Xmas day 2013 ramblings of someone unable to sleep

Im going to get all maudlin on you all now.

I had one of the best Christmas Eve's ever, a number of years ago, pre illness, we made a family tradition of going to the cinema on Xmas eve, somewhere to take the children and pass those hours that they find difficult to cope with before Father Christmas arrives and we have continued it with my eldest son and grandchildren when they were old enough to sit through a whole film without wriggling too much, this year it was The Hobbit, great film, then we went back to my sons for coffee then bought fish and chips coz we hadn't eaten

To cut along story short, I finished wrapping and Xmas stockings just after 12 and here I am in my wakeful slot at 5.30,with my mind buzzing.

So, my husband is sleeping peacefully beside me and I have been counting my blessings.

This illness has taught me so much about myself and others and about life in general, I used to think I was a pretty together sort of person but this has taught me( finger down throat time) humility, patience and the true meaning of living each day as it comes.

So, 2014 is the year I truly " don't sweat the small stuff" no point, life has a way of rearing up and biting you anyhow. Every day will be appreciated and if it's a bad day, I will ride it out til the next good one. I have become acquainted with so many inspirational people through this site, I was much shallower before. I have learned a lot and am privileged to have learnt the lesson.

I watch all the trauma programmes on tv and am horrified when I see what some people endure, too late it came to me that I should have been a paramedic, I would truly love to help people cope with their tragedies, I can only send my love out to all those that fight back to normality.

So yet again, to those that read this, sorry, it's a bit long, but as I've said before writing is cathartic, it matters not if anyone reads it, I just need to get the thoughts out of my head to allow me to sleep.

Merry Christmas all, and I hope 2014 is kinder to you and your families, you deserve it xxxxxxxx


30 Replies

  • Merry Christmas to you too, Janet! Nothing wrong with a bit of a Christmas ramble. I might even steal your christmas eve cinema trip idea, after an eve with two, frankly, hyper children, next year it's either cinema or a Night Nurse trifle.

    So, yeah, happy Christmas, you have a great one!

    Andy x

  • Saw all the Harry potters that way, thing about yout kids getting older they're just getting up now, no more 5ams unless it's coz that's when they're getting in !!!!!!xxxxxx

  • hi happy xmas to you and Baron as welll Janet. I guess its better out than kept in so why not. I could do my best rambling in the middle of the night most nights. I spent 3 hours plus during the night watching a film based on a Stephen King novel and starring Pierce Brosnan but fell asleep on the settee before the end so good job i recorded it.Yes sleep comes hard when the brain wont switch off. Enjoy your day with your family.

  • Love Stepen King, read most of his novels, and like the way he won't let them mess up storylines when they make them into films. You know got a good idea I could read all the books again cos I read them pre illness and it'll be mostly like reading a new book, another bonus, oh my not enough time!!!!!! Love Janet xxxxxx

  • Sometimes sleeplessness can be a good thing. At least I can watch the Ashes live. Went to bed at 4 this morning so saw quite a bit. Switches the brain off too.

  • Janet, you've made me cry. In a good way!

  • Thank you TwoCakes, I only try to convey my emotions, I do genuinely feel blessed, strange isn't it, life has changed very dramatically for me and I'm lucky to have retained all I have retained. I read your post and you are doing good work, more help is needed in this area, I am guilty, as are others I suppose, of not realising the plight some people find themselves in and now I have my limitations and am unable to help to the extent I would like.

    I am also lucky to have a very supportive husband and family, if I didn't have them life would be so much harder.

    I hope this year brings all you can wish for and look forward to reading of your progress with your work, good fortune be with you xxxxx


  • Just waiting for the family to descend, then off to my son's for dinner.

    Love to all of you. Hope it's a good day & that 2014 is a good year. Cat xx

  • Have a good time, love to you and yours xxxxxx


  • Well, Santa brought me a fiancee this year :) All's good here!

  • Fantastic, congratulations, you deserve the happiness xxxxx Janet xxxx

  • What a great gift! I send you the very best wishes for the future too x

  • Thanks very much indeed!

  • Clever Santa! Congratulations! I hope you will be very happy together. Don't forget to let us all know when the big day is because 'the ladies' will need to get their fancy hats!

  • Will do! :)

  • Congratulations Andy. I'm really pleased for you & hope you'll both be very happy.......you SO deserve it. Love Cat xxx

  • Aww, bless ya! Thank you sweetie xx

  • Hi Janet, As you say "this illness has taught you so much" I think those words reflect how many of us feel on this site.......well said

    I and family had a lovely Christmas Day at our home. I was truly exhausted after lunch, but I kept on going hoping to sleep through the night just like my two year old grandson......no such luck though! I'm Still doing the "night shift".

    I wish you all the best and lots more....Happy new year 2014

  • Hi Janet,

    You refer to your post as a ramble. I feel you have put down in words what is probably in most people's thoughts, especially at this time of year. As one year is about to come to a close, a new one is on it's way - time for reflection and a reassessment of our situations.

    Wishing you a very happy 2014.

    Take care.

    Carole x

  • Thanks Carole, hope 2014 works out well for you xxxx Janet

  • Thank you so much. I have taken early retirement from my employment, so I am hoping to do some of the things I never had time to do! Plans to move to Scotland on the cards.

  • Well done, I'd love to move too, but down south nearer my eldest, I've got dreams of us all buying a small holding with separate accommodation so we each have our own front doors and I can help with the chickens and pigs and things, growing the veggies oh, and the grandchildren of course, I'm retired now too albeit won't get my state pension for another two years.


  • What a lovely picture you paint! Have you got room for one more? I'd like a donkey or two please :) I won't get my state pension for several years. Good job I can be a canny shopper.

  • We can all dream can't we, I watch Escape to the Country on tv whenever it's on to fuel my dream. My eldest son has a 16 year old with learning difficulties and will always have IRS over her future so a holiday let business on the same site would be good, he does reiki healing too so a retreat would be good to run too, Chloe can help run that can't she?

    Oh the dreams I have!!!!!!!

  • Font know what that IRS is I wrote worries!!!!!

  • Just wanted to share my pleasure at managing to 'turn Christmas around'........from a dread to a really pleasant day. Without going into too much detail, I managed to manoeuvre the situation so as to be alone and be truly myself, which meant I could fully relax and enjoy time with my family.

    So it was a lovely day with my sister-in-law & niece plus my daughter, son-in-law and grandson on Christmas morning at my house...........then on to my son's & his partner's later, for a delicious dinner cooked by him, where I was very spoiled and not allowed to lift a finger.

    Today I made breakfast and took it back to bed with Tuesday's paper which I hadn't had chance to read, and now I'm expecting a visit from my God-daughter which is always a delight.........so I'm feeling pretty smug and very relaxed..........and I wanted to tell everyone !

    So nice to hear about your Christmas Janet & see you soon I hope.

    Love............and Best Wishes to all for 2014. xxxx

  • Sounds like you had a really good time, waiting for my daughter and family to arrive now, we had a good Xmas day, fun will start now with the 5 & 7 year olds and I've invited them all round tomorrow!!!!!! My daughter is staying at my sons this year to keep the stress levels to a minimum for me, bless, but all four children will be around this year plus the 4 grandchildren, this'll test my resilience won't it?

    Look forward to our meeting in the New Year.

    Keep up the relaxation xxxxxx Janet

  • Janet that was so lovey to read. I'm only 7 months on since my " head blew up" that's how I have named the event. Still trying to deal with not being back to my old self but very happy to be here with my family! xoxo- Niyani

  • Hi Niyani, I've been through all the emotions and was trying to convey to everyone that I hope I've finally come to terms with things, and now it's time to get on with the rest of my life before I turn round and it's gone. I know I'm still going to have the bad days but I'm determined to make the most of the better ones. Hears to you and yours hope 2014 brings you peace and joy along the way xxxxx Janet

  • how lovely to read everyones replies - despite all our various issues and problems xhat a great community we have here it gives me strength, even though I feel I've been to hell and back and you are all my family now, because mine have deserted me and you, I feel you all are hte family I need becquse we understand where we all come from. So thank you Janet for the courage to write the post and congrats to Baron C on engagement I wish you all a really good and better NEW YEAR in 2014.

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