Drinking to forget what I don't remember

[melissa85]

So we are still living together apart and it hurts. He loves a drink and I always have a couple but now I am taking over. It is not the answer!! What am I doing

[malalatete]

You won't forget love, just wake up with a sore head even less able to cope with the reality of it, I am afraid. That way lies only greater disaster.

Sounds to me like you are afraid to give yourself permission to hurt. Well, I will give you permission then. Go ahead, be hurt. Of course you are hurting, a love you thought was yours has died. That hurts like hell.

Don't try to cover this wound up. It needs air to breathe if it is to get better. But you must believe that it will get better in time. There will be soreness for a while, once it has started to heal it may become an itch, an irritation, and there may be a scar for years to come - but you will be whole again, just slightly different.

You said before you didn't want to be his pity project, which I do understand. But you perhaps need to think about whether you can cope with him on these new terms as a support person, or whether you would be better off cutting the ties as soon as you can - only you can know which of those will work best for you.

You will get through this.

X

[GT500]

Wow, you are having a tough time to put it mildly.

I'm truly sorry I can't offer an inspirational speech that'll clear the way forward or lend you a priceless idea but we're all only human, your problem is unique but has many similarities to all of us with a faulty noodle.

Fatigue, memory issues, pain ( physical and emotional ) and memory problems are my bugbears and some people have many more than me but we all linked by being humans it is in our nature to soldier on and search for answers.

It may take time but the answer is always there for the finding. When you do discover it let me know 'cause I'll be damned if I can find it.

Cheer up despite the obstacle. I suffer a great deal with my issues but my parents and carrot cake help me through it.

I'm going to be going to the headway meeting in Wrexham next month in the hope that some answers will be revealed to me and to meet other folks that live with noodle issues.

Take care.

P.S. I may have waffled here and there, my train of thought does wander but hopefully the message gets through.

[Jennaberri]

My relationship with my partner has gone, shall we say, odd since my TBI. Whilst I was in hospital my partner was amazing but when I returned home he became very different. He didn't understand my frustration and angry outbursts (which is understandable) and I would get irritated by him daily. Eventually I asked him to not stay so much and I would fins my own way. He went back to work and then left work to look after his sick dad. After his dad passed away he became more distant. We bickered whenever we saw each other so we stopped seeing each other for a while. We kinda missed each other and after he said he wasn't sure where his life was going or if he wanted to be in a relationship we decided to see if we could start again as friends. We have been getting along ok for many months but I feel like you do that I am a pity partner. I don't feel like his "partner" at all, I feel he feels he has to continue seeing me otherwise he'll look bad for bailing when the going got tough. However I have used the time to learn to like myself and have learned to enjoy me time. I feel liberated, yes I struggle with daily tasks but I do my best to conquer them and if I can't I call someone else for help. Yes I have criedused to sleep over the potential loss, but I have been mourning so many losses the past two years that the loss of my relationship seems futile. The TBI has changed life unrecognisably but I'm slowly learning to settle with my new life.

Just try and remember to be kind to yourself. None of this is your fault do don't blame yourself. Break ups are never easy, you never know it may all work out fine. You're not alone. Take care lovely x

[randomphantoms]

Melissa

I am so sorry and I know I'm not good at sugar coating things. My heart goes out to you.

Nothing will happen while you fester like this except it will get worse.

Ditch the drink and, with,a clear head, write down as many points as you can think of to discuss with your partner.

Go through as many possible responses as yoi can in your head to prepare yourself.

Talk face to face.

Don't make any decisions immediately after the discussion.... give yourself time to process.

The energy this is using is energy that you could be using to make progress.

Please for now let yourself be selfish and put you and your recovery first.

Hoping it sorts itself out soon for you.

Lots of hugs for you

Oooooooooooooooooooooooo

[Hidden]

Alcohol doesn't work; I self-medicated with all sorts of alcohol and I'm still depressed [with good reason, being an unwanted effect of Temporal Lobe Epilepsy of which I was unaware until recently].

People with BI's shouldn't drink - I still do, 48 years down the line but I'm sensible with it. No more than two pints usually - sometimes, just sometimes, a couple more. Once a week if that.

My missus doesn't like it but I don't go home and indulge in physical domestic disharmony although I might express my dislike of 20+ years enforced celibacy which is not of my choice. [If you're wondering I'm clean and tidy, don't smoke, dress well and look after my grooming as I have done in the 42 years we've been together].

I have a clean and tidy home, go home to a dinner in the evening and that's it. She watches TV downstairs, I read and listen to the radio upstairs in *my* bedroom and then turn in for the night.

She tells me off when my depression rises to the surface - I can't help it and I do try to control my actions as a result. I saw a private psychologist, hoping for some magic revelation, and was diagnosed as 'socially and sexually lonely.'

Sacré Bleu! I could have said that myself and saved the ackers but that wasn't good enough.

Do we go out together? Not if I can help it and it's separate holidays.

I went to Thailand this year and was told not to bring any 'disease' back. My reply of 'Well you've no chance of catching anything from me' wasn't well received. I wasn't even going there for the alleged easy ladies and this year I'm going again only this time I might just be tempted. What a decision to make!

She's had two holidays this year and paid for by me.

Apart from the depression the other reason I drink is because in a pub you get interesting companionship and although fleeting it does, in part, make up for not having any close friends and the loneliness of my home life.

I've outlined my lot so you can have an inkling why I like a pint or two now and again but now come the strong words of advice:

Alcohol solves nothing - set yourself a limit and stick to it if you can't stop completely.

Good luck to you and yours.

Paul

[BaronC]

Not much I can add to what has been already said here, but I'll have a bash. Before my tbi and in the year following until epilepsy reared its ugly head, I liked a drink. Not to excess, not every day, not alone, but purely socially. As soon as I realised it could contribute in ANY way to the seizures, I quit and I've been clear headed ever since. Ish

Now, I still go out on occasion socially to the pub, but only soft drinks for me. Now, with the advantage of clear vision, I can see what alcohol does and I don't miss it one bit. I'm proudly teetotal now and have been for years. I like to think because of that I can function in a way that's more akin to how I need to live my life with the baggage I carry.

Ditch the drink, have a look at life through clear lenses and try to adapt. You WILL get there, but not while you're self medicating.

Best wishes

Baron/Andy