For those of you that don't know, Corrie are running a story at the moment about a character with a head injury who is starting to show signs of anger years after a head trauma. He'd been fine for years and it was barely mentioned, but that's another story...
Anyhoo, I had to walk out of the house last night, just left, walked in the rain for an hour. As mentioned on here before, we've had issues with our ten year old for some time now, no boundaries, only bothered about herself, etc, etc. Well yesterday it just got the better of me. Three hours of completely ignoring me, not eating tea (she weighs the same as a fruit fly) not doing anything we told her to do, along with the incessant,
'I want, I need, I won't, I don't care' etc'.
There was more too, that I can't put on here, but anyway, I upped, I left. The Baroness tore seven shades of brown stuff out of her after I walked, apparently. Child was mortified that I'd gone, she said but nothing goes in, nothing. I just had enough and walked before somebody came to a grizzly end, her or me.
Like I said, I've gone all Coronation Street
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Ten year olds eh ?? I have two boys and remember those years fairly well - and I was on my own with them - two against one was not good. It was well before BI and I still used to sometimes walk out and leave them - it was them or me! - usually jumped in car and drove down the road and simmered down for half an hour or so. Sometimes I would phone to see if they were ready to apologise or to try and talk sense into them .... I think all parents - BI or not - go through a some of these times .
Hope things improve ( though at 10 I would suggest you plan ahead for strategies to cope with the teenage years ) . I love the fact that my two even got to 23/21 ....
I know, the stress of confrontational issues is so hard to deal with with a BI. It was probably best you walked away, that will have helped make her realise what here have our does to you xx
Those t-shirts printed" It's all about me" just show that it is common. It's too easy to make excuses for her but she's just hitting puberty and I know it's hard on the rest of the family when you get one playing up like that. I remember having a long conversation with my eldest daughter when she was 8 about how her behaviour would eventually mean she would have no friends. Not an easy one and she cried a lot, but she still remembers it and is happy now that we had it.
Never had many problems with my daughter but after my divorce my son went off the rails. Problems at school, then later on got in with a bad crowd who, basically, used him as he was the only one working full-time & had his own car.
I was in the middle of cooking fish & chips one night when I couldn't take anymore. I turned the burners off, grabbed my coat and walked out the back door into the night. Didn't return 'til midnight.
It wasn't fear of what I'd do, it was fear of what the stress was doing to my body.
There'd been a search party and my ex was there when I returned. I should have felt ashamed of myself but it didn't. It had been basic survival.
Love won through in the end ; years of patience & forgiveness paid off and I got back the very caring son who's now my rock.
There aren't any shortcuts Andy. Take it a day at a time and keep chucking love at her 'til it sticks ! Hard though. xx
Yes, but you know as much as us. The school refused to reveal what occurred as schools have a similar set up to doctors, patient confidentiality, and all that. They would only inform us of events if Hollie revealed anything dramatic, abuse, disorders, etc.
No, it was just her, on her own. Hollie reveals her feelings every minute of every day, she also reveals every aspect of her life, her friend's lives, butts into conversations, listens in on others, the child never EVER shuts up, I'm convinced she breathes through her backside most of the time.
In Sharon's words, everything has to be about Hollie, ALL of the time. And if it isn't, she makes certain that it soon will be.
She lives in Hollieland and there's not a lot outside of it
I know you've got curfew but has Holly got any pets which she alone is responsible for ? In other words something to distract her from herself.
We always had cats but still managed rabbits, hamsters and gerbils..............and I never had to feed them or clean them out ; in fact they took priority over everything else.
She hasn't but has had in the past. It makes no difference and to be honest, she smothers them, she can't leave them alone. Curfew has always been mine and has been for 15 years, 7 of them just myself and her. She's a timid little thing, hates noise, gravitates to people who leave her alone and follows me.
She has accepted two of the three newcomers, join the dots...
I understand. My kids learned early on that cats don't tolerate zealous humans. Our last beautiful boy, who we had for 19 years, would stripe anyone who touched him in the wrong place..............but, 'cause I was his 'special' person, I could tease him and play rough with no ill effects.
I've had a cognitively demanding day as had to travel to London for an apt so not up to much of a response at the mo except to say I totally comprehend the challenges with your 10yr old and how that pushes your ability to cope to the limits because it's ditto here with a 10 yr old. I can't walk/take time out though because its just me!! Will get my head together to respond more over next few days.
Hi Andy, is this a sudden change in Holly's behaviour or just a more magnified version of how she has always been ? Has she been evaluated for ADHD and similar ? x
Yes, she's always been like it. Hospitals, doctors, etc refuse to do any testing, swearing blind that there are no noticeable problems with Hollie. Yeah, right.
My son was evaluated and diagnosed as hyperactive. But all that achieved was having him sent in to what others called the 'psycho unit' at school ; kids can be cruel.
But he was allowed to leave early to start work. In that sense he never looked back & now has his own business.
It's hard work with a child with behavioural issues and if there's a clever way to deal with it I never found it. It's just seeing what each day brings & muddling through ! x
cat3 hyperactive or bored? i get the impression he wanted to be pushed harder to reach his full potential, but instead the educational system took the softly softly approach!!!
Spot on Steve. In fact the chief education officer suggested my son just 'Wait it out' 'til he could find his own way in the world because the school environment clearly just wasn't for him !
And he was right because my lad worked continuously for the next 20 years, never taking a day off sick (even when he was). He now runs his own thriving business.
baron probably teaching you to suck eggs but have you tried getting her to keep a food diary, children that age tend to eat a load of sweets and crap. does she have school meals or does she take a pack lunch?
Hi John. There's been a storyline where a character sustained a brain injury after a car crash. It's currently focusing on the character's anger issues and loss of emotional control.
thank you for that, but i do not watch any soaps or any negative fictional tv not good for my brain damage i have enough problems as it is ,in fact i have not watched tv for nearly 5 months now, just watch the odd bits on utube, i find that this helps me a lot, anyway how are you cat hope you are well
No I don't think you gone corrie at all, maybe good if you did till she got message. No idea if this the same sort of thing. I crashed and did my brain damage when my daughter was 13 and half. She turned into , well how your daughter is but can't put on here. I really do hate to say this but she's still the same and 19 now. Iv had the same anger problems as corrie but I have help dealing with it now. I don't know what happened to your brain, my child clearly needs counselling but has always refused it. She just won't speak of what happened and how she feels, she just not mature enough for that. It's best forgotten so it's not real. Iv realised as she got older it's me she angry with for all the change that happened when I did my brain damage. She never says that but as my brain has got better Iv started to read between the lines. Don't walk again, put a lock on inside of bedroom door and a tv and music system in your room. Lock yourself away and full blast your music each time. Don't let her bully you out of house, mine did that xx
As with your child she did originally have councilling with a number of people but just totally avoided them questions or just wouldn't answer them. She may be going through the same, lashing out is her way of telling you things are wrong in her head. Try lowering your voice and walk away. She will probably follow you and scream abuse louder. Iv learnt to just ignore till she calms down like a switch been pressed. Has no idea really of just how horrid she's been xx
candy8candy i think youll find its not you shes angry with,its the new you.
it must be very hard for a young person to realise the parent they knew and loved has now gone and this person, who looks like their parent ( but their actions and behaviour is different ) isnt .
as i said to baron, my daughter lives in dubai, she d probably get angry at me and vice versa.
Andy, don't know where you are, but I am now uphill. Any time you need a cuppa.... PM me and we can mert up. P.s. I have my two - boys, 10 and 12. Maybe it would help her to talk to someone of her own age about what it is like to have a parent who can't always walk, remember what day it is, or that they have promised to let your friend come round at the weekend, and who loses it without warning....? My boys flaunt my disabilities like some kind of badge at ti es, but a more sensitive soul might feel more challnged by it. Just a thought.
Anyway, you did the right thing. Best to leave a situation if you feel it is not going too well.
I'd love to say it gets easier. Well it does when they leave home!
Joking aside. My daughter had counselling, was diagnosed with ptsd, low mood, eating disorder, anxiety, self esteem issues.... It depended on what the specialism of the person seeing her was. Cahms was a places well known to us.
At college they were testing brain waves and found that her fight and flight and sleep were constantly running full speed. They'd never seen one like that on someone not severely ADHD. Explained why she's never slept for more than a few hours a night.
Hang in there Andy. Girls hit puberty kind of early these days. It will be a roller coaster for a while then it will quieten down a bit with the odd major outburst, interspersed with proper snotty crying. They care for you but don't know how to express themselves.
Just been reading through this thread and its difficult. My kids are Katie 15 (16 in July) and my son Charlie who's just 14. That are very good kids but I do on a daily basis have to apply patience and tolerance with them. If I didn't I would be walking out every day as I completely understand how you feel (well I think I do) and thats another storey.
For me sometimes I think (again that think word) they are adults and I try to talk to my kids like adults always have always had a fantastic sense of humour with them, then my son will say something that I think (word again) that crosses the line and thats it I'm on one about he has no respect for me blah blah blah. Im out the door or walking round the house like some crazed person. I know its me and I have to pause and do what I can to clear my head. I never used to be like it before Bi well a little but after the accident it got a lot worse.
Its a lot better now as iv learnt and improved my thinking but its still leaking there if I let it. Stay strong and it will pass I'm sure. Have a fantastic Sunday Baron. Nick
We'll get there, I'm sure of it. They're good kids, just adapting to things. Hollie will be fine, time and maturity is all it needs.
I hope...
Bringing up temperamental children - girls are the worst - tests even the strongest of individuals and their marriages (speaking from experience with 4 daughters!) - brain injury or not!
Sounds like you have done OK and are just developing strategies like all of us navigating through these difficult years. Lengthy visits to the bathroom or walks on your own - whatever it takes for peace & quiet! - stay strong together with the Mrs and you'll get through.
Awe sorry to read this mister but hang on in there, it gets better...well it did with one out of two of mine! Patience is a virtue. As I read your post I wondered if she was maybe having a little hassle at school, like suffering a little bit of bullying or something? Certainly hope not, as my eldest suffered every day...she was seemingly a snobby swot!! It was soul destroying and has changed her personality dramatically. Hang on in there and take your pc to the bedroom and get out of the way if it becomes too much! You sound like a great dad so here's hoping it's just a phase! xx
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