Please help me

So two months ago my finance was electrocuted at work and was worked on for 12 minutes until he was revived. They told us his thalamus was damaged and didn't think he was going to progress it they did a test on him and pinched him and he moved. Since then he has started doing little things like kissing,winking, blinking, raising eyebrows, waving, squeezing hands,rubbing my pregnant belly,reacting to us playing around with him, talking small words and you can't really understand them, smiling, responding to things that he liked before the accident, and sticking his toung out....etc.... He is in a facility that does rehab and takes care of him and I was with him everyday and night for the last two months and had to leave to go have our 2nd daughter on the 28th of October. I just got out of the hospital yesterday and am going to take the baby to see him today. All I can do is cry and think why him? Why my girls? We don't know anything of his recovery or if he even will or how much. I need him to be here with me and our girls. And now I can't be there with him all the time because of the baby. I need support and need to hear other similar stories. Please I'm dying waiting for anything.

8 Replies

  • Hi Misshim

    You are among friends here. Whether we are the ones with the brain injury or family members we will do what we can to help.

    You have a lot on your plate right now. Call the Headway helpline and talk to them. The number is in a pinned post on this page or on the website.

    It is very early days for your partner. If you have other family nearby ask for their help.

    From what you say the signs are good that your partner is making progress.

    Sorry I've got no information on thalamus damage but I'm sure the good people at Headway can help you.

    Lovenhugs to you all and congratulations on the birth of your little girl.


  • Big hugs, take care of yourself and do call Headway .... also see if NCT may have some experience/help for you post natally ? Hugs x

  • What a lot you have to deal with no wonder you are crying, most women have baby blues but with the stress and worry too. You must be exhausted too.

    Glad you are seeing positive signs and responses, and your partner is being cared for and getting rehab.

    Headway helpline is wonderful resource. Ask for and accept any help you can get, families, friends, NHS, charities seek any support services, GP, health visitors, neighbours.

    Hugs to you and your baby. Keep us posted.

  • What an awful time you're going through, and just when you should be celebrating. I'm so sorry.

    I hope there are other relatives to visit your man whilst you are coping with your baby and her sister. You naturally want to be by his side but, as you must be elsewhere, don't beat yourself up.

    You can't afford to wear yourself out with the stress of wanting to be two places at once.

    You have to put the baby first for now, in the knowledge that your man is in excellent hands. Two months is such a short time in terms of recovery but it seems that he is responding well.

    When you've recovered from childbirth. is there a parent or relative who can babysit whilst you visit your fiancé. It's going to take some organising, but you must take care of yourself if you're to cope with such an unusual & demanding situation.

    My heart goes out to you ; I hope you find the strength and the support to get through this as painlessly as possible.

    Sincere best wishes to you my dear, Love Cat xx

  • Totally agree with Cat. You need to step back a little now and look after yourself and your children. Two months, day and night, being by his side is exhausting (as a carer I did the same for my son) but you cannot possibly keep up that level of support. It's still very early days and you may in time be able to develop a kind of routine whereby sometimes you are with him and sometimes when close friends or relatives can be with him. I literally drew up a rota system and, using an online calendar, offered 'time slots' to others. It gave me much needed rest occasionally. He sounds like he is in good hands. X

  • It must not feel like it, but you sound like you have been handling all this very admirably. Two life changing events in two months is an immense amount of stress. Your loving spirit does not seem to have been affected. Yes, you are grieving, but that is inevitable and overall healthy. You have every reason to simply put one foot in front of the other as you are doing and try as much as possible to deflect the stress related to the uncertainly. There is little that you can do to dispel that uncertainty right now, as long as you feel that he is in good hands; if you have doubts, then get help in understanding what other resources need to be brought in.

    If possible, try to draw peace and joy from your little ones, who embody all that is good and pure about you and your fiancé and all of us.

    Your fiance seems to be working at his recovery and progressing. I trust that with that clear motivation, the progress will continue.

    I hope that you will find a local support group too so that you can get face to face support and the benefit of what others have learned. When a serious injury or illness like this happens we are faced with so much to learn. The fact that you reached out to this group is a great sign that you already have this instinct to seek out help and support; doing so is a proven habit of successful people.

    I admire you and I'll be praying for you.

  • Hi Misshim,


    I was so sorry to read of your fiances terrible accident - it must be such a difficult time for you all, especially with the arrival of your new daughter .

    I will try, if I may, to shed some light on this area of the brain and perhaps a ray of hope on the recovery process.

    Here comes the science bit :

    The fact that your fiancee is awake, aware, responding to others, is showing he is able to control some movements and even trying to talk is, I feel, extremely good news.

    Other good news is that all parts of the brain interconnect, so a deficit in one area can often be made up for via other connections. Brains also have a special healing ability called Neuroplasticity : more science :

    So effectively they can grow new connections between cells to try and rewire a pathway to achieve a particular function.

    No one can say for sure just how much function will ultimately be regained and doctors tend to err on the side of caution but at only 2 months post accident and after the grim prognosis they gave at first I feel your fiance has already proved them wrong.

    I hope your visit went well with your new daughter and proved to be a stimulating and interactive experience for you all.

    Do not worry that you cannot visit as much as you would like to , he is clearly in an excellent facility and will be well looked after. I hope you can enlist some help and support for yourself, as a new Mum in such challenging circumstances. As others have said, perhaps consider a planned rota of visiting that will not be too exhausting for you.You need to remember to take care of yourself too, besides all your other responsibilities.

    Kindest regards, Angela x

  • Hi Misshim

    So sorry to read your post about your fiance but congratulations on the birth of your baby. Such a mixture of emotions for you.

    When my son was in hospital someone told me to live for the moment, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. That helped me so much.

    As someone else said, please contact Headway and hopefully they can give you some support and advice.

    Continue posting on this forum, they are a great bunch of people, all diferent but with a lot in common. Someone will always respond.

    Take care and keep in touch xx

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