Musician? Humour?: To try out the new topic format... - Headway


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Musician? Humour?

sporan profile image
28 Replies

To try out the new topic format here's my first attempt.

Having read many posts there seems to be quite few people with a musical bent (a musician myself, although others may disagree, I'm a drummer you see) so thought it might be fun to see just how many comic quips/slights aimed at the musical type are known by those here so to start the ball rolling here are few aimed specifically at me:

A drummer totally fed up with the verbal abuse decided to change instrument and went into local music shop. He asked the very patient salesman if he could buy the red saxophone and the white squeeze box form off the wall. Salesman reply was "Well you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator really has to stay".

Guy goes into shop and walks to counter and says "I'd like to buy a guitar please" The guy behind the counter looked confused for a second and then replied "Your a drummer aren't you?". "Yes I am, how'd you guess". "No guess mate this is a chip shop!"

What do drummers, trains and buses have in common? They're never keep to time!

How do you know when the drum riser is level? Drool drips from BOTH sides of the drummers mouth!

Any more fresh abuse to drummers welcome but more importantly I would like to see reference to other instruments.... Just to be able to get my own back really.

Here's hoping for some fun reply's

Sporan, AKA GMF, AKA Geoff

28 Replies
Matt2584 profile image

"Should've gone to specsavers" :).

Hi Geoff,

I take it then, drummers are short sighted then.

I wonder if this is why I would like to play the drums? I am short sighted too but I think I could tell a fire extinguisher to a red saxophone haha.

I'm not sure if this topic categorising thing for people's posts has worked or not. I just keep posting as normal. Whenever I post a picture, I would post it in an "off-topic" category but I don't know if it makes much of a difference to anyone. I haven't been yelled at yet by others so I guess it has worked :).


sporan profile image
sporan in reply to Matt2584


Well I guess at some point I'll find out. As yet no-one else has answered so we'll have to see.

Waiting now for next caricature or drawing the penguin was great by the way. Was it an emperor penguin?

Take care Matt and hope all is well. It was nice to see a post from Emma the other day as well.


randomphantoms profile image
randomphantoms in reply to sporan

Sorry no musical quips but I think it was a brilliant rendering of a rock hopper penguin if I'm not mistaken.



lloydyuk profile image

How do you fix a broken really large brass instrument?

...get's good....

With a Tuba glue!!

...kappow pow pow I thank you

lloydyuk profile image


What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common??

Both 'Suck' when you plug them in!!

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to lloydyuk

So good to see other instruments getting a pasting too. Mind you as I can no longer play drums (others may argue I never could) I've just taken up guitar again so now a double whammy!

I was once told 'as a guitarist you make a really good drummer... BUT as a drummer you make a good guitarist' not TOO sure what the intimation was but couldn't have been good lol :-)

EleanorS profile image

"like" ... what?! drummers are top level musicians!

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to EleanorS

Of course, we always sit on a drum riser which always puts at least a foot to eighteen inches ABOVE the rest on stage..... ;-)

Danslatete profile image

Better than being a bassist, or basso as my kids get called.

No one ever knows who the bassist are. There are famous and infamous drummers! Def Leppard rings bells.....

lloydyuk profile image
lloydyuk in reply to Danslatete

Pardon!? Who said that..

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to Danslatete

Are you perchance tall? Most bassist I've met have been tall. Guess it's just an attempt to get noticed ;-).

Without a good bassist working well with the drummer the rest would be lost trying to fing a good groove to play to.... now watch the flack fly :-)

Why pick on Def Leppards drummer he was 'armless enough! OOPS. Not politically correct I guess and appolgies to those who may be offended but my humour can be strange at times. At least now I can blame it on the defective brain cause of tumour. Proves the point somewhat that drummers tend to be brainless ;-)

Danslatete profile image
Danslatete in reply to sporan

All my children are taller than I am! My eldest play double bass for orchestras, trad group, caillie group, jazz group, and a semi acoustic bass guitar in any other groups. She doesn't like to be centre of attention and kind of likes hiding!

My eldest son plays bass guitar in a rock band. Long haired and lanky! He is wanting to study music next year at uni. It's fantastic as he is severely dyspraxic and has asd. It is great for his self confidence.

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to Danslatete

Music is probably the best therapy in the world. Doesn't matter if ypur a viruoso or not the pleasure is in the doing and eacch small acheivemant giving the sort of buzz climbing Everest would.

in reply to Danslatete

Phil Lynott .....he was over 6 ft tall. .Adam of U2 is pretty tall too.....drummers, bassists, we need them both, they add their own unique sound to a group. Wish I had kept up my music lessons...hey ho. Maybe its not too late to learn an instrument

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to

I'm 60 and re-learning the guitar. Never too late to start learning an instrument just make sure it's the one you REALLY want to play.

If it's drums I would suggest an electric kit to avoid upsetting neighbours but buy the best you can afford, some of the cheaper ones won't give the right 'feel' and can be diheartening. The same goes for all instruments really. It's probably better to by a brilliant instrument secondhand than a same price new. Just try and take along someone who 'knows' what they're looking at when you go to buy.

Good luck and try it. Music shops usually offer tuition so you can try before you buy. The same as all thing in life as long as YOU enjoy what you play or do then who cares what others think (as long as it's not abusing or hurting others of course).

malalatete profile image

(by Heisler/Goldrich or Bob the Organist, depending on who you believe)

It's awful being an alto when you're singing in the choir,

Sopranos get the twiddly bits that people all admire,

The basses boom like big trombones, the tenors shout with glee,

The alto part is on two notes, or if you're lucky, three.

And when we sing an anthem and lift our hearts in praises,

The men get all the juicy bits and telling little phrases.

Of course, the trebles sing the tune - they always come off best -

While altos only get three notes and twenty-two bars rest.

It doesn't matter what we sing, from hymnbooks or from psalter,

The choirmaster looks at us - our voices start to falter;

Too high! Too low! Too fast! Too slow! You hold that note too long!

It doesn't matter what we do, it's certain to be wrong.

Oh! shed a tear for altos: they're the Marthas and they know

In ranks of choral singers they're considered very low.

They are so very humble that a lot of folk forget 'em:

They'd love to be sopranos, but their vocal chords won't let 'em.

And when the final trumpet sounds and we are wafted higher,

Sopranos, tenors, basses, all will form the heavenly choir.

When they sing Alleluias to celestial flats and sharps,

We altos in the corner will be polishing our harps.

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to malalatete

Sounds a lot like when I used to play Triangle in the school orchestra.

Danslatete profile image
Danslatete in reply to malalatete

That is brilliant!

malalatete profile image

The Choirmaster stood at the Pearly Gates

His face was worn and old

He stood before the man of fate

For admission to the fold.

'What have you done,' St. Peter said

'To gain admission here?'

'I've been a Choirmaster, Sir,' he said

'For many and many a year.'

The Pearly Gates flew open wide,

St. Peter touched the bell:

'Come in,' he said, 'and choose your harp,

You've had your share of hell!'

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to malalatete

OOOH! Harsh... but true,

I was a choir boy too!

malalatete profile image

malalatete profile image

The Beach Boys Shred I Get Around

Also try googling this shred if you are a musical type. It had me in fits for weeks. I don't know's painful really.

malalatete profile image

Oh sorry that is a bit long. Try google Natalie Imbruglia and David Armand, Torn.

sporan profile image

Mmmmh! seems this thread has struck a chord.... B flat I think or was that the brass section?

As a drummer I get confused easily.....

malalatete profile image

I love musical humour. I can watch hours of those cat videos on YouTube courtesy of the boys and barely raise a smile. The Natalie Imbruglia, Beach boys and Silent Monks had me on the floor crying my eyes out. Guess it is just what floats my OH struggled to raise a smile!

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to malalatete

Think all musicians have a slightly twisted sense of humour... guess it's because we have too to be musicians in first place ;-)

SMiles are good and make you feel better.

lloydyuk profile image

I used to play triangle in a calypso band.....

.....I used to stand at de back and ting!!

sporan profile image
sporan in reply to lloydyuk

Don't know your age but if you are of 'that age' perhaps you remember Charley Drake and his attempt to play triangle in a full orchestra. At the time hilarious.

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