What am I?

[Capewell]

I had a brain injury back in 2001, I spent many years doing rehabilitation and then trying to deal with the symptoms I was left with. After meeting my now wife I have now been able to get things diagnosed and things put in place (eg medication, copy strategys). I now found a job that I can do that I really enjoy, but I have one problem. 

I know I hide behind humour to try and cover my anxiety and insecurity. The problem is that I don't know I am doing it half the time. It makes me look like an idiot and when I think back after what I have said I just feel ashamed. I try to keep an eye on it but it's hard when you don't realise your doing it or even why. Then it's not help that when questioned why you did it and you say you don't know they think even worse of you. 

Sorry for going on but just need to figure out who I am now. 

[MXman]

Hi Capewell 

I completely understand how you feel as I too had/have a few problems with the "saying it how it is" problem and still do. Especially to my family I can appear rude and sometimes quite obnoxious but I didnt think it was a problem. I had my first counciling session with headway 2 weeks ago and my second today which has been a revelation for me especially the first one. I connected back with my emotion and love which I completely lost due to my Bi last year, frontal lobe injury. I wold really recommend the headway councillors they are fantastic.

I understand the humour too as I love humour and I'm always exchanging banter with my kids and wife and work colleagues but sometimes its a facade to how I'm really feeling. We have to be honest with ourselves and get talking properly with people who know how we feel like on this here forum. Its really helped me with understanding my Bi and what was going on with my thinking.

You are in the right place for a rant so rant away and welcome. Nick X

[Capewell in reply to MXman]

Thanks. The problem is I don't really know how I feel and haven't since the accident. 

Although yesterday I had a strange feeling of a empty small space in my head and I can't explain but it felt lonely and sad. 

[Elenor3 in reply to Capewell]

Feeling disconnected from the world is really tough when everything / everyone around you seems to be going on as normal but you know it isn't - and you're a bystander in amongst it all. To feel sad about it is a natural reaction, it's all very confusing. I agree with Cat....try to access some kind of CBT/talking therapy with someone who has experience of brain injury. Good luck x

[cat3]

Maybe you could consider CBT ?  A fully qualified Cognitive Behaviour Therapist can work wonders for all types of inappropriate behaviours.

Using humour as a coping strategy is noble up to a point, but not when it dominates your personality.

Why not ask your GP for a referral ; there'll be a wait but, in the meantime, you'll know there's a light at the end of the tunnel.     Cat x

[sospan]

I wouldn't worry too much the humour is just another "coping mechanism" and can be overcome with time.

In the early days when I used to talk to someone,  I used to get anxious and while I would be jabbering away there was a little voice asking myself am I making sense or are they listening?  etc. I even went through a phase when I felt there was another one of me, standing looking at us having a conversation.

The good thing is you recognise the problem so that must put you a long way down the track to remedy it.

All the best