6 months since SAH

[Debra1967]

So it's been 6 months today (by day) Tuesday by date since my SAH. It happened as I ran a bath, so it all came flooding back to me this evening while running a bath. I actually felt a bit panicky in the bathroom and had to unlock the door.

I gave myself a good talking to though and got it over with, lol.

I had my 6 month MRI scan yesterday evening, while I'm sure all will be ok, the waiting on results is not nice.

I hate the fact I feel different now. Sometimes I feel like I'm just me, other times I feel like a different person. No-ones really knows that, I don't look any different to everyone, but I FEEL different. How do you explain that without sounding like a crazy person?

Got a pretty stressful week ahead with appointments for my daughter, which I must say is doing nothing for my headaches, sleep patterns and fatigue. Fighting to keep her out of an adolescent mental health unit..... Wish me luck.

Hope you are all doing ok and coping well with day to day life.

Take care.

Deb. x

[Bradybunch35]

Good morning Deb - you are doing an amazing job. Just running your own bath and aware of your own safety is wonderful. I'm so sorry about your daughter it's so difficult to try control things especially our stress levels.

Please take care of yourself, hope you get the help your daughter needs xx

[Thebelleoftheball]

You're so lucky. My boyfriend (who is 46), had an SAH 9 months ago, and he's still in a nursing home and unable to care for himself. I guess I'm sort of starting to come to terms with the likelihood he will never be independent again, but it's still just devastating, and I worry constantly what life will be like for him now.

I'm so glad you are doing well so quickly after your SAH, and hope only good health for you!!

[Northender71]

Hi Debs.

Next Monday will be 6 months after my SAH by date. Mine was non-aneurymal and I've made a full physical recovery so don't need anymore follow up so very lucky me......BUT the psychological aspects of it have been tough. I had a bit of an episode like yours in work a couple of months ago so I really recognise what you're talking about. With hindsight I had gone back to work too quickly but I've managed & I've had some counselling which really helped. Just being able to talk to someone neutral is a relief. I'm sure you're doing a great job with your daughter but it must be a real added strain. I've got 2 teen kids & it's not easy. Just being able to "talk" on here helped me.

You're doing great but you're bound to have ups and downs. Take care x

[Gaia_rising]

Morning, Debra1967 .

I'm approaching the two-year anniversary of acquiring my brain injuries, and had to give myself a talking-to yesterday... I'd love to say that the irrational anxieties have gone away, but I'm just getting better at recognising them, and talking myself down. Yesterday's was "You can't eat THAT, you're on your own, what if you choke!", leading to me eventually having my breakfast at 1 in the afternoon. I'm a nightmare, a lot of the time it's like arguing with a toddler, BUT, because most of the time I manage to (eventually) get one leg down each leg of my trousers, and not set the house on fire, everyone assumes I'm fine.

Try explaining THAT to someone outside the brain-injured world, and you'd probably end up in one of those fancy cardigans that fasten up the back. I'm off work sick, and being bothered by the in-laws about 'have you had your test yet?', they're very old-fashioned, and because I'm walking and talking, they don't see that there's anything 'wrong' with me, it's impossible to explain to them that some days everything is wrong with me.

I can empathise with waiting for test results, too, my consultants didn't bother communicating mine to me after my monitoring scan in September, and, after chasing hem up three times via the hospital, and getting nothing back, I eventually badgered my GP into printing off the report they'd sent him. (Which I'm probably not supposed to have, but I needed SOMETHING.)

I hope you secure a positive outcome for your daughter, CAMHS across the country are in a terrible mess, and the re-structures and changes to service provision are damned-near impossible to make sense of WITHOUT a brain injury.

Keep up the good work, we all wobble from time to time, it's human nature.

[NigelJ]

Its my 1st anniversary of my SAH at the end of this month Debra1967 so I know how you're feeling. My only issues are short term memory and the dreaded fatigue.

[Mandymoo0]

Hi Deb,

Just a little note to say thanks for making me realise irrational thoughts and fears are normal with SAH! I had mine 5th Feb 2016 and was finally diagnosed and treated ( coiling of aneurysm) 1st Aug. The joke was I felt fine up to diagnosis and then after it felt as tho my world came crashing down!

Family and people close obviously assume all is well as again am talking and walking the same as before any of this happened but those feelings of panic when the slightest headache appears, analysis of exactly where pain is coming from and how it feels do truly send me into a hidden frenzy! I, like yourself, then have to give myself a good talking to as I know I would know that headache like no other, if only I could convince myself!

I know I am fortunate to have not suffered like some and yes I am grateful I do still have a life but sometimes also wish people would realise things to me are not the same as before and that is the hardest thing to accept!

I wish you all the best and hope your daughter goes on ok!

Xxx

[Debra1967]

Thank you all for your replies. It really does help to know we're not alone, and that some of the things we feel and thoughts we have are perfectly normal.

It's funny how, for the most part everyone else's life just continues as though nothing ever happened, yet for me I feel like nothing will ever be the same again. It's hard to communicate those thoughts and feelings to my family though as it seems so dramatic when look ok. I tend to 'just get on with it' most of the time so it's probably as much my own fault really.

We have a holiday to Florida planned for later this year, we've been before and it is an extremely hectic holiday, I know without a doubt I won't be able to keep going from morning until night like I did before, but my husband is convinced it'll all be fine once I'm there. I think he may be a bit disappointed haha.

Had a stressful day today with an appointment for my daughter, think it went ok though, so going to try and relax this evening.

Take care guys.

Deb. x