How do you find Quality?

[Negeen]

Hey guys the past few days I've really been contemplating whether the cost of living with short term memory loss was really "worth it". I'm pretty frustrated. How do you find quality to your life?

[RogerCMerriman]

I think your being quite hard on your self, via this medium ie this forum, you appear to be:

A intellegent, well educated and attractive young woman.

How we see our self's and how others do are often poles apart.

what makes me happy well I'm back at work, yes i only do a few hours and and there is a lot of things that i'm not doing, yet. But I am back.

I'm also getting about on my own, be that bike rides or what ever, again its only a start ie have done some gentle 15/20 miles on a towpath i used to do 20/30 miles over mountains and 50-60 miles at speed on the road and have comfortably done over 100 miles in a day etc.

[Negeen in reply to RogerCMerriman]

I've been feeling depressed lately. Hopeless. Very hopeless.

[RogerCMerriman in reply to Negeen]

You sound it.

What things do you like? I like outdoors stuff hence the bike being important to me? What about you?

[Negeen]

Starting to wonder what the point is of all this.

[Negeen]

I like to sing, i like to socialize. But those things won't build my future. I need to build my future. I'm scared of living in poverty. I always wanted to have kids but now i won't i don't want them to have less of a parent. It's amazing how much u can lose so quickly.

[RogerCMerriman in reply to Negeen]

Being happier will built your future, you have a lot of future ahead it doesn't need to be planned out in a day, before what caree had you thought about?

Maybe some classes in something that interests in a local college?

[Negeen in reply to RogerCMerriman]

No point. Doesn't lead to a degree i won't be able to make it through the classes anyways.

[Negeen]

There's no meaning in this, there is nothing noble about it, it's just senseless suffering. I do not want to deal with this any longer. I'm done i'm just done.

[Kirk5w7]

No Negeen, you've just lost your way a bit, you have to change your expectations while you recover. The waiting is the worst, you have to push yourself, there was none angrier than I was when it finally dawned on me what was going on I remember crying to my son that I didn't want to be disabled, like I had a choice. But what I did have was a choice on how I deal with it, it's not easy, life before was easy by comparison, I never thought twice about it, now I can't second guess how each dat is going to unfold.

You have youth on your side, I'm 61, my rewiring of my brain is limited, but I'm still going for the best I can do. I was angry and offended that I had to start with baby jigsaws, I now do 1,000 piece ones with no picture, it's helped rewire my brain, I do painting by number pictures, it helps my fine motor functions, I've got merquetry waiting and lacemaking when I feel ready .

I do these things to help fill my time inbetween the housework and shopping, it lessens the time I have to think " poor me" and I get plenty of those times too.

You need to start making plans, push yourself a bit more, write down your aspirations and work out how to work towards achieving them, make sure you fill your days with doing things.

I know my projects and way of life may seem your worst nightmare, but read more or watch more films, learn a language give yourself daily goals so you can see what you are achieving, do you have a garden? Grow things, it all helps give a sense of purpose.

I'd love to go to the gym, but moving my head up and down a lot tires me too much, but I can swim and walk, so I try to do more of that, not enough cos the weather is pants at the moment.

Enough now, but you get the idea, not easy when you are feeling depressed but try your best, little by little the depression will lift and you'll start to think clearer.

My good wishes are winging their way to you Janet xxx

[headwayuk Partner Headway]

Hi Negeen,

I'm really sorry to read how you're feeling at the moment, I think the responses of our members are excellent as always and I hope this has helped.

Are you receiving any face-to-face support for this? From previous posts I understand you are in California, so perhaps you could contact the Brain Injury Association of California too: biacal.org/

I would also suggest you speak to your doctor as soon as possible about how you are feeling at the moment, if you haven't already done so.

The changes in your life can be extremely difficult to adapt to, but sometimes getting professional support alongside that provided by your family, friends and communities like this can help you work through it.

Best wishes,

Headway

[Negeen in reply to headwayuk]

Headway,

Thank you so much for the response. I have called the brain injury association of California and America so many times, but they never answer. I have never liked leaving voicemails I guess I should do that next time. I will let my neuropsychologist know how i'm feeling when I see him wednesday.

Thanks for the best wishes

[headwayuk Partner Headway in reply to Negeen]

Hi Negeen,

Sorry to hear that the brain injury associations in the US don't answer the phone, that must be really frustrating. It probably is a good idea to leave a voicemail, perhaps once you've spoken to them and they know you, there'll be an easier way to get in touch?

It's good to know our members are on here to support as well, and I think seeing the neuropsychologist on Wednesday will be a big help, and may at least start giving you some of the answers and help you need.

Best wishes,

Headway

[philstretchdavis]

Hi Negeen, having read through some of the other replies, especially the one from Headway. So, you live in California. Maybe this is a symptom known as the California Affect. I have a first cousin who was brought up in LA. She met and married someone from Ireland. She now lives in Ireland and complains constantly about the weather. The moral of this tale is that you should value what you have, and remember, you are more valuable than anyone.

[sospan]

Negeen, I know what you are going through we all do this at some time in our recovery - it is the "is this it" moment and "is this as good as its going to get ?"

I am not sure what the State /Government payments are like in the US if you can't work but over here they are quite low. The continual challenge is to live on these payments which in itself is quite depressing especially if you had previously a good lifestyle.

As you say this is driven by the lack of a plan and money. If you had money you can do quite a bit to help you recover and build a plan. Without the finances it is difficult to move forward. Like you I get frustrated with the its all about the "small steps" and "you will improve overtime" statements but I am starting my 3 year of post injury recovery and it does get better.

For the first 2 years of injury I was in a daze most of the time and didn't question too much about what people told me to do about recovery - sit there, be quiet, rest, don't exert yourself. I got fed up with that and started doing more housework, cooking and other little jobs that filled up my time and didn't cost much. By cooking more inventively we started to save some money that give us an opportunity to do some other things. And so it builds up.

I have looked into doing some small part time courses which gets me back into learning new things with a plan to do some more courses to get a career change.

Sometimes its the simple things like donating blood or bone marrow samples can give you feeling that you have helped someone and have a purpose.

Hang in there

[Negeen]

I'm pretty sad.

[Negeen]

Hi Phil, I don't really think it's fair to compare me with your cousin. Complaining about weather and being devastated about cognitive deficiency is not comparable in the slightest. Whether we're both from Cali or not. But yes I do get the overall message be grateful for what I do have...

[SAMBS]

hi Negeen, we've written a few times to each on these subjects and by p.m as well, so feel I'm getting to know you a little and from the other replies above, they all understand where you are coming from as well and I'm pleased to see you have taken your first step already - because you are replying positively now to the suggestions others are making, and that's good!

small steps one at a time, a bit like eating a sandwich if you try and do it all at once you don't feel good when you can't chew with a whole mouthful - but one little bite at a time to savour and enjoy the moment, then when you get to the end you realise you've finished what you started.

I was a wreck 6 months ago, many on here would confirm that, but like you I felt I'd lost everything because I'd lost control of what my future was going to be, until I realised its only me who can achieve the goals I want to achieve.

Yes I'm doing it now, month on month, helped by the support, encouragement and understanding I've had from my 'new friends' here on Headway, and an ex-pats forum here in France. With that support and encouragement, I've now got the control back - just as you will. None of us say its easy - but we are all saying its do-able.

As Roger said you appear to be: intelligent, well educated and an attractive young woman. Your BI isn't a barrier to your goals and aspirations of being married and having a family one day. Nor to you being able to do something constructive to be able to earn money.

Its just that the goal posts moved, just as you will day by day, as you score those QUALITY goals!

Good luck for Wednesday and let us know how you get on, won't you.

Shirleyxxx