I've said this before. ..

[debbie36a]

Not one bit has mark been interested in me as a wife for a long time

How do i make the youngest brother of a family understand this!

i just don't what I'd do without my daughter's

Im tired and have been tired for a long time.

I'm not his mother! All he wants is someone to take of him. . ..

[Hidden]

hi Debbie he wants to think himself lucky his has a wife, i've been on my own now for 14 years and if you would like to read this out to try and wake him up, i can understand how tired you must feel plus lonely, it sound as though he's using you like a mother looks after a son, your need better then this, i hope this helps you to know that your not on your own there are people like you on this forum, but you will have support from us to help you when we can, i hope things pick up, i'm here if you need someone to talk to i'm Alan its nice to meet you but for different reasons take care x

[StrawberryCream]

I know you have been struggling since Mark came home and I think today's anniversary has made the situation even more emotionally painful. Have you thought about seeing if there is a relate service near you because it sounds like you would benefit from talking to someone about the future for your relationship with Mark. If no service is near you then I think if you check out the website that they offer other ways of using their support. I don't think it is going to be good for either of you if you stay with Mark feeling that you have too and have no option not too because resentment with build and build. If you still feel you love him then you have to be prepared from the long difficult road ahead with this new Mark. I don't think he is being purposely unloving, demanding and unreasonable and probably has lost his insight into how his behaviour, reactions and responses affect you because sadly it is his bi. Bi injury is devastating and destroying for those living and caring for the person as much as it is for the person with the bi.

Thinking of you x

[paxo05 in reply to StrawberryCream]

Hi Debbie.

I agree with strawbs that you may need to see domeone from relate. Although explain fully your situation and the bi. They were unable to help us but passed us on to a local counseler who dealt with coping and understanding emotions as well as just marital advice.

I had to learn how to love agaon as it seemed a strange emotion for me to understand .

It was no instant cure but was definatley worth it. Once you decide if you really....and think about this....want to work through this then go for it.

Maybe Mark is better wtiting down how he feels even if it seems hard for him to describe just hive it a go. It may take several attempts for him to correctly describe how he feels so patience may be neefed.

Hope you find the right path for both of you. It may even take a trial seperation or a spell of rehab to kick start Matk...it did me.

All the bedt.

Pax.

[Hidden]

Don't give up, a counsellor, or Relate may be able to help. Re youngest brother, I recently wrote in explicit detail just what caring for my husband means after I got nasty comments from members of my family when we decided we could not attend a family event. Upset a few, opened the eyes of others. Won't change as they are too far away to help, but hopefully will help them understand why I have to say no to invites etc. Hugs. Xxx

[Sem2011]

Hi Debbie

some members of the family do not understand/want to understand/or help. We had no help from my family and it hurts. My son had more insight than my parents . Sometimes trying to make somebody understand uses soooo much energy. My partner and I struggled so much. It is just a suggestion , I found having people who were positive around me helped. if his youngest brother does not understand, he may not want to. A lady on this forum said exactly the same advice to me when I first had TBI. It is so true, I felt I was banging my head against a brick wall, but once I stopped banging, it was less frustrating. Use your energy on people and activites that help you in a positive way, not drain you in frustration. TBI journey is hard enough. Take your rusack off , ignore the brother ,well not literally and you find the rusack not so heavy. My partner and I went through a rough time, and we lived apart, but I promise there is life after brain injury.

As others have said I think you need counselling. I am not sure Mark is at that point, only you will know, but get help for you, a professional to help. My partner and I would not be here today if is was not for my neuropsychiatrist .

[neilhapgood]

Hi Debbie, I can't even begin to imagine how heartbreaking your whole situation is. People just can't see past the fact that if you can walk and talk you must be ok and otherwise there must be pill to improve the situation, or that you need to 'man up' and get over it. The role of other people in your life is such a big part of the recovery. I found it'd interesting what MW6MLJ said about how so e family members got upset about them not attending an event. People don't realise how much a bi needs to be factored into your day to day life. Equally I made me own recovery harder by thinking I could find a quick fix, it took me years to understand this wasn't the case. Sadly I didn't have an active headway group near me to access as this would have really helped. Like many others I have put a website together about my experiences, the page called foundations of sand looks specifically at these issues and you might find it of some help, this is the site address braininjuryftp.com I can only give you as much empathy and best wishes as is possible via a blog, your situation is desperately hard but try and give yourself some love whenever you can and stand back and realise how strong you are, no one knows better than us on this site the incredible strength you must have to be surviving your situation