Memory Loss - my life

[oceanm]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post and I am very shy about being so open as I've been literally burying my head in the sand, but any advice would be so much appreciated.

I have never had a diagnosis of a TBI but have been run over twice, the first time suffering multiple head injuries at 3 and left with a hole in my head, and then hit by a lorry at 23 incurring 15 fractures and lost my helmet after bouncing off the windscreen - so I was told.

I struggle to remember anything about my own life - only tiny bits and pieces but everything is pretty much most of a big blur. It never bothered me as I left home at 16, moved around with work, lived in different places and was self-employed and only had to talk about work and my hobbies and that satisfied everyone.

Since I've come back to England I've followed my dream to help other people in my shoes as a care assistant in hospitals and care homes, I have realised that I am really different to my colleagues and struggle to remember even that I had a conversation with them about something just a couple of weeks ago. I can't talk about my life with anyone as I don't remember much of it, but just joke my way through everything, putting on a "happy face" to get by. It used to work, but I'm getting tired of feeling so weird compared to most of my colleagues.

I struggle to remember stuff when I'm learning new things, but once it is in my memory, I'm really good at picking up signs of poorly patients or things that happen to them and recalling them whilst on shift.

Anything outside of work, I'm pretty useless and feel completely boring compared to my colleagues as I can't share any stories about me growing up, etc, etc.

Can anyone relate to this and I'm pushing people away as I'm so scared they'll find me boring even though I love learning about and listening to their stories.

I have finally braved up some courage to see a doctor who is putting me in touch with a specialist, but this is scaring the pants off me!

Thanks so much

[spider555]

I wonder if you're one of those highly sensitive person. Otherwise called an empath ☺

[oceanm in reply to spider555]

Morning Spider555,

That's truly amazing, I never knew that word and just learnt it. Just come off a night shift and how strange because one resident had lost the plot and I said to my night leader, I think she may have an infection and was told that she was already on antibiotics for one. Another time I said to my leader that I felt that the gentleman I was looking after was presenting with Parkinson's symptoms when he had only just been admitted - spookily enough, he had just been diagnosed.

I even think of someone and they turn up in my path soon after ....

Yikes .....

Thanks so much.

Maria

[ElleGee]

Think it's pretty fantastic that despite your struggles you not only work but in an often times stressful role in caring for others. Nothing wrong with being scared your starting a journey of what will hopefully identify more skills & strategies to reduce your fears & build your self worth. Very best of luck to you.

[oceanm in reply to ElleGee]

Morning ElleGee,

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I love looking after others in need, makes me feel good about everything and helps me to forget that I can't remember as much as I'd like haha

You're totally right, it's going to be a new learning curve and can only help to solidify everything.

Thanks for the luck and thanks again so much x

Maria

[cat3]

Don't be scared of getting professional help ; it'll probably be the making of you. I suspect you'll get plenty of reassurance and confidence from opening up to someone with an interest in your history and present day issues.

The memory problems, the inhibition with others and the lack of concentration is SO common after brain injury, but keep reminding yourself how courageous you've been so far in remaining in employment (and very demanding employment at that !)

I hope you'll get the help needed to improve your confidence and quality of life.

Best wishes ; please let us know how your consultations go with your doctor. Cat x

[oceanm in reply to cat3]

Morning Cat,

Thanks too so much for this lovely reply, there are too many symptoms to ignore really, so I'm happy that you've bounced in with a tiny bit of support.

I met a lovely guy who just kept wanting to talk to me for some reason, he used to work where I did in London before my accident, knew where the first flat I bought was, and I was so scared that he wouldn't find me interesting because of my memory issues (not that anyone would know as I smile my way through every day thinking of, listening to and talking to others about themselves all day long that no-one ever notices haha ) ... and messaged him to say that he shouldn't say hello to me anymore ... which I'm really sad about.

Thanks so much for your reply, I really appreciate it and yes, it will make me stronger as I guess I will understand myself better. Have a lovely day x

Maria

[cat3 in reply to oceanm]

Oh Maria, what a sad story that is, of the 'lovely guy' whos friendship you sacrificed through insecurity. I hope, with help, you'll come to value yourself as much as you seem to do others.

Love Cat x 🌷

[oceanm in reply to cat3]

Hey lovely, I think your tulip worked - he's just walked by to say hi. Can't believe it and yes, I made sure my happy face was firmly on. Thanks so very much, I'm feeling that thanks to you all I can achieve special things xxx

[cat3 in reply to oceanm]

Oh crikey, what are the chances.

And I'm sure that happy face of yours is delightful, but don't be afraid to show your true feelings now and then. It shouldn't always be about everyone else................ and our vulnerability can be very appealing and refreshing. 😖

Take care Maria. See you soon xx

[gj124]

I agree wholeheartedly with Cat. I was quite on myself for a long time but once I relaxed it seemed to improve. I have my own coping strategies which need to be personal to yourself. For me I write everything down in a diary on my phone.. It works for me but wouldn’t necessarily work for everyone.

[oceanm in reply to gj124]

Morning too gj124,

Thanks so much too, I agree, when I get stressed and anxious it is worse, I guess I've coped for so long, I'm just tired of coping without knowing if that makes sense.

Thanks so much for the tips, yes, I have a book where I write things down, I'm going to get a pocket one too.

Take care and have a lovely day too x

Maria

[CH56Twin]

Hello OceanM

I too have memory issues and struggle on a daily basis. I use a diary and a notebook at work to support me and would be lost without it. I had encephalitis 18mths ago and the major damage I am left with is memory issues. Because of my now very poor memory I do struggle in my job and indeed don't know how long I can keep it - I just keep fighting every day but it is exhausting. My performance at work on occasion is not good and I do know this - I am being watched like a hawk and find myself in a position of uncertainty every day. Ido love my job but wonderhow long I can hang on to it. I have sent this post just to let you know you are nt on your own. Take Care Clare

[oceanm in reply to CH56Twin]

Morning Clare, aaawwww bless you, thank you so much for sharing your story. It has meant so much to hear from you and you've all helped me. I've always been positive, but with so many negative voices around me at work, I think this caused me to crash a little.

I hope that you will continue to find the strength to keep shining and stay strong enough to do what you love. I'll be thinking of you and cheering you on in spirit.

Take care too and thanks again,

maria x