My loving hubby of 14yrs had a stroke eight months ago. It presented as sudden sight loss one Saturday morning (in the middle of a lovers tiff) half hour later massive pain kicked in. He thought it was an ocular migraine and went to bed. He slept through the whole bank holiday weekend and behaved wierdly when he woke. By Tuesday the pain had gone but he had lost half his visual field. We sought medical attention, got passed from pillar to post, eventually diagnosed an (infraction?- can't spell! )/ stroke on Thursday. He spent one day in hospital and was sent home.
His post stroke fatigue was huge and when he wasn't at (part time) work he slept for 6 months. The stroke team visited us, my only concern was how tired he was. I missed him, so did our four children. He lost his high powered job in this time period, they 'laid him off'. But I know it's because he was unable to do it anymore.
I became exhausted juggling my work, childcare, running the house & compensating for him not being around. About two months ago he decided to fight his fatigue and try to be more like he was pre stroke. He hadn't regained his sight and has had his driving license took off him. A huge blow but at least he was well!
At first I was delighted to have him up and about, but his mood & behaviour is SO difficult to deal with, I wish he would just go back to his room and stay there- permanently. He snaps at the kids, gets angry, has no empathy. Is unreasonable and self centered when I explain how his behaviour is unfair. He has no motivation and has to be told what to do. (But hates to be told/asked/reminded by his wife) on the other hand he is very clingy, afraid to be alone, wants to 'help' with everything. He literally follows me from room to room, waiting outside the loo! When I get frustrated with him, he then beats himself up for having a stroke and has a bit of a melt down. He got himself a simple job at a garden centre three days a week and I take him to work and back, but it still totally exhausts him.
He suffers with headaches, and other health issues, the GP's have been quite unhelpful. They say keep taking paracetamol, they've tried him on different anxiety pills - which don't work. His blood pressure is getting higher when it was always low. I feel that no one understands and his problems are not being dealt with. I'm so worried for his health. Something massive & life-changing happened to him and there is no acknowledgment. Even my friends think I'm moaning about nothing.
I have been trying so hard to care for him and keep some sense of normality for the kids, but last week end, when I opened up to him about how I was feeling and he had no reaction other than ' he couldn't help having a stroke and it's not his fault'- repeatedly. I lost it, started screaming and punching the walls - all with my school age kids in the house - I am so horrified at myself! Thankfully I got out quick and ran to a friend's house.
It's a wierd situation I find myself in. He's not the man I married, I love him, but he's ' lost' somewhere inside that head of his. I miss him, the kids miss him. He understands things aren't right with him. It's so sad. I wish I could peep into the future & see if this gets better. If in years to come we can make light of it together over a bottle of wine.
And I hope and pray I have the strength to stick this out.
Reaching the end of the line
back to the doctors today at 2pm
Can anger go away?
