Hard choices to be made

[paulc1011]

Very hard times at the moment

The one person whom I thought was being very supportive is now giving me a very hard time and I honestly feel like I want to end it all

She says she loves cares and worries about me but never around anymore to chat too then says it's me that I don't love care or worry about her though I message and tell her everyday that I do and how much she has helped since my last attempt at ending it all but she actually said the other she wishes I had succeeded in doing

Can't take anymore

Sorry but it's all too much

[faithhope421]

Seem as though , you do care , and you know ,you care . you care, about her too ,let her wishes, be her own , and your wishes your own ,everyone of us has a limit and it's our own , please see yourself honestly ,feeling like you want to begin again, ,tell yourself you don't have to take more than you can take , and it's okay. Your success is a blessing .Don't apologize for your success .celebrate .I'm celebrating with you ,I care about you ,I'm willing to chat with you .your thoughts, your emotions ,your internal fight ,deserve and need support ,I support you .I care about you ,I'll help you when you feel , your load is too heavy to carry alone , I've had my moments too , I have support ,today it's you . someone else is experiencing something that once was a sign of pain and emotional over load that I couldn't recognize ,however it did become clear to me ,it's relevant and it's me ,mine ,myself and I that need to be well ,whole and hopeful . it has nothing to do with He or She , it's Me .Seriously take care of yourself ,You . You are a Survivor , you are Successful . you Survived , you Succeeded .Today change the Choice , take away Worry and Ending it all . Replace it with peace , calm , joy ,loving others , most importantly loving , You .You are the best version of you , and know one knows that better than YOU . Sending to you something new , TODAY BEGIN AGAIN , have a positive and peaceful day ,in everyway ,okay !

[MONIREN]

I've been there ,thinking that leaving is best. That was years ago, even though it's hard to continue, I think about the joys I would have missed out on. Sometimes you can't change your circumstances, what you are going through, you then have to change your perception. Find a new normal. Unfortunately FND doesn't allow the same life to continue. But you are still valuable. What I found the best is to write down my feelings, vent on paper, I never shared it, but it released my anger. Anger is a heavy burden, you don't need to carry it, you have enough to cope with. Please take care!!

[whirlygirl16]

Hi Paul Try to hang on in there as people often say things they don't mean in a heated discussions. Things are hard for everyone at the moment and your relationship might improve once the world get's back to some sort of normality.

[Prosaic_One]

Hey hon, I’m so damn sorry you had to hear such hurtful words during such a critical moment. I continue to battle with suicidal thoughts (and have made past attempts) and it has everything to do with feeling so alone.

The pain, confusion & just abject torture FND can inflict on our lives makes us somewhat alien to other people. When I finally told my family I was taking real steps to end my life, they all gave me cold responses:

“If you kill yourself, you’re a coward, period.” (Cousin I thought was a friend)

“So many people are worse off than you. You’re selfish and weak.” (Dad)

“If you’re gonna do it, please just stop talking about it to me. Do whatever you’re gonna do but I’m not gonna let you bring me down.” (Mom)

My wife walked out on me 3yrs ago saying she deserved a better life than being stuck home with me.

In one year, I lost all confidence in humanity, especially those closest to me. I’m in a much stronger place now, tho fragile still. I went thru hell for so many years I really got so angry I said F—- all of you! I’m gonna fight for me since no one else cares to!

I don’t have any answers but checking in with you all here (mostly periphery) has MANY TIMES been the only thing that’s kept me sane...and kept me around.

My feeling is that those who suffer the most profoundly & are most alone in their experience are truly brave! Truly BEAUTIFUL and unbelievably powerful. It informs my spiritual journey here even tho I don’t know yet where I am headed.

To you Paul, you have something valuable to share with this world, even if it’s just with us. We all need you. I need you.😚 Yes, humans can be weak and very cruel but we can be part of their personal growth, unwittingly!

Today, all the family who turned their backs on me now credit me with giving them the strength to fight for themselves. It’s an interesting ride here.

Please stick around.