2 year after hypoxic brain injury and don’t like socialising

[Bellabear12]

Husband is nearly 2 years after hypoxic brain injury and I only like socialising with close family and friends should I be making more effort it’s just that I fthink bd it hard work when he doesn’t know people and I always have to keep an eye on him

[Lynd]

I think you should just do what you feel comfortable with.

Why stress yourself?

We only do things I can handle.

[cat3]

I agree with Lynd. There's nothing wrong with sticking to whatever works for you both. I admit I tend to stick to familiars, but on rare occasions with new folk I can cope and interact ok, albeit for a limited time. Too much struggle with word recall and too much verbal input from others can be panic inducing, so I like to have a contingency plan for leaving to avoid any awkwardness.

Would your man enjoy a concert or theatre production ? A childhood friend bought tickets for an Everly brothers concert at our local theatre a couple of years ago as she knew I'd been a massive Everly fan as a kid. I was really apprehensive about sitting through a 1&1/2hr show but the two guys' vocals and guitar playing was indistinguishable from the real thing.

I ended up doing something I would've once found embarrassing and lame ; I sang my little heart out along with the audience (knowing every word of every song) and HOW therapeutic !

After brain surgery a relative became introverted and uncomfortable in groups, but when her partner persuaded her to try mini golf and tenpin bowling she took to both instantly. So they're now regular outings which both of them enjoy and which don't seem to cause her undue fatigue.

I love the ballet and orchestral concerts but sadly most large theatres are out of my budget range. I'd love to see the Cirque du Soleil or the Shen Yun classical dance troupe but can't justify the expense ! But there's loads of stuff on line ; maybe take a look to see what's happening in your area Bella ?

Best wishes, Cat x

[PokerDexter]

I had a hypoxic brain injury myself nearly two years ago and if there's a single change between me and my partner I most regret it's I think she spends too much time worrying about the effects on me, which I totally get, as you know, my behaviour and what I can cope with, my personality, to an extent: all very much changed.

BUT this sounds like more of a you issue, you making a desicion that's right for you, will probably be right for both of you.

Of course I'd expect you to be asking your husband how he feels, but here is a rather simple idea:

Make a pros and cons list, seriously, sounds too simple but then weight every pro and every con on how it would make YOU feel, your worries or benefits that you see. Weight them 1 to 5 (with 5 being most important). Tally up the bigger score.

Whatever you believe is right in your heart, may just be confirmed in black and white and the uncertainty would be lifted of your chest.

If you're looking for a more simplistic answer, yes, bring some more of your friends round. Maybe just consider and I'm only guessing from my experience, he may find it nearly impossible to tell you how he feels about this.

So do what you can and:

Go with your heart, Bellabear.

[Pairofboots]

You have to do what feels comfortable to you. But you are an individual, yes you are married, but if you don't take some time for yourself, you will eventually burn out.

You want to keep things comfortable for your husband, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you need to be yourself and have times when you can just relax and not worry.

There are different ways of doing this, you could have a family member step in, and relieve you, so you can go out, if you just want friends round, you can relax because someone else is doing the care. You can ask for a carer, you may have to contribute to cost. You can ask for respite care. You could arrange for your husband to attend somewhere like Headway (this may expand his circle of friends). Sometimes just being able to get on with the humdrum of housework without worrying can be a break.

Hope this gives some ideas, you may even be ahead of me.

[Alb64]

It's 3 years since my husband's hypoxic brain injury.We socialise rarely outside both our comfort zones.If he talks to someone who doesn't know him or his brain injury he struggles with his speech.Find it less stressful with friends or family.Do what's best for you.xx