Desperate For Help

My husband suffered a Brain Aneurysm and a stroke some 18 months ago whilst he recovered and is very well he had no counselling and this has left his with some issues including some anger issues and frustration issues as he cant do what he used to do, This has now got to the point that he gets angry and starts to bang his head in frustration if he gets really frustrated on the door or on the table and I am frightened for his safety, his doctor wont do anything. I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do now I need to try to get him counselling an anyone help please.

14 Replies

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  • ring the headway helpline they will point in right direction and have a list of counsellers who can help,blessings

  • Many thanks, I will do that first thing in the morning, thank you so much x

  • pleasure

  • I'm so sorry for the struggles you and your husband are having ; all due to lack of aftercare.

    You need much more than advice from what you've described ; you need practical help from experts and, as Razy has said, phoning the Headway helpline would be a significant start. You can talk to them on 0808 800 224 after 9am tomorrow.

    Good luck in finding the help you both need. xx

  • Yes completely agree with Cat and crazy call the Headway helpline and them will point you in the right direction. Anger and frustration is an awful feeling to have but I'm sure there will be a solution to it. N xx

  • lol! MXman love the typo! iam not that crazy! honest lol

  • I do not know where to start. I used to do 40+ hours a week, Judo three times a week, volunteer youth work twice a week and run several different committees for different other organisations. It took some time before I found my balance after my illness.

    I now put all my tasks into 30 minute slots, which is all I can manage. I do not go out on any evening, because it is too much for me, but at least I can manage my day that way. After doing an activity for thirty minutes I still find a sense of achievement. It took some time before I found ways to control my frustration and anger with the world. It is hard to describe the pain that goes on inside your head every day of your life; but I manage that now.

    For example; sorting out the garage then painting the floor of the garage used to be a Saturday morning and early afternoon job, squeezed in between other activities. Now the sorting out of the garage takes several thirty minute slots over days, and the painting of the floor may take two, or three thirty minute slots all day one Saturday.

    The pain control has taken balance with the help of a good neurologist. I am down to six headaches a month now instead of everyday, but it has meant a lot of compromise on my lifestyle, including no caffeine whatsoever.

    Sorry I am no more help. Please bear with it and seek help through other forums like this. There are many non-for-profit forums for you, as much as your husband. GPs can only go so far.

  • Is there a local Headway or Stroke survivors group near to you? In the absence of medical care it might be a relief for him to find out that others are dealing with the same difficulties in the aftermath, and to be able to share that sense of frustration with people who understand exactly how he is feeling.

    You too would find support there with other carers.

    It might be quicker and easier to access whilst waiting for medical referrals, appointments etc.too, and has the added bonus that if you go and feel it isn't for you, then there is no comeback if you decide not to go again.

  • I had an aneurism and a haemorrhage and I have been referred from my GP to see a psychiatrist to talk about what has happened to me. I think counselling is extremely helpful as I'm more emotional than angry. Also going for walks everyday really helps. seeing family and freinds really helps. Please see my Vlog part 1...

    could share our experience to help others. Here is the link to Part 1 of her Vlog. Please view, like and share!

    xxx

  • Thank You so much and keep up the blog x

  • Hi Susanmay

    The previous answers seem to have covered things pretty extensively so I don't reall have much to add other than maybe have a rumage through the leaflets that useually adorn most medical centres/surgerys. You may be lucky enough to find a local charity that offers specialist councelling for people with long term of life changing medical conditions. Also look through the local papers for any groups that offer self management courses.

    I've done both and did a self management course and am no seeing a local charity counsellor that specialise in those with life limiting or long term conditions, both for the 'victim' and their family and carers.

    I'm now three years since diagnoses of in-operable tumour (stable but continuing to increase it's effects on the brain wiring). I still really struggle to accept the 'new' me or the losses the changes caused as a result. Hence the councelling.

    I did have a neuropsychologist but funding cuts now mean I am waiting for a replacement to the one I had (left due to fixed term contract ending and not renewed due to cuts).

    Johnny-One has hit the spot with pacing but it is one of those areas that I find hard to do as I was so used to charging into stuff like a raging bull. I didn't do the tidy and decorateing but was involved with up to three different bands at a time meaning juggling work (50-60 hrs a week), rehearsals and the diary to avoid gig clashes and letting the various bands know when I was or wasn't available, plus the usual family life and getting out and about with 'The Wife' as Les Dawson (I think) used to say. Now I can't even play my instument due to the side effects of tumor, can no longer drive and fatigue hits so hard and fast at times that it results in seizure activity (epilepsy caused by tumour).

    WHen I have been strict with the pacing regime set out by the psychologist things are far better but the frustration is so difficult to deal with that I tend to 'push through it' which usually results in 2,3 or full week recovery periods.

    Not a great help to you I guess other than to let you know you are not alone and here is a great place for a rant, a whinge or even a laugh (seems to be the best medicine for me). Baron has a great sense of humour, taking quite a bit of stick at times, especially from me, about his sartorial ellegance and Matt puts up some great artwork ID quizes and some bizzare photos. Others also post some inspiring artwaork, great pics of their gardens or pets. A good browse through the forum is always uplifting, sometimes in a selfish way knowing that others are worse off than you helps me be grateful I have what I have.

    Kind thoughts

    Sporan

  • Many thanks truly inspiring x

  • Hi. Yes Headway is your best bet, they were Fantastic for me in 1999. When I was discharged home with no after care!!

    They gave me back my "Life" all be it a new one.

    They were the spring board for the "New Me" once the NHS "Washed There Hands Off Me"

    It didn't Stop There Either!!!!!

    Still Fighting for more Treatment to this date!!!!

    Go for Headway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Steve.

  • Ha ha sorry Razy... got it right this time.

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