Brainstem cavanoma 5 years ago

[worried56]

I help care for my 50 year old brother. He has a severe tremor, speech difficulties, sight in only one eye and cannot walk unaided due to 2 major ops for a cavanoma on his brain stem, and is very depressed at the moment He thinks he is about to die and that is all he thinks and talks about, especially because of the current Covid 19 situation. He was told by doctors last october that he had about 3 months to live but he is still here! so we don't know what to think. They couldn't remove all of the cavanoma so he thinks that it is still bleeding and this is why he thinks the end is near. He could have another MRI to see what is going on but he doesn't want to as he thinks he will die on the journey there. i don't know what to say to him when he keeps saying he is dying. he refused to take any anti depressants as he says he takes enough tablets as it is. He is separated from his wife because of his condition, lives alone in a warden controlled flat and has carers 4 times a day. He doesnt see much of his two children so his life is pretty grim. How can I help him??

[Kirk5w7]

He needs help in finding a pastime that will help lift his mood.

I know most pastimes need sight to facilitate them, can he see reasonably well at the moment or does he have trouble with depth and spatial awareness.

I found painting by numbers helped immensely in my rehab, it can fill so much time as does jigsaw puzzles. Both of these can be accessed for varying abilities.

I also listen to audiobooks as reading can present me with some difficulty.

It is a shame he will not take antidepressants as it is only one more tablet a day and could make all the difference.

My BI left me with some peripheral vision impairment and appalling night vision. I need good bright light to see well.

I do hope you are able to lift his spirits.

Good luck

Janet x

[AndrewT]

Dear worried56,

First of all, and intending NO condescension, You Poor Old 'Pops'! Clearly your, obviously Very Dear, Brother is in an extremely 'dark' place- for rather 'understandable' reasons.

It is difficult, to advise, you- especially at the moment. Ordinarily I would have advised, spending 'time' with him, maybe going 'out'.... a Garden Centre, or Pub Meal. Perhaps seeing, if you could rent, a suitable Mobility Aid- a 'Scooter', for example.

Do you Drive? If so, and assuming that you can 'Somehow' get him into the car, maybe a 'Poodle' through the Countryside. The birds, flowers, river/ lake, a 'flask' at a beauty spot? Maybe even a 'ice cream'... and Damn the 'mess' it makes!

Other than this, perhaps a favourite film, maybe a lovely 'Musical'- there are so many, or an 'old fashioned' comedy.... one of the St Trinian's films?

Maybe, and assuming the he doesn't think it's 'too babyish', you could read to- or better- WITH him. (Maybe NOT The classics... I don't think Great Expectations, or Frankenstein, would 'cut' it.... though maybe Pride and Prejudice?) Clearly YOU know him best, so really, I can only Suggest 'Ideas' for your consideration.

Another Thought... If, and again this might be Tricky at the moment, but if you can 'talk' to his Doctors/ Consultants, it might be possible the change/ alter his Medication. For two reasons really... One- his 'mood' could be Drug related and Two- maybe, if a Doctor suggested it, your Brother might take an Anti-depressant.

Sometimes the 'order', in which Medication, is Taken can alter it's Effects- or Side Effects! I, for example, have to take Tacrolimus- one of my 'immune- suppressant' drugs- an hour Before I eat. I take the 'rest' after I have eaten. Some people 'split' the dose, throughout the day, others- like me- take 'everything' all at once. It's just, a question, of finding the correct 'Balance', for the individual.

Lastly I am sending, you both, my 'Love' and Prayers.. Do you have a Faith, if so, in a Quiet Time maybe offer a Prayer- perhaps together?

Sending my very best wishes

AndrewT

[cat3]

So sorry to hear about your brother's struggle with depression. It isn't surprising that he's given up on life after such a damning prognosis ; so persuading him to deal with his depression will be an uphill struggle whilst he's completely overwhelmed by hopelessness.

Have you considered phoning the Samaritans or MIND, or even his GP, to counsel him sensitively into getting help. A trained official can often bring about results which loved ones can't. Hopefully a figure of authority could convince your brother to accept antidepressant medication which could provide some respite from obsessive thoughts, and a release from the dark place his mind is presently inhabiting.

What a dreadful bind you're in m'love. Please get support in reaching through to your brother ; it's too much to deal with alone. Sincere best wishes, Cat x

[worried56]

Thank you all so much for your comments. Unfortunately my brother won't go out anywhere - not even outside in the garden. He is convinced that if he does the journey will finish him off and he will die while he is out! That sounds so melodramatic I know but it's what he thinks and no amount of persuading from us will change his mind. However I have just got back from seeing him this morning and he has finally said that I can call his doctor and get him some anti depressants. It took a lot of badgering from me and one of his carers to get him to change his mind and I am now thinking that we sort of 'ganged up on him' and I hate that we had to do that but if it puts him in a better place mentally then it will have been worth it.

[cat3 in reply to worried56]

Tough love is often the only option. Well done for getting this far m'love and I hope medication will enable your brother in finding some quality of life. Please keep in touch. All best wishes, Cat x