Barrier?

[Tissue1]

Since my ABI 8 yrs ago, I'm realising that I have a barrier between myself and friends/people. It's sad as I was a nurse/midwife in my early years (75 now) and had an empathy towards others.

I just feel distant now. Does anyone else feel this.

[Broken_Doll]

Hi Tissue1,

Yes, I feel distant a lot of the time.. Sort of emotionally numb! I don't laugh, smile.. Or get excited, like I used to!

I prefer the distant/numb feeling, to the feeling of hatred/anger.. I'm quite volatile to be honest..

I'm in my 30's, used to be the life and soul of the party.. Always happy, selfless & over the top friendly..

I'm still in the "early days" of BI (1 year) ..

Emma x

[Hidden]

Yes, all my old friends who knew me before have gone. Its hard when one person in the relationship cant remember the past times you have shared. I find it much easier to be around people who did not know me before. My family tell me how I used to be and how I have changed. Not helpful at all. You need to make friends with the new you and then it will be much easier. Good luck

[crudock]

Hi guys,

I have to ditto all u say, I used to be the life n soul of any party n now not only are parties scarce so is my character. I used to be an excentric and sarcasm was my middle name. It seems to have changed and even though its been 9 years I have recently become aware of it.

However, I consider myself lucky as my freinds have stood by me and help me because most of them knew me before my tumour removals. I do find it more difficult now with making new relationships but am working at that at the moment. I think that my speech difficulties may have a part to play in this. Im just living but learning as I go along.

Px

[paxo05]

It seems a common effect of a bi. As well as a "new you" you get new friends. Or to be more exact you lose a lot of old friends.

I to am more withdrawn as well as having a form of epilepsy that closes me down from interaction. I am not sure the medical term for this form of epilepsy.

I do seem to function better if I allow myself to close down from everyone now and then. I know this is slightly anti social but hey it works for me.

[lloydyuk in reply to paxo05]

If it works for you that's great. Too many people generally get caught up doing what's right for everyone else I know I used to....I'm liking the new me and who I am now. We all change anyway just some nudge on quicker I gues.

[paxo05 in reply to lloydyuk]

I am trying to stop pleasing others instead of myself.....its a work in process.

Unfortunately the "new improved " me is not so improved as I dont like the person that I have turned into.

I think its ironic that my memory problems dont extend to me forgeting what the old me was like....I am sure if this was the case I could accept the new me more.

But hey I am stuck with me and I intend living more years as this new me so its a case of getting on with it.

On a more positive note I have a great family who support me so I do feel blessed.

[lloydyuk in reply to paxo05]

Id say take each day as it comes and don't pressure yourself just go with the flow, like you I'll be many years with version 2 acceptance is the key I think. That's great you have a wonderful supportive family, many may not have so there's a positive straight away. Take care

[iforget]

I think this is quite common for BI survivors.

For me there is there is this intangible something that has changed and it feels like I have this odd kind of emotional disconnect...

I am at my loneliest in a room full of people

[Gaia_rising]

I'm very new to this, given that my SAH was only at the end of February, and I wasn't the most interactive of people 'before', but I acknowledge myself that I am closing off even more.

For me, in the very early stages of adjusting, I'm still over-thinking the 'what if?' scenarios quite a lot, and deliberately limiting my interactions with others. "What if the vertigo is so bad I stumble, or fall on my face?" "What if I get a pain, and can't articulate the seriousness?" "What if I mix up my words, and don't make sense?"

I am still going to work, and the surface-level interaction is there, with the added bonus of wanting to poke the receptionist in the eye every time she says "Are you sure you should be...?", but there's no deeper interaction than that. I always was a hermit-type, so it's no real significant change, I didn't have a mass of friends, and I didn't go out to parties, but I'm conscious that I'm REALLY not 'letting people in' now, it's all superficial.

I'm letting my son ask me questions, and share his perspective of the experience at his own pace, my marriage is over, the husband and I are two adults that live in the same house, both of us having had life experiences that make this whole situation near-unbearable. I'm detached to the degree that I know I have to protect and nurture my child, and that's about it.

[Tissue1]

Thank you everyone for all your comments....thank you for sharing. You have really helped me not to feel so alone in this wretched ABI. I am lucky to have a supportive family and friends and although they say they understand, it is still a strain. Thank you again.....

[Hidden]

Hope things are going well for you. As someone who has lived with ABI since 2001 I will just say that you dont just `snap out of it`, you learn to ignore the phrase `you used to.....` or, `you should` (ugh, hate that word) You have had a massive thing happen to the most `you` part of your body so go easy, be kind to yourself and do what you want, not what others want. They desperately want you to be just like before but you cant expect that to happen. The good thing, though, is that you can reinvent yourself, like rebooting your computer. I have made friends with this new me and dont care what others think and I wish you tons of luck on your journey to happiness ( it will come) x