Overdoing it!

Hi Everyone,

After looking at all the posts before Christmas about not overdoing it, I planned the Christmas period out very carefully. Unfortunately and as predicted, I overdid it with too many visitors and too much going on. I thought I could deal with it all!

I feel a bit sad now as I took most of my bad temper out on my husband, who could not do enough to support me during this time and make my Christmas as lovely as possible. I have always said that my personality has not changed since the accident, but I am really struggling with my temper and sudden change in moods- I know I need to talk to someone about it, but I am really fearful about creating a gap between myself and my lovely supportive husband. I know others have experienced these mood changes, but how do you control them without drugs!

Sorry for posting this rather depressing note, but any suggestions welcome!

Best wishes


17 Replies

  • yeah sometimes my hubby can be an arse! when hes fatiuged,but he always says sorry and we hug it out! have a chat with youre headway person,xxx

  • Will do- always say sorry too but Iwish I could just control these mood swings a bit better. A hug is most probably the best medicine.

    Thanks for your comments-really appreciate it.


  • This is a brief response for now as we are away - I also struggle a lot with irritability and getting angry and overspill of emotions of tears and upset and was not like that before! I dislike this personality change and the impact on my son. It was assumed to be depression so I was treated with anti d's for a few years but it made it worse. I haven't found the right help yet to enable me to better manage these difficulties but I am realising they aren't going to go away as caused by the frontal bi x

  • Thank you so much for the response- much appreciated and has made me feel less alone with this one.

    Best wishes X

  • pleasure and it may pass my hubbies mood is more even now.

  • Hi Annie

    Think of it as a learning experience.

    It sounds like when you plan what you think you can cope with.......just tear it in half and it might be manageable.

    You may well have a touch of what I think Malalatete calls false wellness.

    Love n hugs


  • Yes, I know you are right, but so difficult to do- I am some times just wish I had the old me back some days! I am learning, but sometimes the way in which this accident has changed my life just feels overwhelming at times if I were honest. Sorry, just feeling a bit weak and tired by it all at the moment!!

    I like the idea of halfing it all- could be doable for me.

    Thanks so much... X x

  • Annie darling

    While you are still learning to come to terms with it all.....

    If your bi allows you to do it ........create a timetable and make sure to put lots of rest periods in it.

    A diary will help you to keep track of how much you've done and when you get angry/frustrated.

    Please remember that every thing is a major achievement.

    And breaking tasks down into smaller manageable pieces with rest between each part.

    Above all be safe if you possibly can.

    Wishing you a much better time tomorrow.

    Love n hugs


  • Many thanks for your response. I have attended fatigue management at the hospital, but I am not very good at sticking to what I know I should do! I suppose the pain I am in with my head and neck/back isNt helping either-that is all being investigated further by my GP and hospital.

    Your idea of a diary is definitely something I will try and I will definitely contact Headway as well.

    Many thanks once again X X

  • Hi Annie-2,

    Thank you for your post regarding personality and behavioural changes after brain injury.

    Sorry to hear you have been facing some difficult challenges over the holiday period. No matter how carefully planned, the Christmas season can sometimes put additional stress and social pressure on individuals and their families, particularly when brain injury is involved. It sounds as though your husband is very understanding and it is great to hear you have a strong relationship and that he is being so supportive through the more difficult times.

    If either you or your husband would like some additional support or to discuss any of the issues you mentioned further, you are very welcome to call the Headway Freephone nurse-led helpline on 0808 800 2244. The helpline is currently closed for Christmas but will re-open after the holidays at 9am on Monday 4 January 2016.

    You can also email the helpline (on helpline@headway.org.uk) or leave an answerphone message and someone will respond when the team returns to the office.

    Many thanks and the very best wishes for the New Year!

    The Headway team

  • Thank you very much for your response. I will definitely speak to someone after the Christmas period.

  • Hi Annie.

    Yep same here. Planned a sort of quiet Christmas.....ok a full on family one but hey !

    Think I only managed two arguements/outbursts. Both times was told to chill a minute...oh how my family know me.

    They were right of course. I had a moment to calm down appologised and tried again.

    May be I am not getting better but my family are.

    Have a good new year.

    Pax .

  • Many thanks-think your right! Best wishes

  • Hello Annie,

    Been there, done that, got the T-shirt (which doesn't fit, and I HATE it!)

    I'm irritable, I was 'before', but now I'm on a pretty constant hair-trigger, and it's exhausting. The way that the woman at the next desk at work slurps her tea makes me want to throw her out of the window about eight times a day, and I genuinely have to leave the room when the husband eats, because the troughing noises he makes nauseate me. I'm hyper-sensitive to sounds, and certain types of light, and some smells... I'm an absolute nightmare. Things that used to be 'normal', like getting on a bus, or going to the supermarket are utterly overwhelming for me, and 'people' think I'm just being miserable for not joining-in with things...

    I know that the changes are in me, that the woman at the next desk has always made a noise like a caravan-sink-drain when she drinks tea, she thinks that's how you drink tea... The husband has always been a useless, spoiled brat of a thing, and he thinks that the pixies pick up his dirty socks, and used plates during the night- it's not, it's me, up at 3am, shuffling around the house finding things to be annoyed about.

    You're not on your own with the mood-swings is what I'm saying. I 'manage' mine by acknowledging them, sometimes writing angry-frustrated blogs, and then looking back, and calling myself a fool, for being annoyed at THAT BIT OF LETTUCE ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR. When I notice I'm getting irritated, by someone, or something, I ask myself if I can do anything about it, if I can't, I focus on my breathing, because THAT I can control, if I'm still irritated, I leave the room, because *I'm* the problem, not the tea-slurper, or the husband that sounds like a warthog when he eats.

    Eat well, sleep well, treat yourself well, understand that everyone has moods, none of us flatline, it's just that some of us with New Improved Brains are now a little bit more sensitive to, well, pretty much everything, really.

    I'm almost a year into this brain-injury thing, and I'm firmly in the predict-and-prepare stage, rather than the fallout-and-fix. I'm more tetchy the third week of every four, and when I'm unwell with something else. 'Stress' doesn't really bother me, but tinsel REALLY bothers me- tinsel doesn't bother anyone else in the house, so I'm having to put up with it....

    I'm rambling. Best wishes to you and yours.

  • It is VERY reassuring to know I am not alone!!! What you describe is exactly how I feel- writing things down is something I will have a go at.

    Thank you SO much

    Best wishes

  • Hi Annie

    Sounds like you have a wonderful husband and that you are very aware of how your moods can change.

    My son had a SAH and and his mood can change quickly when there is too much going on.

    We had a long, honest chat recently about how we both felt which helped us understand each other a bit more. We were able to talk about things that trigger the emotions and possible ways to reduce these triggers.

    Sometimes it's hard to talk but it helps so much.

    You take care xx

  • My OH made a comment to friends the other day about having to walk on eggshells around me, and I know this is true, especially when I am expected to multi task (eg cook) or cope with my sons for too long (eg when they are on holiday from school) so Christmas has proved to be rather difficult and finished up with 3 days in bed for me as I crashed completely. I am 5 years in with my neuro condition and it hasn't got any easier - although the highlight of my Christmas was breakfast in a hotel Christmas morning, so I might suggest, given I am about to have a surgeon playing about in my skull, which is hardly likely to improve the situation, that for next year we just plan to go away!!!

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