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I'm just so confused about everything that's going on right now I just don't know what path to take! I make rash decisions I keep being told by people but I know I need to make some decisions and I'm scared of making the wrong decision even if it's something that I honestly feel is so right to do. I can't hold down a relationship I just can't it's about a year and 8 months since my TBI and I've been with my girlfriend for about 5-6 months and I just can't do it anymore! I don't know what to say? I just feel like I need to escape

5 Replies

maybe you need to do just that,take some time out for you,and maybe tap into some support from headway.give it time and if things feel right they proably are


1/ I can relate exactly to where you find yourself - little help to you but it is part of the healing process - you have my sympathies as it is a 'dark' time but it will pass as your brain starts to reconnect the pathways.

2/ Strongly advise not to jump about in relationships - no start or stop - when you are in this place - aim to keep the status quo in all relationships while you cant make decisions. Smile and say thank you if you are not sure. Half the time I didn't remember what they said anyway!

You wrote 'I keep being told etc'. The frustration of having to listen to others because you are unable to cut through to what matters. Do you write in your own diary? Ensure you listen to those voices you trust the most - if you don't know which ones they are - you must make a list of all the people - and sit with each one's name in your heart and either put a tick or cross next to each of their names - I trust them and will consider their help, or I will discard their advice.

Although your decision centre is not delivering, your emotional centre is doing overtime (while healing is going on, it is normal for certain things to be accentuated while others unresponsive - brain heals one thing at a time)- focus your emotions on the memories you have with each of the people - focus on a time when you were happy with that person - see the image, hear the sounds, taste the food, focus your emotional sensations - this pathway may or may not lead you to other pathways to aid decision making.

Incoming advice gets narrowed down to a few trusted voices to ensure they don't drown out your own decision making ability and inner voice. (its in there somewhere - you just have to trust it will return). Its a muscle which you must learn to use again - slowly - methodically - repetitively.

3/ Go to Headway website - Home > About brain injury > Effects of brain injury > Executive dysfunction. READ the whole page. You likely will not be able to do it all in one go and I would advise against skimming over it. Work with each section on the page over the coming days, by that I mean identify your strong areas and your weaker areas. Notice some things you can do well and some things you do less well or not at all.

Most of all have a lovely hot relaxing bath! If you have the money to get away do it, but if you are anything like I was, I didn't trust that my decisions would be good ones in new situations so I kept the situations to familiar ones and mastered those. I had a few instances where my innocent injured self was taken advantage of, financially, don't let that happen to you.

I walked twice per day for 20 - 30 mins, that really helped clear my head when uncertainty, mistrust and cloudy views were around.

I will say that I also went through a period where relationships felt completely different, like the link I had with other people just didn't exist. I knew I knew them, but the feelings for them which arose out of the memories I had with them had gone with the inability to remember experiences we had shared. Those closest to me were able to gently nudge me along the lines of - do you remember when.... and I would look blankly and say no? and then they would tell me the story and sometimes it would start to ... in the distance ... come back in to view...

Patience is your best friend. Have faith. Keep cool. Keep calm and carry on!

Wishing you a steady recovery.



Oh my gosh! You sound exactly like me! I struggle with the same thing!!


Yup. Just take things as they come.

Try not to be put in a situation where you have to make the decision. You are still very early days with you TBI.

For a new partner to completely understand you, will be extremely difficult. Maybe for now, you are better to just have friends! I would try explaining how you feel to your girlfriend, and if she is that special, she will understand, and just be friends with her for now!

I know it's easy for me to say, because I have got over my divorce, and now gone past the stage of needing anyone.

Good luck, and all the best!

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When I get stuck I pray, but I realise that isn't an option for everyone.

sometimes the old 'pros' anc 'cons' list can be helpful - onè side is always longer than the other.

Sometimes I write a decision on a piece of paper, stick it in an envelope and put in on the mantelpiecw. 48 hours later I check it again...if it still feels right it is probably ok.

If I am really not sure I do nothing....wait for inspiration. Anything which needs a quick decision usually sorts itself out.

Hope that helps x

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