I don't recognise me anymore

[Broken_Doll]

This doesn't mahe nice reading

I really ashame to be writibg this but seriously my anger goes from 0-100 in 10. Second flat sometime when the wrong button pushed

It been case since head injury I misread people or I react inappropriate anyway me and the boyfriend had a tiff on Saturday just gone which result in stalemate

Until yesterday which was his birthday he didn't come home when he usually does wouldn't answer phone etc

So 80 unanswered calls later I got so angry that I smashed up everything could get my hands on I even thought for about second to set Fire to the flat I was bleeding everywhere because ID cut my hands on glass

But none of this make me feel less angry

Today I feel exhausted embarrassed and ashame

I ended up getting mum to call from croatia which would cost them fortune mobile to mobile because they are on holiday

Gping to mention to GP its not acceptable behaviour

Emma x

[BaronC]

Your last statement is perfect. Mention it to your GP, to a specialist, to anyone who will listen. There is help out there for you, but unfortunately in the majority of cases, you actively have to seek it yourself.

I think anger seems to be a common theme among us brain injured peeps, indeed it's been mentioned on this very site numerous times. Don't beat yourself up over it (no pun intended) but DO make sure you find a way to deal with the issue, either through your own self control, or by the health professional route.

Go for it, the help is out there.

Good luck

Andy

[Broken_Doll in reply to BaronC]

Thank you Andy

In clear light day I know it was wrong but I am not me when I'm in that state and I have very little self control its scary

How thing s with you settled with Mrs?

Thanks again

Emma X

[iforget]

I agree with everything Andy said 100% ... acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step and seeking help is the next one - and the GP is an obvious place to start...so my advice would be to pick up the phone and make that appointment now while its still fresh in your mind

Good Luck with this next step of your journey

[Broken_Doll in reply to iforget]

Iforget thank you so much for your response

I'm seeing Dr this afternoon at 4:20 I will update all on how I get on

In already on antidepressant for anxiety related my head ibjury 100mg sertraline then amitryptiline only 20mg to help sleep I also see rehabilitation psychologist every two weeks and I had only see her on Monday I told her about the argument but the anger maybe was under control at that point sorry I've gone on a bit

Thanks again

Emma x

[Broken_Doll in reply to iforget]

Iforget thank you so much for your response

I'm seeing Dr this afternoon at 4:20 I will update all on how I get on

In already on antidepressant for anxiety related my head ibjury 100mg sertraline then amitryptiline only 20mg to help sleep I also see rehabilitation psychologist every two weeks and I had only see her on Monday I told her about the argument but the anger maybe was under control at that point sorry I've gone on a bit

Thanks again

Emma x

[cat3]

The important part of this outburst is that you've recognised it as unacceptable and are willing to admit that you need to seek help. As Andy stated, uncontrolled anger is a recognised issue after brain injury and there are all kinds of available treatment, most often CBT.

Apart from the fact that your brain might have lost some inhibition as a result of the damage, I suspect there will also be pent up emotions from all the trauma you experienced and the aftermath of coping with the 'new you'. So a falling-out with your partner would have been the final straw and a trigger for the opening of the floodgates, with pretty scary consequences.

You're always so uncomplaining and polite Emma and I'm wondering whether this wasn't an inevitable release but, maybe with help, your frustration can be channelled a little more economically !!

Don't be too hard on yourself ; most of us here can empathise with what's happened and we are always here to 'listen' if you feel that offloading might help in the meantime .......or any time.

Love Cat x

[Broken_Doll in reply to cat3]

Cat you are so lovely and helpful I just wish I could give you a big squishy hug

I'm so exhausted from yesterday events its untrue I even ache all over the worst thing was clearing up the reminder of pictures frame that were smashed ornaments .. Things I care about thankfully pictures not damages and frames be replace

As I said to iforget I wil l update later after Drs appt

I also manage to trigger a seizure yesterday not surprising

It definitely the loss inhibition because a filter doesn't exist with me at least not in person because its instant I tell people exactly what I think of them good and bad

In hospital I was guilty of throwing things and telling my unsympathetic neuro to F off and come back tomorrow I hate sweating but I swear like a sailor once I get going

There s been times I had stay away from here because one or two people are selfish with their interactions all about them and not trying to help others or even responding to answers to their post or question so I stay away for fear of overreact and hurt feelings

Thanks again cat

Emma x

[iforget in reply to Broken_Doll]

Emma I had to smile when I read about the swearing.... it has always amazed me that even when I am completely lost for words I am still pretty fluent in obscenity....and I'm talking the big boy swear words, rarely uttered by me and one of which I never used before my injury.... Sometimes the cuss words can just fly out of my mouth and take me by surprise...to the point I look round so see who on earth said that LOL!

I think we can probably all identify with the loss of filter... my social skills disappeared along with the rest of it and I have had to try to relearn them. Memory issues also mean I am a blurter and it is out there before I even knew what I was going to say...with no working filter it can be brutal at times...I am rubbish at reading cues and once I am talking that's it till I am done...and then I am done. I am quick to apologise when I realise/it is pointed out that I have been offensive but I can tell some folks are never going to forgive me. Sometimes I have to move on from that.

There have been times I have been so filled with rage that I was unable to throw anything or speak or even move...I simply stood in the middle of the room, bent over, sobbing (full on snot and drool mode...not pretty) and making noises like a pregnant cow trying to give birth to a dozen fully grown elephants.

Another time I had a meltdown in M&S and was found hiding in the middle of a display of fluffy dressing gowns...My Mum had to buy the one I blew my nose on (oops!)

I try really hard not to allow the BI to be an excuse for bad behaviour and my nearest and dearest know they have to challenge it when they see it...and over time they have learned the best ways to deal with that...which often is not right then and there.

Those were definitely not my finest hours... but thankfully they are rare now that we have learned how to channel stuff....and I am confident that once you have the right help you will be able to channel your 'stuff' too.

I hope your appointment is helpful... will be rooting for you.

[cat3 in reply to iforget]

Brilliant post iforget !!

[cat3]

Emma, how did you get on at Drs.................any help ? xx

[Broken_Doll in reply to cat3]

Hi cat I been having problems with health unlocked again my reply kept swallowed up

Not great at Drs she told me to tell psychologist but I don't see for another week and half

She asked if I want psychiatry input but I not keen don't rhibk its warrant that just yet

She said as you did its all part of brain injury

Thanks cat

Emma xx

[cat3 in reply to Broken_Doll]

Sorry Emma, been asleep most of the day after migraine last night & just found your reply !

Headway seemed to think that HealthUnlocked had found the fault and it would probably be fixed in a few days................but that WAS a few days ago and people are still reporting vanishing text, so looks like it wasn't so simple as they thought.

Think I'll wait 'til next week and then ask them what's happening.

I don't think you need a psychiatrist ; this loss of emotional control is a classic after-effect of brain injury not a psychiatric illness. Maybe you could ask about CBT which seems to be the staple treatment for anger issues.

We used to have a great guy on here whose marriage was almost finished as a result of his aggressive outbursts and nastiness, and he swore that CBT taught him how to get & keep control of his emotions. He went on to channel his energy into photography and his life took a much more positive turn. He's moved on now and I'm sure I'm not the only one who misses him.

I think that physically walking away from conflict is the best way of coping until you get help Emma. I do sympathise though ; I've become so short-tempered since my haemorrhage compared to pre-bi, when I had endless patience, especially for intricate and mentally challenging projects.

But there's help out there for smoothing out those jagged bits left by your injury if you feel you need it.

Take care Emma.

Enormous hug xx

[Broken_Doll in reply to cat3]

Thanks cat sorry I only just saw this reply from you

Yes i think I need find hobby I can manage to do as I think frustration play big part I had such a busy active life before and now I can't do any that I did before

I can just about watch basic programme on tv as long as people don't speak too quick or lots of thing going on neighbours is a rediscovery of mine

Still struggle reading need to get some tools

Hope you ok today

Emma x

[aqua4]

Hi Emma hope you are doing ok today. Like to see your posts. Just to let you know I can't always keep up or reply and others may be same, not easy. Take care.K

[Broken_Doll in reply to aqua4]

Hi k

Sorry I only just see this

Hope you are ok

Emma x