Frustrated

Good morning everyone, I hope you're all well today.

Has anyone else experienced a frustrating sense of 'not enough time in the day', even if there's plenty of it?

I worked from home yesterday morning and had a list of things to do afterwards:

Walk the dog

Hoover

Dust

Clean the cooker and kitchen surfaces

Go to visit a friend nearby

Practice playing the guitar before a lesson that evening.

Walk the dog again.

By the time I'd done these I was like "Where has the day gone? I feel like I've achieved bugger all!"

I ordinarily try to get all of these things done before my fiancée comes home at the end of the day. Yesterday she was delayed and called to let me know. What I *should* have done at this point (Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?) was to recommend I make something for dinner so she wouldn't have to, resulting in a rush to go out afterwards. Except I didn't. It didn't even cross my mind, and during a conversation this morning, my fiancée pointed out that she shouldn't always have to tell me to do things (Had she said 'Im running late would you mind making dinner?' I'd have happily done it without any difficulty).

I agree with her entirely. I'm never intentionally or deliberately selfish or negligent, and when I find out I've acted that way without realising it and affected someone adversely it's upsetting.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how I could increase or learn my mindfulness?

Alex.

15 Replies

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  • For me it's to much time ... it goes so sloooow

  • Maybe write a reminder at night, with input from your fiancee, & leave it near the kettle for the morning ? ;-) Cat x

  • A good idea although during particularly fractious debates it can become "I shouldn't have to tell you to".

  • I did think that might be an issue ; still think it's preferable to 'I just wish you could've ......................... ?? :o

  • Looked at your post and wondered if I would have achieved all of that in an afternoon anyway ?

    I don't dust very often ( once or twice a year is enough... one shade of grey is much the same as another in my opinion...better things to do with my time!) Hoovering every other week.

    Having lived with two young men (my sons) and now young lodger, I just don't think we all "see" what "needs" to be done in the same way (b I or not).

    I think dinner at the end of a working day may have made up for the other things missed....

    Ask her to be a little more explicit about what is really important....and both be realistic about what can be achieved?

    Good luck ☺

  • Gosh what a lot to fit into a day. I take my hat off to you - just reading your list made me feel tired. Since my BI I have had to accept that I can't do as much as I would like to do or used to be able to do. My other half has been amazing at helping me think about what is realistic and sometimes we have to sit down and talk about what I can or can't get through. It helps me but it has also helped him be aware of my limitations. I have a white board in the kitchen and a list of jobs to do but they don't necessarily all get done in a day.

    I guess it's really hard living with someone with a BI but I think it has helped that we have done this journey together so he understands that I am forgetful or don't always engage brain but its never intentional.

    When I saw the neuropsychologist he suggested lists and notes but make sure that they are where you will see them.

    It sounds like you are doing a really great job. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

    Best wishes

    Blim

  • Thanks for your thoughtful replies and advice, they've made me end the day in a positive mindset :)

    Goodnight everyone, hope you've all had pleasant days and sleep well.

  • Set yourself less tasks to do . I've had to realise with work and home tasks I can't do the same amount since BI so you just have to readjust and be kind to yourself. In the scheme of things is dusting really THAT important? Walking the dog benefits you both. Good luck!

  • If I didn't dust and tidy I'd vanish amidst the daily dog hair lol. The git won't stop shedding thanks to the inconsistent weather.

  • Dump the friend, dog and guitar and you'll have more time to clean the cooker - or leave that with a quick wipe only and you'll be so bored you'll do it anyway ..... have a good weekend.

    Washing and ironing for me.

  • Would it work if you left yourself inspirational notes: 'if girl-friend is late, offer to make supper'; 'if girl-friend is tired when she comes in, make her a cup of tea' - would those sort of things job your memory?

  • I think my house would be covered in post-its 😂

  • alexbee your mindfulness is obviously not working for you............so take the good bit, the relaxation bit, when you get up in the morning meditate, that will help you to concentrate on the tasks for that morning and if you need to again after lunch.

    works for me.

  • Goood advice Steve. I was discussing the same thing with a friend earlier, about making time for meditation during the day. At the moment I work until lunch time so some meditation between that and the rest of my day might be beneficial.

  • I try to plan and work to a structure and lists - I have lists for everything, in fact I have a book of lists. But I accepted some years back that my daily 'to do' lists were unachievable. Now I just write lists and cross things off as they happen. Nothing is that desperate, after all. Even things that 'ought 'to be done today can usually wait until tomorrow if I don't quite get there. And I often don't.

    As for lacking cognitive planning and the ability to respond logically to situations both my husband and children have adapted to the fact that they need to follow through on my behalf. It is no good coming home from school with a letter for a trip and giving it to me: I will read it and put it down again. I need to be given the letter with an instruction to complete the reply slip and stood over with hands outstretched waiting for it.Otherwise it will be laid on the pile of mail - not because I don't understand what a reply slip is, or think it is important for my children, just because that step by step process ability is impaired.

    So as for your partner's 'shouldn't have to tell you what to do' comment - I am afriad she probably needs to get her head round the fact that yes she does need to tell you - or be a bit more relaxed about the fact that sometimes things she might expect to happen simply don't. My husband comes home, looks in the kitchen, sees no tea, realises I have failed to include the meat on the shopping list again so inspite of the day's earlier shopping delivery I can't actually make any of the things I had planned, and am now in limbo as 'the plan' is broken: so he either whips up something veggie with pasta or suggests we run round to the chippy...and the sausage casserole or shepherds pie waits until tomorrow.

    We talk about life as full of surprises...we go with the flow these days and see it as a bit of fun. We laugh about it. After all it isn't a matter of life and death...that is called the brain aneurysm.

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