Hi
I was wondering if anyone ever feels antisocial! Before my bi I was a very confident,social person but now I'd rather stay at home. I know I need to get out and I do make myself but am struggling with this. I don't feel like me anymore.
Sorry, I don't mean to moan but I really want my old self back. 😢
Absolutely,
With me it is because I have to put so much effort into conversation, thinking of the words I want to say, is it a noisy environment? Are there too many people? Then I can't keep track of what's being said. I like a nice meal in a quiet restatpurant or the cinema, although then I have to wear earplugs cos it's too loud.
Just shopping on the high street can be a nightmare, people coming at you from every angle, and supermarkets! Don't get me going, no you're no moaning just wishing all as as it as before.
Best wishes Janet xxx
My hubby who used to run a company and thrive on networking and socialising now dislikes socialising.
If he is in a place where lots of things are going on or lots of conversation is going on, his brain just shuts down as it can't decipher one noise from another.
Some days he is able to chat freely other days just nothing to say. In social situations if he has to force himself to find something to say he finds it frustrating and is left fatigued.
We do go out but always find the quietest spot on the edge of activity where he can escape as often as he needs. But we avoid parties and big gatherings
Cinema is good as it is one source of noise and no need to converse
Outdoor is good as we can find space
Meals with people who understand the need to escape are ok
It isn't easy and the worst part is that will never really change, only our attitude to it can. His TBI was 2012 and it does get easier to accept but not back to how it was
We lost friends who couldn't come to terms with it but hey
The biggest hurdle is accepting the new you. Think about things you can do rather than those you can't.
Easy for me to say I know as I don't have a BI but I have watched my hubby's battle for three and a half years now
And it is ok to get up from time to time after all you are grieving for a person close to you that you lost.....
Sorry not sure if that helps? Hope tomorrow is a better day for you x
meowth had my abi feb 2012. id had 2 cateract ops , id just started looking for work..... had my sroke on the sat as my all clear to return to work was on the monday .
my change happened gradually....over a period of about 6months.....the swearing the aggression hating being around people i didnt know, the emotions.....for me thats the hardest......one minute laughing the minute tears rolling down my cheeks for no reason..can stand noise ......thats a trigger for me.
i think the hardest part for my wife is knowing what i was and seeing what ive become.......for me, im doing something not everyone can do......literally start a new life as a new me........
steve
Hi. Thank you for replying to me. Just knowing someone is there and understands is wonderful. I had my sah and also a stroke last April and am being told it is "early" days but it doesn't feel like that to me.
It's lovely talking to everyone on here, I'm so glad I found you xx
Absolutely not Judith - now off you go, as this is my quiet time lol ! : )) x
I think we can all crave solitude at times. I think in many of our cases, we use so much brain power having to take in and respond to outside situations, it leaves us exhausted and needing time out.
I love walking with my dog - just the odd nod/greeting to other walkers, my enjoyment of the green spaces and my own quiet thoughts for company. Walking at night is great as it is quiet too : ) Love sitting in my glider chair, in the garden ( weather dependent ! )Curling up on the bed ( often with a stuffed toy/soft blanket - how sad am I ! ! ) to watch a good film/listening to music etc. It is all fine and normal. I was never a socialite but can do the odd bit of 'musical gatherings' with plenty of quiet recovery time for fatigue afterwards.
A year and 8 months must seem like a long time to you but in terms of recovery, it is still early days and you have the rest of your life to continue to improve. Please don't feel you have to overly push yourself and make yourself feel uncomfortable in social situations because of other people's expectations ( family/friends ). Only you can decide on what you can manage comfortably right now. They need to understand that recovery is not like flipping an on switch - it is an ongoing gradual process. We often do not get back entirely to how we were but can reach a happy compromise.
Lovely to meet you,
Take care,
Angela x
Let me tell you Judith you are definitely not alone with this. Most folk here will concur that their sociability has taken a serious dive.
It's 4 years on for me and, if anything, I've become more withdrawn as time has passed. It doesn't feel like a negative thing for me, but I guess it can be a problem for those around me, although I'll always try to fit in when it comes to family occasions.
As Janet mentioned, it's mostly a problem with word-finding being so mentally exhausting, not to mention the physical exhaustion.
I have two or three good friends who 'get' the problem, and it's always good to spend time with those who accept us for who we are now.
Best wishes, Cat x
Thanks Cat. I know it's early days for me, just 8months ago that it happened but goodness me it feels like such a long time ago! I haven't quite understood why I'm like it really. I'm tired and can't make the effort a lot of the time and also I can't manage in a busy or noisey situation and not that I'd wish this on anyone else, it is so helpful to know that you understand. Thank you xx
Yes me too! I used to be a 'people person' but now I avoid social contact because its too hard to deal with and I don't seem to understand the expressed meaning of how things are said and tend to perceive everything as not being happy with me. I don't get the pleasure/enjoyment either - anhedonia. Plus the things Janet said and more!
Thank you for replying. I'm so glad I found this site and have you to talk to. Thanks again xx
Hi
I'm nowhere near as confident and sociable as I was pre BI, but I can manage situations a lot better now than I could a year ago. I don't manage to go out as much as I did and try to manage the situations. Also, if I'm in a busy place, I now move rather than letting someone try to have a conversation across other people. I too get frustrated and want to be back to 'normal' though I am trying to get a bit better a pacing myself to set me up for things I need/want to do, it's tough though when you've been used to just packing everything you can into life.
I hope that helps a bit.
Sue
Know exactly how you feel and even now coming up to 3 years I find I'm more anti social but again that is more my choice.
I used to be very socialable,outgoing and out a lot of the time when it suited me,
where now at times I want to go but know once I'm out I want to come home ASAP,i find socialising day times not so bad but nights forget unless I really really have too.....
I have days where I am chatty but eventually it wears me out and gets me frustrated and starts off the weird sensations I get....even to much noise and talking from others irritates me and I need to bite my tongue at times(not literally though....lol) which gets me into situations where I have to walk off or I end up arguing especially with people who just irritate me.....
Like today at work I have been on a Health & Safety,fire safety and ramp hazard airport training course which has literally drained me and started me off feeling strange.
Also the weather has not helped with my feelings today as its been really cloudy and now a huge storm has reared its ugly head so this time of the year my weird & not so wonderful sensations start in my head from my craniotomy and mastoidectomy ear operation.
In fact I tell people I am the weather forecaster before the conditions occur but it's not nice and makes me snappy and anti social even more!!!!
But I was not a person to keep my mouth shut before just that things frustrate me more nowadays like stupidity from others and rudeness,,,
Luckily I have some close friends who understand and we call it my sell by date when I've had enough.....
Mandy(**,)
Hi Mandy
Thank you for replying and your help. Can I just ask you (hope you don't mind!) how long was it before you returned to work? My employer said that they can't have me back until the hospital has given me the "all clear" because I wouldn't be covered by their insurance! Have you heard this before?
Judith x
Hi Judith
I started back to work 6 months after the op.....
Also a phased return to work for a 4 week period was given to me in fact it was slightly longer as I did not do nights and certain duties in my job role.
Also our company if we have to many absences due to work related problems affecting our health they refer us to the company Dr.
Additionally an employee will be referred to the Dr where there has been a frequent absence pattern.
Our company works with Bradford Factor Points System!!!!
To bloody complicated to explain and even read about....
Judith it might be well worth giving Headway a call because also I am not UK based.
Good Luck
Mandy(**,)
Hi Judith.
I dont know if this helps but I have found that I have to have a time out when in company. My immidate family are now used to this and I often have to take a " breather break" when I feel I cannot be in company.
Over the years these breaks have become shorter. I dont know why I have to do this but it feels at times I just cannot cope with socialising and have to take a rest on my own.
When you think about it its onky like a smoker taking a smoke bteak.
Hope this helps.
Pax
Hi Pax
Thank you for your suggestion, I'm going to try taking a little break like you mentioned. I'm hoping that may encourage me to go out more, knowing I can have "time out".
Best wishes
Judith
Hope it works. If anyone asks what I where I am going who doesnt know me I tell them I have given up smoking but still cant kick the habit of nipping outside.
It stops long explanations. Its technically not a lie......its just happens to be 10 years since I gave up smoking.
Knowing you have an escape route seems to help me keep in situations longer. I also suffer noise overload which doesnt help. But I really do know what you mean about having to withdraw into yourself.....this is not being anti social its surviving.
Surely if we were truely antisocial we would never go out?.
All the best and remember you ARE very sociable.
Pax.
Hi Judith,
Yes thats me too. Iv never needed much social stuff before Bi but really enjoyed the Moto Cross meetings and practice because its where I could chat freely about riding and all the other life stuff but now I struggle. I really have to concentrate on conversations and it drains me it is getting better though. Im having to dig deep and concentrate on what I can bring to the conversation instead of thinking what I can get out of it. Great to see you here and haver a fantastic Friday. XX Nick
Hi Nick
Thanks for replying and understanding too! This is so strange for me because I literally have to force myself to go out, when pre bi, I was always happy to go to new places etc.
I've got my fingers crossed that it gets better! 😄 have a great weekend.
Judith x
Sorry Judith but if you think in terms of getting better you're quite probably headed for disappointment. That's not as gloomy as it sounds though.
It's our handling of these situations which gets better in time.......... the ways round and through situations which we never had to consider pre-injury, but which we now rely on to give us our quality of life back.
That might be 'time out' as mentioned by Paxo or simply briefly explaining that any distant behaviour is the result of a BI rather than displeasure.
Socialising is a big event for me so it's infrequent. But with something I want to be involved in, I always make sure I clear things briefly with whoever invites me.
It then seems easier, and if I have to absent myself, or shut down from time to time, I've stopped worrying about how others feel...................we're all entitled to be ourselves so long as we're not hurting others.
Have a lovely weekend Judith, on your terms ! xx
Hi Judith,
I was 11, nearly 12, when Ihad my first few ops that lead to my BI.
I was pretty social before BI but post BI was a bit different. It was a bit of a stuggle to get through my high school with a BI anyway and I was quieter in speaking. Mainly keeping to myself.
The same sort of thing throughout college and after college is when I had no intentions of getting a job and decided to stay at home.
This is where I lost a lot of confidence and motivation and I was not a very social person at all.
2007 is when I joined my local Headway group and I am so glad I did. To begin with I was really quite nervous and was as quiet as a mouse. I would not say "boo" to a goose.
Over time I felt more relaxed and would speak more and I tend to speak more on the outside, to other people now :).
Do you go to any Headway meetings or any other social groups?
i think the term for me is misanthropic, i really find people small minded, narrow of purpose and annoying. apparrently its just the Bi talking, learn to live with it, accept and move on.
God you people are so annoying! lol, no seriously...
I think your feelings are quite normal don't worry about it
judithba everything you said i was a senior in a home for adults with mental health issues dealing with families and outside proffessionals........then my stroke.
i dont talk to strangers im rude aggressive swear constantly and only go out with my wife anyway judith , why do you need to go out when youve got us on here to yap to....bit of a bugger getting a biscuit !!!!
steve
glasgow coma scale
well just as things are on the up they come crashing down
Mobility
