After my TBI I am finding it extremely hard to stay In a relationship I feel like I'm trapped at times and that I want to be free not to sleep with people just free to be able to do what I want and have no worries! I'm only 19 and I do not want to blame this on my TBI but I just think I'm scared of commitment I honestly don't know what it is? But I don't know what to do? I'm really struggling and I don't want my girlfriend to be made to feel like she's been led on a wild goose chase, I just don't think I can be with her anymore

6 Replies

  • I think how you are feeling is perfectly normal, brain injury or no brain injury for a guy who is 19 and just starting to experience the freedom of life, and enjoy being young, and having the chance to be carefree with no responsibilities , choosing what and where you want to travel etc. I think most 19 year old guys are feeling exactly the same, some may want the stability of a long term relationship and have already found 'the one'. Perhaps you TBI , which in itself is a life changing event, and makes us realise how fragile and precious life can be that it has made you think twice.

    only you can decide if you want to continue with your girlfriend , but I believe if you are already questioning the relationship , you may have answered your own question. conversely, the TBI may be altering your thinking, emotions, etc etc. If you do feel you want to be free, as painful as it may be it would be better to end the relationship sooner rather than later. As you said, you do not wish to lead her on a wild goose chase. Hope this helps!

  • It's quite usual after BI to start reconsidering everything and seeing life from a different perspective. Our brain (the very essence of who we are) is changed so it's unsurprising that our needs will differ from what they once were.

    You are young, and your 'new' brain is seeing your situation through fresh eyes so go with your instincts for now. Though it may just be an experimental period, perhaps some space and the freedom from pressure will provide some answers to where and with whom, your future should be heading. And you have the luxury of time Huwbo............................................................... xx

  • Hi Huwbo,

    As Cat has said its perfectly normal to reconsider your life after a BI, I'm doing exactly that now and I'm 46 married with 2 kids. Iv had to change a little and accept I'm not the same person as I was, its difficult but its honest.

    The most important thing is that you are honest. tell your partner how you feel and I'm sure she will understand, its worth a try.

    N xx

  • I can only agree with what the guys have already said. After my TBI I realised that my wife wasn't the right person for me and my personality change meant that I wasn't the person she married anyway, so we divorced.

    Try not to over-think things regarding how others are feeling because at this stage of your long and slow recovery it's more important for you to go with what seems right for you. Be open and honest with your girlfriend and express how you are feeling, although I know it's difficult for a 'normal' person to understand us.

    Take care.

  • Hi.

    Yes as everyone is saying we come out off hospital a complety different person. For me I stayed put. We had a 2nd child following my Stroke in 1998.

    The doctors told us that this & other things (Walk, Talk, work & Drive) wouldn't be possible following my Stroke !!!

    Well my daughter is now 15 & I have ticked all of the other "boxes" it goes to show that their is "Life after Stroke"

    Please let me know if I can help you in anyway.


  • I felt the same fire my accident when I met my ex and I put him through hell, but I was confused how to behave with him as I didn't remember anything sexual 😱 but I was able to accept his reltionship and was with him for four years. But in the last 6 years when I've been trying to have a committed relationship with no luck, I don't no if it's me or if it's them not knowing how to deal with me, even tho I no longer have problems if that's what you can call it.

    I think if you don't feel you want to be with her then just be honest and tell her that you need some time alone to figure out where you want your life to go in the future, but you'd like to stay friends with her.

    Good luck.

    Lisa85 xxx

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