My dad

Hi everyone

I am the daughter of a wonderful father who 10 weeks ago fell down 18 concrete steps onto concrete, he had a bleed to the back of the brain, then a week later another bleed on the frontal lobe. He is in a brain injury unit, he can't walk, toilet himself and often terribly confused. I am breaking my heart because he is often frustrated and angry with me, the old him was gentle, considerate and always kind. How do I manage this? I am sinking at the moment. Any advice would be gratefully received x

26 Replies

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  • Hi and welcome.

    Give it time....lots of time . Things will improve. It may be a difficult time ahead but things do get better.

    You may find answers or help on here and dont forget even the odd moan may help you feel better.

    Until your fathers injury settles down it is hard to tell just what lies ahead.

    Not exactly helpfull I know but just support your father. Also remember you all will need help to get through this.

    Pax

  • Thank you Pax x

  • Hi Pocketsize, sorry to hear about your Dad, he will be frustrated and confused, I remember after coming out of my coma, I was so disoriented, I had no idea why I was in hospital, just that I kept sleeping so much, I couldn't walk or use a toilet. I was tube fed too, very confusing.

    So bear in mind that just because he may be awake and aware of people round him his brain may not be making sense of it yet. So time as Paxo is crucial.

    It's amazing how the brain can recover, it may take some time and a lot of patience.

    Just bear in mind no two brain injuries are the same location and extent of that injury will have a bearing on the fecovery, and the rate of recovery varies individually too.

    Lots of love and support from you will help, being there when he wakes to reassure him will too, nurses are great but they are spread very thin in hospitals, I used to drive them mad when I had no visitors.

    Come back as often as you need, share whatever you care too, our shoulders are here for you.

    Speak to Headway on their helpline too, they are invaluable.

    Take care Janet xx

  • i agree with the last two comments,and welcome to us lot! and hugs

  • How awful for you all. But please keep in mind how relatives of people with a brain injury often go through this initial trauma of seeing their loved one confused and angry.

    I'm told I was angry and very deluded in the first few weeks after a bleed and my family were afraid that our closeness had been lost. I didn't even recognise my daughter (thought she was a neighbour).

    This shocking change in behaviour is widely reported after brain injury of any kind but isn't a true indication of what's to come. His brain is still healing and adjusting to its new status so this is probably the worst phase of his recovery.

    Hang on my dear ; your dad has much further to go before you'll see more positive signs but in the meantime try not to take his aggression to heart as it's a temporary stage, and very early days.

    All best wishes, Cat x

  • Hi there

    Shame. It's very hard to see your father like this.

    It's such early days at the moment. Try and get in touch with Headway, and join their support group.

    After you father has been to rehab, he should also join Headway. They did so much for me - the befriending groups, Physio, and Occupational Therapist. I now have confidence, and feel like a worthwhile person again!

    All the best!

    Debs

    😊😉

  • Thank you x

  • So sorry to hear this but as everyone is saying, hang on in there, it's early days but yes heart breaking at the moment. I wish you all the best on the road to recovery. xx

  • Thank you x

  • Not nice at all. As others have already said, it's phenomenally early days. Things will pan out over the next days, weeks, months and (sorry) years. I'm told I didn't know my name, had no idea of who my visitors were and that I was convinced I would be walking home. I live in Lincoln, I was in hospital in Germany.

    This probably isn't what you want to hear, but you have a long road in front of you, however it DOES get better, of that I'm certain. In the meantime, keep your chin up and talk to whoever you can, including anyone on here. That can only help. Get as much help and advice that you can. You are NOT alone.

    Very best wishes,

    Baron/Andy

    P.S Cat is still deluded :)

  • Thank you. X

  • Mmm..........that closing remark almost passed unnoticed. How very dare you sir !!

    I put it down to your raised temperature ; hope you're feeling a bit better. ;-/ xx

  • Hello, sorry to read about your poor old Dad. I've not been through the physical side of anything like other members here so I can't comment. What I can say is from a psychological point to which I feel I'm now a bit of an expert. Finding out you have a life changing medical diagnosis is nothing anyone can prepare you for. There's up's and downs, sleepless nights, anxiety, depression etc. The brain is the epicentre for every emotion possible and your poor Dad won't be able to control any of these emotions just yet. So don't take anything he says personally. I found the hardest part of my diagnosis as going from a fiercely independent woman to having to now ask for help and rely on others as being the most difficult thing to cope with. It's going to be a long road but you will all get through it. I've found joining this site very helpful as no one knows me and I can just ask away without fear of being told to "pull myself together" etc. You have come to the right place for support. I wish you and your Dad best wishes

  • Thank you ver much x

  • First I'm sorry you and your father are having to go through this. Also know he is not frustrated and angry with you. It is the injury causing this from him. He is frustrated and angry at the situation he finds himself in and doesn't know how to make it all right again right now. He is still wonderful and loves you, he's just not able to communicate that. Best wishes to you both in his recovery.

  • Thank you very much x

  • Hi! My Dad had a severe hypoxic brain injury last year and I remember the first days, weeks and months were the stuff of nightmares. The advice sent by others on the forum is very wise. Try to remember that it is very early days and you cannot know how your father's injury will settle based on how he is at the moment, and also don't think that you are not effective in supporting him just because sometimes he is frustrated and angry with you - you are familiar, he knows that you love him and your presence will be a massive reassurance to him. My Dad was very confused and frightened whilst he was in hospital and his brain was trying to put itself back together. Best wishes,

  • Thank you very much love x

  • All been said. Headway helpline are fantastic, don't hesitate to ring them they explain things far better than medics and more clued up about sources of help etc. And this bunch of people are pretty special.

    Patience needed and take it one day at a time. In my experience doctors are good at diagnosis but not so good at prognosis cause they often get it wrong. There are so many variables like attitude they can't assess.

    Accept help offered and try not to take your Dad's behaviour personally.

    Very best wishes Keep us posted.

  • Thank you x

  • In some ways the emotional stuff is worse for the loved ones, it does get better I promise! But it is still quite early days.

  • Thank you x

  • Hi Pocketsize,

    Love the name by the way, just been reading through this thread and wow as others have all said its really early days and time is what is needed here. Welcome to this forum and the fantastic knowledge it brings to many including me.

    Try and stay strong for yourself and your dad and it will get better. XX N

  • Hold on in there. Things will improve, but brain injury as others have said is complex and the healing process takes much longer. This community is exactly what you need at a time like this, so keep on posting those comments and sharing your thoughts and/or worries. We are all here with you and fully understand how you and your dad will be feeling at this time.

    Take care

    Lots of hugs X X

  • Welcome pocket. Very sad to hear what has happened. You have found a good place as you have already seen, so do badger us if you have questions, or come here to shout and moan and rant. And in the meantime, carry on supporting Dad as you have been doing, with love and determination. You are doing a fantastic job and helping his recovery enormously. Bravo. Take good care of yourself. Blessings x

  • My husband had a fall down stairs 4 yrs ago. So I know how heartbreaking it is for you. My children and I lost him that night. But there is hope, as people on this site will tell you. I care for my husband at home. He is not the man he was, but he can still make me laugh and nearly every day he will say he loves me and greets our children with love and pleasure when they visit.

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