Alcohol........

[Joanna65]

My 20 year old son is 12 months TBI. When asked "How are things going?" I tend to say "Fine" because I don't feel I can say "He's taken to going to the pub most nights and drinking more than he should and jeopardising his (so far, miraculous) recovery, his return to university, his friendships and relationships, and his short and long-term health. He's getting himself more into debt and voicing suicidal thoughts when drunk saying that his life is "f***ed"". Having just spent a long night trying to talk him down from his drunken, agitated state, I would welcome some positive advice as my husband and I are at our wits end and worry about how we can move forward with this.

[Kirk5w7]

Oh Joanna the recklessness of youth! Unfortunately he is at that age when anything his parents tell him is to be ignored.

I've just spent a long 3 years coaching my son through university after being diagnosed only 6 moths ago with being on the autism spectrum, once the diagnosis came and he had con selling it got a little easier, he listened to his counsellor.

I think your son would benefit from some counselling, it's not easy coming to terms with a BI and learning you are not invincible.

But, I am sure he will not readily accept counselling, I thought I could manage without it, but it was so helpful, putting things into perspective.

You say he had a miraculous recovery, as did I, but he will be coping with many things that are not apparent. We all hate it when we are told, you look so well, you must be recovered now. It's those invisible issues that blight our life, like the noise levels( that's not easy for a young adult to avoid) perhaps his balance is a little off too. I have lost some vision in one eye which took me over 12 months to have the doctors agree was so, not that they could help me with that but another invisible issue.

I cannot drink alcohol, it does awful things to my brain. These are all my issues but things no one can see, so think I'm fine, but I'm far from it. I cannot work any longer and may only experience 3 good days out of 7 and those 3 are compromised.

I'm sure you know all this, but I feel your son will need that counselling to help him find solutions to the problems he is facing, I'm sure they can be found and he is young enough to reap the rewards of those solutions,

Do try yor best to enlist all the help you can, does the uni know and how can they help.

Take care my thoughts are with you.

Janet x

[Joanna65 in reply to Kirk5w7]

Janet, thank you for your supportive words. He has received a great deal of rehab and occasionally sees a female neuropsychologist. I am wondering whether there is such a thing as a neuro-life coach? More practical perhaps and dealing with issues such as alcohol, relationships etc. We have support from great Headway professionals so I will tap into their knowledge aswell but sometimes you want to hear from people who've been through it and how they coped/dealt with it. x

[Kirk5w7 in reply to Joanna65]

Hi again Joanna,

I got lots of rehab too, but it was only dealing with life that really worked. They could teach me to walk again etc etc, but no one taught me how to deal with money, it was like giving an 8 year old access to a bank account and credit cards!!! I have so much debt that will take me years to pay back, I am only on a pension now. But with perseverance I've learnt to be responsible again, my husband made me do it, and I'm grateful to him for that. So I think a limited overdraft will be good for him as will earning his own money.

I'm not sure if there are neuro coaches but I know what you mean, you may have to find one yourself and pay. That may be quicker than waiting for the NHS.

I had to pay for vision therapy but it was so worthwhile. It has helped my balance issues so much.

Janet x

[moo196]

I'm so sorry to read this.

I have two young men of my own and know that these are difficult times without a brain injury - let alone with that added complication.

I'm afraid I don't have magic answers but hope you get some professional help asap. I think they may have more ideas than me.

On a practical note - what are his sources of income ? Could suggest that he is put on a NO overdraft basis and/or when he is on a more even keel/level headed moment suggest that you are in charge of finances for the time being so he can only have a coupe of drinks ?

Take care of yourself too

[Joanna65 in reply to moo196]

Thank you. Income is always an issue. Told he couldn't have income support as he was a student (he has had to have a year out) and waiting for results of PIP but don't hold out much hope. He is just about to start a very part-time job so will have a bit of income from that. Otherwise it has been the bank of mum and dad! x

[Hidden]

It sounds to me that he is suffering from depression. It is very common after a TBI. Alcohol is often used as an escape too. Young men are at risk from suicidal impulses and, if he were my son, I would want him on anti-depressants to cushion him from these powerful feelings whilst he gets help to recognise where they are springing from and to work through them. All a GP can do is start a patient on a lowish dose of his/her favourite pill - it is then up to the patient to experiment by gradually (using a pill cutter) altering the dose to explore the effects and find the optimum - which will change.

When things are sorted one decreases gradually to half a pill then nowt. I do wish that GPs would explain this as so many people do not benefit as they ought from these drugs...they are not an on/off switch. NB if the dose is too high one feels cold and uncaring so one soon learns to recognise the effect. Also just knowing that one's emotions are being influenced by a drug is a good reason not to succumb to despair!

[steve55]

joanna65 you say 12months tbi, you dont say what part of the brain was damaged,whether his language and behaviour inside and outside the house is inappropiate, you dont say what medication hes on.

to him yes his

life is well and truly fucked up and in his own way hes crying out for you to help him.a visit to the gp to arrange a refferal to see a psychiatrist would be a start.