Will life get any better?

Feeling really low today I'm 32 tomorrow and I've spent over half my life in pain and lost in the affects of my tbi. I know I'm never going to get better and it's so hard sometimes knowing I'll never do anything with my life and always be like this. How do you cope? What hope is there ? Sorry this is a bit desperate don't have anyone else to say this to who would understand

10 Replies

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  • I am nearly 38 and it's been 20 years since I was in a coma from being hit by a car. Recently I felt really low and came on here and things have picked up and improved altogether in my life since I've been talking, and have now reached out to my local Headway for some help. Finally admitting I need it now I have a son to think about! There's always hope and things will always improve, that is something wonderful about this life- don't let it overwhelm you, take some rest and do something that makes you happy and remember tomorrow can always be better :)

  • Hi Valerie, it's great you have opened up and said how you feel, that's the best thing to do! I totally sympathise with you, it's not easy plodding on through things especially if you are in pain. I haven't lived in pain all of my life and I'm grateful for that but I have had to adapt to a new me after brain surgery for a brain tumour and then two years later learning that it had grown again and needed radiotherapy. It's very tiring trying to act all brave infront of others and keep trying to be what they think you should be like!

    I don't have any quick fix answers, I would love to have a magic wand and make us all on here better and back to our old selves but unfortunately it's not possible. I think the only way forward for lots of us now is to come to terms with the new you, difficult I know, especially if you look normal to everyone else. It's such a journey for us all and the only way to make it any better is to try to be as positive as we can, (difficult some days too)! We need to enjoy any good days and just get through the bad ones as best as we can, knowing that it's a bit of a roller coaster now.

    Fatigue seems to play a large part in our lives and along with pain it makes some days so hard but all we can do is try to find positives; fill our time with things we can manage and try not to focus too much on the things we can't manage anymore. It's soul destroying and yes it gets you down but you can't let it take over your thoughts every day or life is wasted, so you have to be open about how you feel, seek as much help as you can to help with pain control, take steps to try to fix yourself emotionally, maybe visit the gp and ask if there is anyone you can talk to about this. We all deserve help but it's not always offered and if it isn't then we must go looking and find it.

    We have been given a second chance at life, albeit in a very different body or mind but we have to learn to make the most of it and not waste anymore precious time. (says me...I've never spoken to anyone professionally).

    Like you I know I won't get better, I won't manage what I used to manage, etc etc, I have really awful days and I'm on my own a lot which makes it so hard but I'm trying to learn to just do whatever I can each day. Today I'm going to have a pj day, not a real lazy one but I'll get on with my cleaning, washing etc etc (boring I know but it gives me some exercise and reminds me that I'm not useless altogether)! I take great pride in knowing I'm keeping my home beautiful and that my doggies are happy and that my husband has a cooked meal to come home to! (I know it's not the be all and end all of life but it gives me a sense of achievement).

    I wish I could be back at work, singing, dancing, reading etc with the preschool children...I was always very loud and loved my job, I had my planning for the week done in a way that I knew would be the most fun for the children whilst allowing me to get through the abundance of paper work that comes with the job but all of that is gone now and I'm very sad about that. I miss it dearly and pine for it a lot but it's wasn't meant to be and if the tumour hadn't been discovered I wouldn't be here today ...so I'm doing my best to adapt to this new lady I have become (lady..haha ;) ). I really don't know what else to say Valerie except that I hope you can pick up a bit and maybe see what you can do that would make your days happier for you but certainly keep on at your gp if you are suffering pain as surely there must be something out there to ease the pain for you! I wonder if you have friends that you meet, do you go for coffee with anybody, do you have family, friends etc etc....if so don't be afraid to ask them for some company, they will be pleased to spend time with you. On saying that I have tended to shy away from social scenes, not that I was ever a real party animal but now I just find it so difficult with lots of people talking all at once, my mind gets bombarded and I get lost for what words to use etc etc.

    I hope somebody else comes along on here that can help to pick you up a bit Valerie. I do feel for you so much, it's really difficult but please always chat about your feelings, it's much more healthy to let it all out!

    Best wishes to you, sorry I'm not very helpful but know I understand.

    xx

    x

  • I think Peaches has said it all. Just wanted to add that I DO sympathise with your plight ; I suffer debilitating headaches on a regular basis and have given up looking for answers after years of Codeine, Amitriptyline, Paracetamol etc..............none of which help.

    Headaches are a common theme on Headway I'm afraid Valerie ; wish I had some answers but wanted to send some good wishes your way. Cat xx

  • Best wishes for tomorrow, Valerie1986, and welcome to the group.

    There will be a tomorrow, and a next birthday etc, even though some days we all feel like we're wading through treacle just to appear 'normal'. We have good days, and bad ones, and a birthday can give us cause to reflect on where we're going, what we're aiming for, and what we want. None of us want the sludge-days, but they happen, they happen to uninjured people, too, but they're not all already trying to ride a unicycle through flaming hoops, whilst juggling jars of angry hornets... maybe that's just me?

    I'm smiling slightly, because last week I had a birthday that ended in a zero, and that did make me wonder where the 'there' in 'getting there' actually was, I still haven't fully figured that one out, being me, I probably never will. I've had less time in sludge-ville than you, next month is the second anniversary of my brain deciding to re-model itself, and I'm consciously trying NOT to tie myself up in expectations of that being 'it'. I'm unlikely to take up salsa-dancing, or hang-gliding, my career, which I threw every ounce of body and spirit into, is wrecked, but I'm facing forwards, into what's-next, rather than backwards into what-was, it's the only way I'll pull myself out of this. (Posting less on the board recently because I recognise I'm in one of my low-phases, and I don't want to be negative, it's not helpful.)

    We peak and we trough, sometimes 'hitting the bottom' gives us the energy to rebound into something new, and it's my dearest hope that, after your reflective birthday-related dip, you can bounce back. We're here for you, and with you.

  • yes it does get better 54 years approx after accident I can say that my life is nearly normal

    hope that helps

  • Yep birthdays sometimes aren't the best when you sit back and reflect on the previous years and realise that it is one year less rather than one year more.

    One thing that I have realised over the years is that life, mother nature, some spiritual entity who ever you believe in has a some sort of plan or a weird sense of humour. I have seen many people lead active adventurous lives only for it to be knocked back in someway, I have also seen the opposite where people have struggled and lead a miserable life only for something to turn and things get better. Sometimes it can be simple things, sometimes spectacular like JK Rowling who was single mother, penniless and suffering from depression.

    I would love to be able to write some powerful, uplifting words of encouragement but sadly I haven't been gifted with that. But being someone whom has struggled with pain and injuries for 40 years there is a life out there, it is just a matter of going out to find it - even if after the TBI the route map is a crumpled.

    All the best for tomorrow and hope your journey takes an upward turn.

  • It does get ,if not better, different if that makes sense.

    3+years on, life has changed, but you do start to come to terms with it.

    We call it the next chapter in our lives.

    We have turned the pages in the book & try to believe the pages will get better& happier as time goes on.

    Life will never be what it was, but it can still be good we hope

  • You have found Headway and some support here. Question: do you like dark chocolate and ginger? Try this diet book and website. You can have 2 squares of chocolate on it per day!!! Nice smoothies with fruit and a lot of other tasty things. It might help you to feel or get just a bit better.

    Tina M Sullivan, Nourish Your Noggin (cookbook) which accompanies the treatments favored by Dr Diane. Dr Diane's book is also good, 'Coping with Concussion and Mild Traumatic Brain Injury'.

    drdiane.com/conditions/trau...

    I hope things improve for you.

  • Headway can probably arrange counselling for you. It is not a quick fix but it often helps to talk things through with a professional stranger. Give it a go, what have you got to lose. Hope your birthday was better than you expected.

  • Thank you for all your messages they made me less alone. Cat3 how do u cope with your headaches? I do try and do what I can and plod along as we say but birthdays are always worst one year older and no better, I think I'm still thinking someone will come and save me or give me a cure, I am trying unsuccessfully to help myself. Some days are just harder to slap the smile on and carry on

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