Neuroman 84 - Update

Placed my first post yesterday. Thanks to all those who responded. My problems were over 32 years ago. I won't say that that things were primitive back then but it was almost the 'dark ages' as far as knowledge and technique goes.

I was nieve post operation, but maybe that was to my advantage. When told of the possible outcomes I easily dismissed these as, they have to tell you this but a neurosurgeon wouldn't carry out an operation if they thought it would go wrong.

When I went into hospital for the operation it was not as an emergency admission. I walked into the admissions department and signed myself in.

I had time to prepare myself between the third hemorrhage and admission. I was relatively young, nieve and probably strangely arrogant. I really didn't think that anything would go wrong.

I was in hospital for three months and my level of attainment was very low. After discharge just before Christmas 1984, I felt that it had been easy and nothing had gone wrong. Prior to the operation I had worked as a 'Working Jeweller', a jewellery repairer, a job I had done since leaving school at the age of fifteen. Within the first few months I thought nothing was wrong and returned to work against the prevailing advice.

Within a few days it became apparent what I had risked and what I had lost. I was unable to do my job.

It is at this point that my personal experience may become relevant to other SAH/TBI suffer’s. The general consensus of opinion was that I was lucky to be alive and should accept how I was at that time. I felt that what's wrong with everybody I not blind or paralysed or in a permanent vegetative state 'Why is everyone trying to pigeonhole me as what they think I should be?'. It was at this point that I became stubborn, I wasn't going to what everybody thought I should be, but what I knew I could be.

It was then that I made a very important promise, to myself. It wasn't important what others thought I should be, I was going to prove what I could be. The promise I made, I would always strive to achieve the best that I could. If I achieved even minor goals, these would major achievements in the context of what I had survived. If I failed to achieve goals, then I would rate hoa important it was, anything of importance was worth fighting for.

At the beginning even simple things were difficult. Ask me what 2+2 was I would say 4, ask me what 2+3 was and I would struggle. This was ridiculous for a 28 year old. So the promise became Very Important, I would continually set myself new goals. I had been told that I would make great moves forward in the first 6 to 12 months, slow progress in the following 2 years and not expect much following that.

Many people were telling me to accept what I had, which I very nearly accepted. Then I thought I had to prove what I could achieve in the first 6 to 12 months or next couple of years. If I didn't do that I may look back in five years time and never know what I could have achieved if had put in more effort. I was going to do things for myself and only I could judge the value of my achievements.

YES, this was arrogant. But an arrogance born in very exceptional circumstances.

I soon felt this arrogance wasn't acceptable and that if I even act close to that I had to act in the best interests of those around me even if that wasn't necessarily what I wanted for myself. I have been extremely fortunate in the support I received and I hope I have kept the promise I made to the people who supported me.

I hope people find this post useful. If my experience is useful to anyone please feel free to contact me.

I will sign off by giving my best wishes to anyone who is struggling with the after effects of SAH/TBI.

Neuroman84.

2 Replies

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  • Brilliant post neuroman.

    I think the key points you make are really good.

    If I may paraphrase

    1 being lucky enough to be aware of what you lost.

    2 being responsible enough to set your own goals and develop strategies to achieve them.

    3 being determined enough to achieve them

    And finally being capable of and willing to accept help.

    If life is a journey that requires work then life post brain injury is a whole new journey that needs more effort but the rewards are so much sweeter for it.

    Love n hugs

    Xoxo

  • I completely understand what you are saying and very well said.

    I had my SAH 18 months ago and just because I look ok everyone assumes that I'm 100% fine , however I struggle with quite a lot of things and trying to adapt to different ways of coping with them so that it is not shown and especially in the workplace.

    I also feel because of others lack of understanding and awareness of the after effects, it's difficult to explain to others what is actually wrong and even after 18months I'm still recovering.

    I have my own YouTube channel where I have posted a few videos of my experiences and my recovery to try and relate to other patients that have been through something similar. If you get a chance please watch and share.

    Part 1

    Part 2

    Part 3

    Thanks

    Kavib

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