a year ago tomorrow

Col, my lovely partner was punched (an unprovoked attack) and suffered his severe TBI on 05/05/12. I don't know quite how to feel about whether we should ignore the date or celebrate the fact he's alive and happy despite the fact our lives have changed for ever. We talked for hours last night about the positives that we can take from this experience. He has become much closer to his family and although we don't see a lot of our old friends, the ones who have stayed with us are the ones who are truly worth having. I know we are so lucky that (physically) Colin has largely recovered and he is getting amazing support from BASIC (brain and spinal injury charity)in Salford so he really is getting his confidence back and is learning how to deal with his cognitive impairments. However, I feel so sad when I think of the confident, sharp, quick witted and outgoing man he was and how he now has to learn how to deal with paranoia, anxiety and 'brain fog' (just a few issues from a long list of challenges!).I am so blessed that he isn't bitter and his angry outbursts tend to be short lived and relate to silly things like dropping a knife if he's trying to prepare a meal.I think all brain injury survivors should be so proud of the achievements they make every single day. It is a battle which nobody will understand unless it touches them personally as it truly is a 'hidden' disability. Thanks again to this forum and all you lovely people who provide support just by listening and sharing your own experiences xxx

11 Replies

  • Every day should be a celebration of the fact he is still alive? Why celebrate a year, it a funny notion we have of celebrating years.

    That's my way of thinking, its not everyone's choice.

  • I take your point, TC, it's not one I would argue with but I think the yearly anniversary resonates simply because of the repetition of the date. I always get an uncomfortable feeling on valentines day because my mum died on Feb.14th. Also, my family treated dec.7.2102 as significant because dec.7th was when I had my sah a year earlier.....it's all in the date. But I know what you mean about every day being an anniversary.

    trisi, It's so good to hear that you and Colin can still work so well together since his injury. With regard to the anniversary ....why don't you just do what feels right on the day.....maybe go out in the sunshine.

    You mentioned Salford. I was treated at Salford Royal just round the corner from BASIC.

    Best wishes, cat x

  • I celebrated mine, I had a catastrophic sah on 23rd Dec 2011 so I've only had one. I had a party with family and friends. Just an afternoon but it was worth it. Xxx

  • Hi Trisi, so good to here your partner is recovering, it certainly is a life changing thing for everyone, my partner has been in a vegetative state for six months now after a young driver knocked him off his mototbike. You are right the pain we all go through can only be understood by someone in the same position, a lot of our friends have disappeared, I think they may be a little scared of how to speak to me. Don't you think it makes you appreciate things in life more and cherish the ones close to us. Hugs to you both x

  • How people choose to mark the day (or not) is a very personal one and your views on this may change over time...

    I don't celebrate on the date of my injury, but I do acknowledge it and use it as a time for quiet reflection and to take stock of the triumphs and tribulations. This helps me to see the little changes that may otherwise have gone unnoticed.

    Its also a great time to review the blessings jar ;)

  • thanks all (especially to Millie as I know we're so lucky that Col is doing so well and I cannot tell you how much I hope things get better for you). We've settled on a takeaway and quiet night in, just quietly contemplating the past year and appreciating the things we still have and the new things we're finding to enjoy every day(maybe not every day but you get the picture!) xx

  • It was in a 'Rehab' hospital that I 'woke up'. I seemed awake before, but I had no coherent memory, no memory of *why* I was in hospital... On the anniversary of my accident, every year, I go in there to thank all the lovely staff, who dealt with me during my recovery.

    Then, that evening, my husband and I crack a bottle of bubbly. We are not celebrating the accident, of course, we are celebrating the fact that I survived it.

    I hope you had a good celebration.

  • The staff in HDU at Salford Royal were really delighted when I went back to thank them. They told me that, as their patients move on before they are fully recovered, the staff don't get to see the rewards of their labour and they get a real kick out of seeing the metamorphosis of the once desperately sick person into a completely transformed individual. Of course the 'Thorntons' chocolates couldn't get anywhere near the level of gratitude I felt, but were snatched away pretty enthusiastically !

    It was a lovely 'reunion' type event and I was ,sort of, seeing everyone for the first time as I'd been too poorly whilst under their care to recognise anyone. It's a memory to treasure. xx

  • it was my day on the 3 of may. i to was assaulted by a group of lads just for asking them to stop kicking a man as he lay on the floor. i had a TBI amongst other knock on impairments. i hate the day as it reminds me of what happened not how far i have come.very mixed feelings. i have a poor meory but can never forget that day and wish i could. Iwould rather celebrate the day i took my first steps again. we are all diferent.

  • wheither we all like it or not we cannot forget a date when something changed our lives forever. i suppose it depends on what has happened in that intervening time as to if we celebrate our acheivements or commiserate our loss! We are all different -we all have good days and bad days. Our first christmas after the accident was bad for me remembering what used to be, but a quick dose of realism of the fact that there are far worse events in the world tend to stop me feeling sorry for myself .A lot happens in a year!!

  • My BI 1st Anniversary date of 15th March 2014, will also be the date I will collect the keys to my new home in a village with people living there. On 18th March, the date I came round last year, will be the day I move into my new home, and say goodbye to physical isolation. So yes, after my hysteria of yesterday, in March I will have lots to celebrate for good reasons only.

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