband had a TBI in January last year, couldn't walk or talk. Now, although he's not the same, and probably never will be, we have a life. There are loads of things we can still do together, and I count bus very lucky. It's early days, give it time. X

[Sal_T]

Hi Claire, I'm also in a similar position to you. My partner had a traumatic brain injury in December last year. It's been about 8 months since he's been back home and I still struggle to come to terms with the change in our lives, but it's getting easier.

As for loneliness, I have also found this particularly tough because we aren't getting much support from his family or friends. Covid hasn't helped either! I would say draw on your friends and family as much as possible and try to take time out for yourself on a regular basis, it will be absolutely essential to take care of yourself if you want to be there for him and work through this.

Are there any Carer's charities near you? I would recommend Carer's Support to help with that feeling of overwhelm and loneliness. They have all sorts of ways they can help with supporting you. You just need to find the equivalent branch/ charity for your region.

Maybe it's important to remember that you always have a choice about whether you stay with your partner or not. Being a sole carer for someone can make it feel like you don't get to choose anymore, but it's important you value your life as well as your partner's.

I hope things start getting easier soon,

Sally x

[Limpots78]

Clare - I’ve got a brain injury and me and my girlfriend have gone to hell n back. I understand totally were your coming from. I’ve seen the tears watching her struggle look after my everyday things as well as well hers. I’m proud that with her support I managed to get to the point were I can support myself and she has told me how she couldn’t cope, I told her to walk away for the sake of her health. I’m lucky in a she was by my side for the two years it took me to adjust have TBI. Headway is excellent and always on hand to help you all the way. Hope this helps