Is anyone able to give me some advice and tips in dealing and coping with the changes in my husband's mood swings and his behaviour.
I'm really not dealing with it very well, which is I think one of the reasons things are so bad between us at the moment. That and his denial that he has changed.
Any advice will be gratefully received x
Understanding the symptoms of a TBI is incredibly difficult, I couldn't work mine out for about 5 years, so for you it's going to be more difficult.
The best input my wife had was from the HATS nurse:
headway.org.uk/supporting-y...
Headway groups you'd be welcome as a career lots of people go along as a couple and you'll meet others who will understand the issues
It is very difficult isn't it. The hardest thing, I think, is to realise that he cannot understand that his bi is causing this. I suggest that you phone Headway and chat with them, they come across this problem all the time.
hiya heres your first problem, we dont know we re being horrible, the second once we have and youre having a go at us about it, we dont know what youre on about..........because weve forgotten about it.
i caused my wife to have a meltdown, we went to the drs and she broke down in his surgery..........i was referred to a psychiatrist and we discussed a course of treatment which would include anti depressants.
the medication im on works in the house, but my wife is on tenderhooks when we go out, because unlike normal people who can think things, we dont have that capacity, our tongue is our thought process.
noise is another thing that gets me going, my hearing is finely tuned to noise wherever its coming from, which makes pubs and restaurants difficult places.
i do recommend your local monthly headway group where he ll meet people who truly understand because theyre in the same boat and the darlings who put up with us when we have our moments.
also let him see some of the comments on here, it may help him with his journey and your partner may like to connect with myself and others like me who have accepted the new them and the journey they are on.
one thing that is important is that you insist on seeing the same gp for continuity.
Thanks for replying,
He is waiting for a full cognitive assessment but what should have been a 12-16 week wait is now 19 and still no appointment !!
We did join the local headway group but now he's back at work he won't attend anymore.
He's not seen his gp with regards to his head injury other than for medical certificates when he was off. He is seeing someone with regards to his bp. Maybe I could see if he'll let me go with him next time so the subject could be raised.
Problem is he's in complete denial that anything is wrong. Which causes more problems.
I've sent him the headway leaflets I've put him on here and a couple of support groups on Facebook all with no avail.
The HATS nurse has been very good but since he left me after I like your wife had a melt down she's seen me once and not been in touch with him.
I don't know what else I can do. It really does help me, knowing that I'm not alone x
Hi Marie, It’s tough no doubt. I had a bad cycle accident and broke my head badly. I also had serious limb injuries that required surgery, grafts and bone lengthening through an externally fitted frame. This was on for eighteen months.
So whilst on crutches, rebuilding I hadn’t really thought about my head too much or the chaos I was causing. Outside people reacted to the leg, you can’t see a brain injury. I always thought I would return to work. I didn’t know what I didn’t know if you get my drift. Once the mechanicals got better I started to realise better the brain malfunction.
The hardest thing is to accept this, until you do you can’t really change.
I was fortunate to get Neuro psychology locally for two years as it happened, the hardest thing was self awareness. I just didn’t know, couldn’t see or understand. My psych consultant would say until you full accept the brain injury, the changes, accept them and close the door on them, embrace the new you you will not go forward.
Fortunately I got that, I am a new person, at first looking in the mirror I didn’t recognise the bloke looking back at me, in my own body it was weird.
Try not to be too hard on him, what he says is not what he thinks, we say things we can’t control as if unrelated thoughts just come out.
My wife and I still struggle with this, but we are good, if anything closer now than we have ever been.
Take care
I feel for you Marie ; it must be exhausting living with someone you've been so close to who's now so difficult to be with.
When I came home from hospital after a haemorrhage I felt that, apart from my needing to get to grips with the memory, mobility, emotional issues etc., all was well with my family and that they'd been saved a heap of heartache by my survival.
What I didn't know, and was astonished to be told (very quietly & gently) was that they'd been on 'eggshells' since my return home as I'd become aggressive (though not with them) and very outspoken ; in fact a very changed person. I thought they were exaggerating & wouldn't accept it.
By talking, over a period of months, with someone who wasn't afraid of breaking eggshells I started to see my behaviour through the eyes of others and, though I still have trouble controlling my emotion, I'm more ready to admit I've got issues and to reign them in, or at least absent myself from testing situations.
Your man has to 'own' his behaviour before he can moderate it ; I hope the assessment will lead to some therapy and his acceptance of the need to address the changes in him.
Best wishes to you both, Cat x
The advice and help I've been given on here over the last 6 months has been gratefully received and much needed. Unfortunately I think its too late for me and Alan. His anger and it seems hatred to me has got too much. I'm sorry to say that that along with his denial meant the end of our marriage earlier today.
Thank you all for your support and help x
Hi Marie, I'm so sorry that your relationship has broken down resultant to your husbands behaviour, his lack of insight or willingness to seek help.
What can I say. You come across as a caring loving person at her wits end who has been pushed too far.
Sometimes you can only give so much and take so much. I hope that in the long run you find peace, love and fullfillment wherever that may be.
God bless
Pending the full assessment and whether your husband is able to recognise "good" and "bad" behaviours eg on TV or film.
You could try a CCTV camera and play back an incident or two to him. Sometimes seeing is believing.
If he agrees that his behaviour has been bad and trusts you you could set up a signal. With my husband his signal for me was (and still is) a tap on my shoulder and saying my name in a firm flat tone of voice.
It is just enough to interrupt my developing head of steam and that lets me breathe and step back from whatever is happening.
Really need help and advice 
Help wanted please.
Any advice appreciated
Speech therapy advice
