Placed my first post yesterday. Thanks to all those who responded. My problems were over 32 years ago. I won't say that that things were primitive back then but it was almost the 'dark ages' as far as knowledge and technique goes.
I was nieve post operation, but maybe that was to my advantage. When told of the possible outcomes I easily dismissed these as, they have to tell you this but a neurosurgeon wouldn't carry out an operation if they thought it would go wrong.
When I went into hospital for the operation it was not as an emergency admission. I walked into the admissions department and signed myself in.
I had time to prepare myself between the third hemorrhage and admission. I was relatively young, nieve and probably strangely arrogant. I really didn't think that anything would go wrong.
I was in hospital for three months and my level of attainment was very low. After discharge just before Christmas 1984, I felt that it had been easy and nothing had gone wrong. Prior to the operation I had worked as a 'Working Jeweller', a jewellery repairer, a job I had done since leaving school at the age of fifteen. Within the first few months I thought nothing was wrong and returned to work against the prevailing advice.
Within a few days it became apparent what I had risked and what I had lost. I was unable to do my job.
It is at this point that my personal experience may become relevant to other SAH/TBI suffer’s. The general consensus of opinion was that I was lucky to be alive and should accept how I was at that time. I felt that what's wrong with everybody I not blind or paralysed or in a permanent vegetative state 'Why is everyone trying to pigeonhole me as what they think I should be?'. It was at this point that I became stubborn, I wasn't going to what everybody thought I should be, but what I knew I could be.
It was then that I made a very important promise, to myself. It wasn't important what others thought I should be, I was going to prove what I could be. The promise I made, I would always strive to achieve the best that I could. If I achieved even minor goals, these would major achievements in the context of what I had survived. If I failed to achieve goals, then I would rate hoa important it was, anything of importance was worth fighting for.
At the beginning even simple things were difficult. Ask me what 2+2 was I would say 4, ask me what 2+3 was and I would struggle. This was ridiculous for a 28 year old. So the promise became Very Important, I would continually set myself new goals. I had been told that I would make great moves forward in the first 6 to 12 months, slow progress in the following 2 years and not expect much following that.
Many people were telling me to accept what I had, which I very nearly accepted. Then I thought I had to prove what I could achieve in the first 6 to 12 months or next couple of years. If I didn't do that I may look back in five years time and never know what I could have achieved if had put in more effort. I was going to do things for myself and only I could judge the value of my achievements.
YES, this was arrogant. But an arrogance born in very exceptional circumstances.
I soon felt this arrogance wasn't acceptable and that if I even act close to that I had to act in the best interests of those around me even if that wasn't necessarily what I wanted for myself. I have been extremely fortunate in the support I received and I hope I have kept the promise I made to the people who supported me.
I hope people find this post useful. If my experience is useful to anyone please feel free to contact me.
I will sign off by giving my best wishes to anyone who is struggling with the after effects of SAH/TBI.