hi I am piggy in the middle

hi I am new here, I am here because my mum had a SAH in march this year and has another un-ruptured aneurysm. She is at home doing great, so am looking for insight from her side of life without constantly questioning her. but also looking for ways to support my Dad as he Is not much of a talker when it comes to emotional things like this.

Anyone have any experience of being stuck in the middle of a parent that is scared silly for the other all the time so isn't letting her lead anywhere near a normal life, and the other parent wanting to get a normal as can be, life back on track, (yes possible doing too much and coursing side effects from that)

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  • Hi Hendy, I had a sah and put a small website together to try and explain things from my perspective so it might be of interest to you, the address is braininjuryftp.com

    All the best

    Neil

  • Thanks this is really helpful will pass it onto mum and dad as well, not that I think dad will read it as he won't read anything to do with SAH at the moment.

  • I imagine your mum will be getting pretty restless if she's being constantly monitored and not allowed reasonable freedom. I had a SAH 4+years ago and my first reaction was to buy a new bicycle to prove to everyone that I was absolutely fine........................obviously not a success.

    But no one wants to be defined by their brain injury, and the urge to escape from that aura of illness and dependency can be (as I recall) very strong. I remember insisting, quite soon after discharge from hospital, that I be allowed to walk round the block alone despite my balance being pretty tottery. So I was (begrudgingly) allowed, although I occasionally glimpsed a shadowy figure tailing me at a distance & close to the hedgerows !

    It's a fine balance between protectiveness and freedom. It still gives me chills thinking of what my family went through in the early days, but they knew me well enough to understand that, once I was out of immediate danger, I had to be allowed my freedom, and all the mistakes which come with it. My son drew the line when he turned up unexpectedly to find me on a ladder pruning the apple tree.

    I hope your dad can start to loosen the reigns as time passes, and that by doing so he'll start to feel less fearful and share more enjoyment in your mum's progress.

    Best wishes to them both, and to you Hendy. Cat xx

  • Thanks, you saying you got cought up a tee pruning reminds me of my dad, he had polymyalga quite bad at the time could hardly hold anything yet mum came home from church to find him on the shed roof refelting it!! He got a roasting of mum, lol we do remind him of this when talking about mum and letting her do things, but in his mind it's different. I tell you my parents are as bad as kids lol

  • Hi Hendy

    I think a lot depends on how aware your mum is. About this time frame from my injury I was getting very very agitated because my husband was following me everywhere.

    Even though I knew it was concern for my safety as I was leaving gas rings on, front door open at night and all sorts of other risky things. I wasn't a happy camper.

    You can download the leaflets from Headway that might help you all understand and if there is a local Headway group to you it is definitely worth a visit.

    Your dad is probably still reeling from the shock and changes to your mum not to mention trying to cope with the unknown of the unruptured aneurysm .

    Sorry I can't help with that aspect .

    Love n hugs

    Xoxo

  • Thanks it's just good to be able to talk about it, mum has her MRI scan today so I can have a quick chat with dad about how frustrating it must be for her to be constantly refrained from doing things. I decided I need to say something I know why he doing it and I have to stop myself at times coz I just want my mum to be safe, but i resist the urge as she needs to be herself in her own way.

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