Slow reactions

So it's that time of the night,I've already been in bed an hour and I'm replying the day.. today was a bit difficult and I'm thinking what I should have done, should have said! My two year old at softplay, playing with a younger boy then seemed to climb on top of him. To which his mother starting yelling at me to get my boy off her son. She got there first, pulled them apart and started yelling at my son! Ido t know exactly what happened, it was all very quick but I should have said something like don't yell at my son, I'll discipline him! I later got a message of a friend, who's sister was there too saying this woman totally over reacted. Great, but now I'm thinking more about how I should have stood up for him not just grab him and we left straight away..

12 Replies

  • Gosh, how many of us have wished we had handled things differently many times ? One often thinks of a better reply a few minutes too late.

    Try to be kind to yourself and try not to over analyse things too much (I'm good at That )

    Enjoy your sunday :-)

  • Ps. Similarly slow reaction but different (single) on flight home from holiday recently was delighted to have a young off duty pilot sitting next to me....after take off he turns and says " can I get you coffee or anything ??" .....

    I'm really sure, ten seconds later that my answer should NOT have been " no thanks, I'm fine"....... d'oh !!!! At my age I should know better !!

  • First I am very sorry you had this happen. It must be very upsetting for you. For me I find this kind of thing happens quite a few times too and is upsetting. The slow reaction is kind of like seeing things happen outside of myself. I'm observing things happen, but can't respond as quickly as I'd like to or at all. It's kind of like - wait I need a time out here so I can figure out how I can deal with this. In the meantime everyone else is reacting and taking action. And I 'm going "what the hell" is going on in my mind? Just wanted to let you know I understand. Be kind to your self, you're doing the best you can, given where you're at in your abilities today.

  • Thank you xx

  • It's a rotten feeling when you replay unpleasant stuff and think of all the smart replies you could have come up with.

    I was in a line of traffic yesterday and, after my left indicator had been blinking for quite a while, the traffic moved on and I started turning left. I narrowly missed a cyclist (lycra & all the trimmings) who was trying to pass me on the inside and who screamed 'You ******* stupid bitch ; you nearly wiped me out !'

    If only I'd had the presence of mind to remind him that he'd just broken a cardinal rule in the highway code I might not have festered for days. Hindsight really is a wonderful thing !

    Hope you're feeling better today Katy. xx

  • I hate bikers/trucks who feel they own the road - yes I try and make sure I'm in the right according to the Highway Code at all times! I've felt better - there was another incident today with my elder 4 year old and an autistic child who wouldn't leave him alone :-/ getting a bit fed up of judgmental mothers! I try my best with my kids, as I do in all aspects of life! However I did have a heart to heart with my hubby last night giving me a bit of a confidence boost so I'm definitely trying to hold on to that! I hope you've had a nice day Cat xxx

  • Better than yesterday with no traffic incidents! 😜 Xx

  • Part of it is just different parenting styles, Katy, children don't obey the same social parameters we set, and different parents have different ways of working through that. (My sister-in-law once ripped into me for telling her daughter 'No!', with a blithery-nonsense "We don't tell her 'No', because it's negative!"- I'd told the over-entitled little madam 'No!', because she was pulling my dog's tail, and then decided to go with "India, if you pull the dog's tail, she might bite your face off, and then you'll have no face.", with a sweet smile...)

    Don't pull yourself apart, children are demanding WITHOUT brain injuries impeding our processing speed, and, if nothing was on fire, you didn't need to react instantly.

  • Hindsight's a great thing! I wouldn't keep mulling it over, it says more about the other woman than it does you....she shouldn't have been shouting at your son. You however were calm! xx

  • I think that's the thing - slow reactions means I don't stand up for myself at times when appropriate, but to not stand up for my son?! :-/ thank you though xx

  • My rule of thumb is to respond kindly. Specifically avoid jumping to conclusions - finding out from the children what was happening is a good starting point! Using descriptive language such as 'Ben you were on top of X and I was worried that might be hurting him!' This gives a good example to your child of how a grown-up behaves and pointedly does not start simplifying the situation into right and wrong but rather recognises that someone is upset and this needs to be ( and can be) addressed.

    It is unfortunate that in English the phrase 'I hate' is now common parlance when it is so inherently alienating... Not taking it personally and being other centred usually results in a very positive (though sometimes lengthy) interaction. Of course talking it over with one's own child afterwards (if they will) is very useful too - but they tend to quickly move on/forget at that age.

    As mine were at Day nursery when these things happened it was usually the nursery nurses who intervened and they knew both the children involved and were fair and sensible. My son had a friend who was volatile and resorted to violence and learned to manage him - and we would discuss this sometimes when he mentioned an incident. This lad went through a challenging period after his sister was born and I remember discussing that with my son when he was 3! (He was/is unusually sensitive and observant).

    And when an incident happened that did go pear-shaped we would discuss it afterwards and agree on what would have been better!

  • Thank you xx

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