Brain haemorrhage survivor - anxiety issues.

[eddego]

Hi all,

My missus had a brain haemorrhage 3 weeks ago due to a burst AVM. Following brain surgery she has survived and is now into rehab...

She has difficulty speaking, it comes out part jiberish, as well as some cognitive issues and trouble down her right side. I'm assured these are all normal for her condition and that it will improve; indeed she continues to improve everyday...

What troubles me most is her anxiety, frustration and apparent depression however. She has some real issues at the moment including what appears to be the side effects of her drugs, her need to get home and her longing to be with our baby son who she misses dearly.

Anyone have any advice with how to manage a person with such anxiety?

Regards

[cat3]

Your lady will be stressed and agitated considering the situation and still feeling quite poorly. Rest and lots of reassurance is what's needed right now ; 3 weeks is extremely early in terms of adjustment to the surgery and medication. It took 2 months after a bleed for me to walk, and fully appreciate my situation.

I apparently behaved very oddly for a few weeks but then, fairly quickly, I became more lucid and mobile. In the meantime the wonderful staff constantly reassured me that, with time and patience, I should expect further improvement.

And my family were so patient and talked to me constantly whilst holding my hand, which was very comforting. Physical contact can be soothing, such as stroking arms or brushing hair and it reinforces that important bond between you, which is something for her to hold onto in your absence.

It's a test of patience and trust, but every day your partner's brain is mending a little bit more, and the day will arrive, soon I hope, when her improvements will be noticeable as well as invisible.

Three years on, I still count myself lucky every day for what was done by those brilliant surgeons to give me my life back. And we're all agreed that the time has just flown.

Be sure to eat and take care of yourself also. And please keep us updated on your partner's progress. My sincere best wishes, Cat x

[lloydyuk in reply to cat3]

Lovely informative reply Kat, many of the things you speak of applied to me. I was very odd for probably a year after my bleed. I was joking with my famy yesterday recounting my 'truths' from back then.

Eddego, as Kat has said keep positive look after yourself first and do your best it's all you ever can do. It takes time to settle frustratingly so but you'll start to see the improvements soon enough.

All the best to you all

Danny

[Nutkin33]

Hi there

I had a TBI, and when I was fist conscious, I could not ne understood, because my voice was so bad! I also got quite suicidal, and my family had to take to me to the doc for anti depressants. I'm still on them. 2 years down the line, but now on a lower dosage!

My family had to watch me carefully, and they always tried to give me other things to think about.

It took me a long time to get over the really bad phase, but now I'm ok. It's about accepting your own condition, and I'm sure the 'ups and downs', will always be there.

As soon as she can travel around, get her into Headway, as being with othe Brain Injured folks is a blessing in disguise, as the others around you understand how you feel!

All the best! 😉😊

[Stardrop]

I'm going to say that anxiety shows your wife has awareness of what's going on even if things don't make sense to her or are very muddily. So that's a good sign.It's also quite a frightening stage to be at, and not being able to express herself very well adds to her frustration.

Some people have a noticeable improvement about 4-5 weeks later, I think a medic said that the brain bruising clears, as would a nasty bruise on your shin, but my memory is rubbish.

Three weeks down the line for speech is very early days, most people improve a lot although I do sometimes say the wrong word like 'I'll just microphone the porridge'.

I got very confused about the day, month, time and couldn't remember if it was 8 in the morning or at night and ha a little alarm clock which showed the day of the week and was a 24 hour display. It was reassuring to have it near me.

Try to reassure her, perhaps have a one day to a page diary with what has happened each day ie, visitor or test and any dates ahead. If she's not up to reading it now, she'd have it to refer to later.

Take one day at a time, and be kind to yourself.

If anyone offers to help, find out what they like doing, when they are available. Mowing the lawn and walking the dog can be handed over to someone else and they will feel good for helping you.

Contact Headway.

[jacxx]

Hi

I suffered the same, well I always say my brain blow up lol.

I'm 5yrs on and still on the way back to me.

For the first 3mnths I was a useless mess, conversations were to much to cope with as I had difficulty making a sentence in english! jibberish is the best way to describe it lol.

I had to be good and do nothing(couldnt do anything anyway) for the first 3mnths because you do have to be careful. My balance was off, I have a stick for wobbly days still. I had to relearn alot of simple things ie making cup of tea, cooking cleaning....I could go on!

Bottom line is be very patient try your best to understand(which according to my husband is verrrrrrrrrry hard sometimes)

Its very frustrating because you know you could do certain things but cant understand why you cant now.

Your wife will get better with time, love, understanding and patience from you, family and friends.

She will need help, I didnt find Headway until about 3yrs later and by that time I was ready to give up.

BUT Headway at Gloucester was the light at the end of a very dark tunnel everyone there knows and feels the same as me and im very pleased to say that ive met some very special people there and they have given me a new lease of life.

If you need or your wife need to know anything I would be pleased to help

good luck and take care

[Hidden]

Hi, so sorry to hear about your wife. My husband had a sudden aneurism & we went through weeks of not knowing if he would survive, when he did would he talk again, then when he spoke would he be able to walk again etc. He went through exactly the same as your wife in rehab, panic, anxiety etc.

I found the best way to help (plus it made me feel like I was doing something) was to call him morning & night as I was too far away to visit daily. (Bought him a large button, very simple mobile phone with my number only in it), he could call me any time too.

I also got the family to send him cards so he had one every day & made a small photo album with photos of all the family (with their names for him to read as he couldn't remember). Plus I visited every weekend. Exhausting when trying to work full time but I was lucky as son was 13 & our extended family looked after him for me during this time.

Every one will tell you this but 3 weeks is seriously early days (not that hearing that helps!).

Might be worth you contact your local Carers organisations (see Carers Trust website) to get support for you, believe me I needed someone who understood who wasn't family on occasion!

Best wishes. xx

[eddego]

Wow, thanks everyone for your replies. It's interesting to hear the views of both survivors and carers and what seems to be a running theme is patience. It's interesting also to hear about how long a road back to recovery it will be and what troubles she may have a few years down the line.

She is actually progressing very well. I see day on day improvement still, that being her speech, her movement and her understanding. But as I say she can still get very depressed and indeed, she's started saying 'sorry' a lot as though she's maybe to blame for some of this - which of course she isn't.

I started a diary almost immediately after the incident (a nurse had recommended this) and we have a photo album, some simple books (where's wally) and magazines, regular fresh fruit which she devours and we take our son everyday.

I personally have attended Headway Leeds social already and it was again interesting to see and be around people who have dealt with these situations, some of them for 30+ years. It's astonishing how people can pull together in times of trouble and up their game, something we are certainly trying to do.

I'll keep you posted best I can on how she progresses. There's talk of her having day trips home which I would like and couldn't start soon enough for me. In the meantime I've found the posts and stories on here most interesting and will be following these for sure...

Regards,

Ed

[cjjaks]

I had an Sah 4 weeks ago. And was lucky as l walked away. So l can't even begin to know what you and others are going through. Just to say sending my prayers for you. And wish your wife a speedy recovery. Jakki x