Husband was assaulted at work, 18 mths. ago. Seems now to have plateaud. Has become hypercritical & obsessive in some areas. Also talks non-stop when awake. Questions everything.
Am so tired !! This has also affected me physically & mentally, coping with everything.
Now both retired. Not improving.
Ideas please.
Hi Vivian. Welcome.
As the wife of a brain injured person you have my sympathy. I don't have many suggestions for you - only to keep yourself busy as much as possible outside the home so that you keep your own life as much as you can, don't let the brain injury destroy you as well. Have you talked to Headway? They will listen and have suggestions. Find out if they have a group in your area where you can meet up with other people in the same situation, it really does help to let off steam to others who understand. When I was completely at rock bottom, I contacted my local mental health team and a nurse visited us for a while. She was so helpful with ideas. I don't know if your husband is able to be left on his own, but if not social services have a 'buddy' scheme where someone can spend time with him, take him out for a drink, whatever it takes to give you a bit of 'me time',
It is so hard, but there is help out there. Never be afraid to ask and ask again. I have lived with it for nearly 30 years and it doesn't really get much easier, you just learn how to cope.
Thank you. Luckily he can be fairly independent. In fact - very ! It's this hypercritical, non-stop waffling, and questions that get me down. Feel, at times, that I am just there to be 'put down', and take it. Gets very tetchy, if I react.
What would happen if you walk away or leave the room every time he does this? Do you think he might realise that he was being unreasonable, or is he not able to understand 'cause and effect'?
18 months is quite early for a true 'plateau' - may well still more incremental adjustments. I still exhibit some of the acquired personality traits you mention, but continued to lessen for a few years.
Finding pursuits for yourselves separately may help both of you. I find it hard not to annoy myself - so the effort required to gel with partner can in itself be fatiguing for me, which makes me even less flexible for them.
I don't envy 'our' partners...
Sadly the symptoms you indicated are all very common. Indeed I can find myself being hypercritical. In my case it is because I used to do everything, used to do it my way, used to do it to a high standard. Now when I see someone (and often my wife) not doing things the best or not trying, I find it hard to bite my tongue.
It is the same when watching TV where I comment on the plot, actors even the set.
The problem is that when we keep it bottled up, it can lead to a different set of issue.
So people recommend mindfulness or some spiritual thought (religion). However, it doesn't work for everyone.
Activity may be another option but even that can cause frustration if and more criticism if it doesn't go well. It would have a look to see if there is one of these nearby : menssheds.org.uk/ It is place where men come to gether to potter around, chat drink tea etc. Studies have found that blokes are more likely to open up to other men in an informal setting when they are doing something.
We all appreciate what you are going through as it isn't easy for both of you, I wish I could offer more than understanding a give you more of a solution.
Have you tried changing his diet? I'm not sure if this would work for you because it applies to post concussion syndrome. Tina M Sullivan, Nourish Your Noggin (cookbook) which accompanies the treatments favored by Dr Diane. Dr Diane's book is also good, 'Coping with Concussion and Mild Traumatic Brain Injury'.
drdiane.com/conditions/trau...
I hope things improve for you.
The men's sheds org looks great.
hi vivian yeh i agree with sospan,but you need to talk to someone, my wife ended having me reffered to a psychiatrist and the a neuro psychiatrist.
cant give anymore ideas my love because you dont really say alot
Maybe you need to look into getting some respite care for your husband....perhaps where he goes off for a week every couple of months at a care facility?
You might also see your GP and see whether he needs further assessment to see what can be done for him in terms of his health and in terms of extending the care package of help you receive. You sound like you need a wee bit of support too...again your GP can help with this
Hi Vivian, Completely agree with the above in you need to get some help. Try not to take it all on yourself and speak to Headway or your GP. Nick x
Hi Vivian sounds very similar to my partner. It can be very difficult . I would echo everything that people have said on here. The headway helpline is very helpful. Also I will enclose a couple of links on stuff to do with TBI and anger. There are some strategies mentioned. I also think it's really helpful to read people's stories on here because it gives so much insight into people's experiences .
psychologytoday.com/blog/pr...
It's important to take care of yourself, even though that can be easier said than done. Do you have a "bolt-hole" that you can go to? Family or friends ,where you can bolster your strength if the criticism is wearing you down? I 've just been to kip at my Mum's for a couple of days. I made sure my partner was safe and let the neighbours know in case of emergency. Take care and a big hug to you xx
Am I wrong to be annoyed?
I don't feel like I am me
ATOS decision - I am apparently fine!
Hi, I need advise.
Hi I’m Mel but I feel way older than I am in the way I am right now 🤨
